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Struggling with my emotions

Old 10-09-2010, 09:07 AM
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Struggling with my emotions

It's been one week since I asked the xabf to leave , which he did with relevant ease thinking about it .After speaking to landlord who was under the impression that xabf was taking on the rental of house , we struck a deal which meant I could afford to stay here , much to the relief of my girls also .I've had a few weak moments when i've cried myself to sleep over the xabf , finding it hard to believe he could throw me and the girls away like litter in the gutter .
He's texted asking for his computer equipment (flight simulator) etc today which he knows he will get when he's squared up for outstanding bills... oh and a text saying he had a woman now , couldn't lie to me , was sorry but I had my chance !! .. I know I should be sat here thinking , good luck to her , she may be getting the sausage now , but she'll end up with the whole pig ! ... but i'm devastated , he was never interested in other women when he's left before , only in the beer .
I wish i could travel forward in time six months , then maybe the pain in my heart wouldn't be so great ... ESH greatly appreciated right now
cyta x
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Old 10-09-2010, 09:57 AM
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... but i'm devastated , he was never interested in other women when he's left before , only in the beer .
He is STILL only interested in the beer. Women, men, whatever, we are ALL just a means to an end for the alcoholic. It has NOTHING to do with you. People who are alcoholics and addicts are not looking for normal, healthy relationships. They are looking for sick relationships with other sick people who enable their alcoholism and allow them to continue to behave badly. Period. They speak in terms of romance, relationships, and love in order to manipulate you.

The fastest, easiest way out of these feelings is to bite the bullet and stop communicating with him. Stop listening to the poison of his words. Go No Contact.

The reason he is TELLING you these things, such as this nonsense:
sorry but I had my chance !!
Is intended to manipulate you and your emotions. If you no longer listen to his words, you cannot be manipulated. The longer you go without listening, the healthier you get.
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Old 10-09-2010, 10:22 AM
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i know it hurts as mine did it to me, but try not to take it personally. it is no reflection on you as a person. he simply moved onto the next enabler. he might be lying just to manipulate you.

if you want to ease your pain, try going no contact with him. change your phone number so he can't call anymore.

if you keep talking to him, you can expect your pain to continue, plus you risk getting sucked back in.
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Old 10-09-2010, 10:49 AM
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oh and a text saying he had a woman now , couldn't lie to me , was sorry but I had my chance !!
The truth is, HE had HIS chance, and he blew it. He knows that, but it's easier to shift the blame to you than to own up!

Where the other woman is concerned, you said it best...she will eventually find out that she signed up for the whole pig, not just the sausage.

cried myself to sleep over the xabf , finding it hard to believe he could throw me and the girls away like litter in the gutter .
I've been there and it hurts, I know. He is not worried about your emotions or pain, only his need to medicate. He probably DOES fully realize what he has given up (you and your girls) and that is why he has so quickly found someone else. She is another drug, a painkiller.

Once the pain has started to ease, and it will , I hope you can see this as your opportunity to learn, and grow, and live life! The life that you were meant to have, free from someone else's issues. The one that doesn't depend on someone else for happiness. The one that gives you peace and joy every day, regardless of your circumstances. Take care of yourself first, and remember that by doing so, your girls will be the beneficiaries. You need and deserve you, a healthy you, and so do your girls.

Hugs and peace to you. You can get through this...and come out happier and healthier and stronger in the end.
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Old 10-09-2010, 10:58 AM
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if you keep talking to him, you can expect your pain to continue, plus you risk getting sucked back in.
Naive is absolutely right about this. No contact is so important for you. Chances are very, very good that he will try to schmooze his way back in. And as much as you may want that -- right now -- it only prolongs the agony.
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Old 10-09-2010, 01:17 PM
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Thankyou for the replies , I get great comfort from reading them . I've turned my phone off this evening and tomorrow plan to get a new number if my service provider can not block his number PERMANENTLY ,then hopefully I may feel calmer in myself
cyta x
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Old 10-09-2010, 01:32 PM
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Uh....you had your "chance" at WHAT??? Yuck.
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Old 10-09-2010, 01:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live View Post
Stop listening to the poison of his words. Go No Contact.

The reason he is TELLING you these things:

Is intended to manipulate you and your emotions.

when you do this...THE HEALTHIER YOU WILL GET


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Old 10-10-2010, 12:56 AM
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Hugs, Cytagirl. I agree that his communication about the other woman and 'your' chance is an attempt to emotionally manipulate you. She is just the next enabler, the next person to put up with the drinking and related craziness. I know right now hearing that probably doesn't make the pain any less, but it will ease over time. It helped me to make a list of off the cr-ppy behaviors that I no longer had to deal with and which will now be her problem.
Hugs.
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