Not sure what happened to me today
 

I became defensive today at something that usually wouldn't make me so enraged. While my coworkers know what is going on in my life, dealing with the separation of my AH and myself coming up, dealing with telling my son we would be separating, I had to leave the meeting and take a break because I was breaking down. Two of them came to my classroom to help me out, but there is nothing they can do, except know that I am not usually so defensive, but it is too hard to be in school teaching and be so upset. I had such a hard time getting myself out of the anger/upset mode. Luckily I had a break and didn't have to teach the rest of the day. I have to put on such a front at school for the kids, at home for my son. Since we just told our son Sunday I feel I have to be taking care of him and right now all I want to do is stay in bed for the night. I do see my counselor tomorrow, so that is good. Even my dog is looking at me right now as if there is something wrong with me. At first I felt relief through this process in a way that I was not the problem but the alcohol was, then I felt good that I was setting boundaries, now I just feel angry and sad at the same time and soooo tired.

all totally normal.

any chance of taking a few vacation days?

naive

Oh yes I remember that feeling 'soooo tired' thing and being angry because they wouldnt stop. The thing though, I was fighting the addiction, not them. Like the others have said, take time and do something nice for yourself today.
JJ

I agree, all part of the process. You'll be fine, just give yourself time to grieve.

Your words mean so much to me, you are so right~ thanks

This is one reason why Al-Anon is so great. Because you get to TALK about it all, and get it all out, and people listen, and you can break down and cry, scream, whatever you need to do, and you don't have to hold up any fronts for anyone. You can just be YOU and be the you you feel. And it actually helps others when you do. That is part of the "magic" of Al-Anon.

Teaching is like 200% stress....I did it for 30 years. Anything on top of teaching is hard. I agree with the vacation day idea. Be easy on yourself. This is the hardest part. One bite of the elephant at a time....1 inch of the football field. This too shall pass. You are going to get through it. Your child will be better off. R and r as much as possible. Eat right and try to go for a walk to get those endomorphins going. My therapist got me taking 5 HTP to get my Seratonin right and to help me rest.
It hurts and it is sad but you are taking positive action. Sometimes when we already have a bucketfull one more drop is too much. It will pass.