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Old 10-12-2010, 02:30 PM
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I'm here again.....

Well folks.... long time no see! Been a long summer for me. To make a long story short... took the XABF back after a years' breakup..... and I am here to report that NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG had changed! So, he quit drinking for right around 100 days..... I was SO proud of him. Not sure what happened but I ended up fighting the same ole battle I have fought for 5 years!

So, the end of July I had a major surgery. My mom was admitted into hospital 4 days later and ended up passing away on Aug 6th. I was devastated! The XABF was a tremendous help to me during that time but within 2 months after my surgery, I told him he needed to move out. AGAIN!!! I'm sure he thought I was having a midlife crisis from losing my mother and from surgery, but honestly I'm not sure what it was. I just woke up one morning and the situation hit me like a brick in the face..... there he sat in the living room with the remote control, and there I laid in bed wondering and fretting on HOW I was going to pay the next round of bills AND get my medicine... It was then I decided I was done, I was through with supporting this man and I felt strong and determined.

He moved out. Then lo and behold, I "thought" I could remain friends with him because of our dog (which is like a CHILD and I love her dearly and will NOT let her go).... We have been sharing custody. I am not comfortable with that when he drinks and has her with him!! If the police take him to jail, what will happen to my dog? I worry more about that than I do him!!!

okay, done venting. Just wanted to share with you all what life has been like for someone who "THOUGHT" their alcoholic could and would change. NADA!! In my case, this man is 50 years old and I have heard every excuse in the book. I wish I would have listened to all the TRUE advice I received in this forum a few years ago! Would ahve saved myself a whole lot of grief!
I know I deserve so much better, and you know what? If I can't find better, then I am VERY happy to hoof it alone!!
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:44 PM
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I am so sorry about your loss and your health problems.
That is really alot to deal with..and you don't need one more thing to worry over.
Please take special good care of yourself!
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Old 10-12-2010, 02:47 PM
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So sorry about your troubles, and most especially the loss of your mom.

Good for you for getting him out. And thank you for posting your story. I think it is helpful for others to read about what happened to you. We come in here thinking if they would just stop drinking, presto, change-o, we would get our happily ever after.

And it just doesn't work that way.

The important thing is you were strong enough this time around to know what you know, and put a stop to it. Good for you!
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Old 10-12-2010, 04:43 PM
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I am sorry about your loss of your mother. And, I am happy that you have let your abf go.

New day, new life!
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:31 PM
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I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:37 PM
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Wishing you peace and healing, NH. I am so sorry that you lost your mother.

Hoofing it alone isn't such a bad thing, is it? I hope you find exactly what you need in this alone time that you've chosen.
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:26 AM
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Thank you for all the sympathy wishes and for your support and concern. My mom was my best friend my whole adult life and its hard to believe she is gone! She was in the mid-to-late stages of Alzheimers and our family has watched her health and mind decline drastically over the past several years. We began missing our mom several years ago, but she is now at peace and in a much better place.
As odd as it may sound to some, I feel that Mom has sent me an extra boost of strength to deal with the alcoholic in my life. I feel strong right now and hope that it lasts.

Can anyone tell me if I will EVER get over this hatred for alcohol? I have seen it take over people, kill people and ruin families and lives. When I see or hear of people going out to get drunk, talking about what they want to drink over the weekend, or even when I see commercials on TV, it literally turns my stomach!!!!! I used to enjoy a few beers or a cocktail once in awhile, but now I can barely stomach the thought of it!
I guess my subconscience relates alcohol = pain, suffering, turbulance...etc. Anyone else have this attitude after dealing with alcoholism???

Thanks again for listening and for everyone's thoughts and prayers.
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Old 10-13-2010, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by NeedHappiness View Post
Can anyone tell me if I will EVER get over this hatred for alcohol? I have seen it take over people, kill people and ruin families and lives. When I see or hear of people going out to get drunk, talking about what they want to drink over the weekend, or even when I see commercials on TV, it literally turns my stomach!!!!! I used to enjoy a few beers or a cocktail once in awhile, but now I can barely stomach the thought of it!
I guess my subconscience relates alcohol = pain, suffering, turbulance...etc. Anyone else have this attitude after dealing with alcoholism???
Yes, I remember that. In fact, it took me over a year before I could even have a glass of wine with dinner. I am able to enjoy a glass of wine or a margarita now, but it took a while.

I still get disgusted at beer commercials, though.

L
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Old 10-13-2010, 09:55 AM
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Yes its normal but once it sinks in its the human being abusing the substance, not the substance itself, you recover the same attitude you had before (I also enjoy a glass of red wine with pasta, a margarita with my sister, cider in Xmas). Although it took more than a year for me!

I am disgusted at beer and Axe commercials and anything that degrades women. Including some men! I get the concern about pets, but I can tell you after 2 weeks my cats barely noticed a boyfriend is gone. I know they love me way more lol. I hope you can keep it and stop lending it so you can go no contact! can you put a Chip on the dog so it can be located no matter what ?


Thanks, thanks for sharing this. I often think "perhaps he is back to the good person I knew" and thanks to posts like these I realize I am so lucky to have addiction away from me.. no more magical thinking.... no more loss of time.

Welcome to a Brand New Day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOUPz3eYsNs
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Old 10-13-2010, 10:00 AM
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PS the video sucks IMHO but i like the music
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Old 10-13-2010, 12:46 PM
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Boy, can I relate about your feelings about your dog! I have three border collies that are my "children"! They have been my therapy for my darkest points in my life.

"The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground where the wintery winds blow, and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the sores and wounds that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his Pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in it's journey through the heavens. If misfortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in it's embrace, and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by the graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true, even in death."

-From a speech given by Former Senator George Graham Vest of Missouri. Delivered in 1870 when he was acting as a lawyer in a suit against a man who had killed the dog of his client. -- He won the case.

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Old 10-13-2010, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by NeedHappiness View Post
Thank you for all the sympathy wishes and for your support and concern. My mom was my best friend my whole adult life and its hard to believe she is gone! She was in the mid-to-late stages of Alzheimers and our family has watched her health and mind decline drastically over the past several years. We began missing our mom several years ago, but she is now at peace and in a much better place.
As odd as it may sound to some, I feel that Mom has sent me an extra boost of strength to deal with the alcoholic in my life. I feel strong right now and hope that it lasts.

Can anyone tell me if I will EVER get over this hatred for alcohol? I have seen it take over people, kill people and ruin families and lives. When I see or hear of people going out to get drunk, talking about what they want to drink over the weekend, or even when I see commercials on TV, it literally turns my stomach!!!!! I used to enjoy a few beers or a cocktail once in awhile, but now I can barely stomach the thought of it!
I guess my subconscience relates alcohol = pain, suffering, turbulance...etc. Anyone else have this attitude after dealing with alcoholism???

Thanks again for listening and for everyone's thoughts and prayers.
I haven't. I don't want to be anywhere near it and I won't tolerate people who are drinking heavily.

And I loved beer.
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Old 10-13-2010, 05:33 PM
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I still enjoy a cold beer on a hot day, and sharing a wine with my mum when we get together. I can also enjoy a couple of whiskey and dry's at a party, but that is only after a few years of loathing the sight and smell of a pub.

As for drinking, no way until I saw what a misery Mary I had become, and that his damned problem with drink had got a hold on me.

I now can do my thing and RABF is fine with that.....not that worries me anymore, as he did his thing IN MY FACE, despite causing trouble and health strife for me. As he said, "if it does cause me grief, I can go away."

I refuse to let alcoholism take any more pleasures from me.
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Old 10-13-2010, 05:55 PM
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Yes, I remember hating alcohol and everything related to it for quite some time. I don't drink it at all now, because I am also alcoholic. I do not participate in jokes about alcohol, react to conversations people have about weekends or parties. Even on FaceBook I will not comment on people's posts joking about consumption, or stories or pictures of parties etc. When I see people drunk and partying, I feel sorry that they do not know what they are doing. Many people I "know" on FB still party like I did in my twenties and they are in their forties!

Don't beat yourself up about letting him back, or about the year. I'm a true believer that we all have to go thru what we have to go thru in order to learn what we need to learn. You get to it at your own pace, and just as is true with most people, you can't be TOLD your lesson, you have to LIVE it. I think you did GREAT! I bet if you look back you can see how much you have grown in the past year.

I am so very sorry and saddened to hear of the passing of your Mom. But I am glad she is finally at peace. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and it was so sad.
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:59 PM
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Having lived through its destruction, as a rule, I don't drink alcohol, I don't serve it in my home and I don't give it as a gift.
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