coffeedrinker

of course.

Seren

chicory

Hydrogirl, Opivotal, tjp, and Coffeedrinker,

you all just made my day.

Thank you, for the true support. it means more than you know.

I will watch for action. He is not doing this for any other reason than that

he does not want to go to the street. I just pray that some thing may

happen at the doctors that helps him. He is grateful anyway.

I shall sleep better tonight, knowing that I have some good friends who

really care and support me, even if I do it differently or wrong.

I promise that I shall do the same for you.

thanks for stopping by opivotal- I really am glad to have met you. thanks for the help, too. I will stay strong and do my best to keep my boundaries strong. hope to talk with you again.

tjp- it has been a tough one. i feel so exhausted. i really wish yoga and meditation was part of my life. maybe i should check them out? are dvd's good to learn by?

you are all amazing women, and i am thankful for you.

love and hugs,
chicorygrouphug:

wicked

I understand doing every last thing you can chicory.
You will find your peace, you want it so badly.
I will be thinking good thoughts for you and your son.
We all do it one day at a time.

Beth

chicory

((((((((Beth))))))

thank you dear. yes, I want peace so badly. I tried to turn it over so many times today. I fear that this will not bring any new changes,but i have decided to leave that to HP. I am just doing what i feel i have to.

thank you for understanding. that means so much to me. and thank you, for the good wishes for us. One day at a time. I will hold that thought.

big hugs,
chicory

tjp613

I was really into my yoga class when I took it a couple years ago...something about the energy in the room that made it so peaceful, y'know? But DVD's are not a bad substitute! I had a couple of good ones. Just the stretching and breathing alone are extremely therapeutic. You and your daughter should find a class and go together....you'd love it! You know the problems I've been having with my baby girl lately and I enrolled her last week. She had her 1st class Saturday and can't wait to go back...she said she thinks about it all the time! I am so hopeful it will help her and I truly believe it will.

If all else fails, order a simple "relaxation" CD on the internet and plug in those headphones! You'll sleep like a baby.

(((Hugs)))

wpainterw

Hi Annette: I tend to agree with Lexicat that there is a risk of loss of credibility with your son if you delay his move to the shelter so as to expedite his resolving medical issues with a physician. But I am just not wise enough to second guess anyone on this issue, particularly since you of all people know your son and all the surrounding circumstances. So all I can do is wish you my very best and hope that the situation improves. In the final analysis it is doubtful that he will start into recovery until he becomes desperate enough to do so and until his life becomes so troublesome that there seems to be no other alternative than to start to get well. Perhaps he is starting to realize that he is in the grip of something which, unless he faces up to it, will take him further down the road of unhappiness, sorrow and potential destruction. He hates being preached at and I can identify with that but this reminds me of the fellow whom I met at a meeting who said that things got so bad with him that he would have done anything, even run into the park naked if that were required, just to start back on the road to recovery. Thus when things get so bad that recovery is not everything but “the only thing”, as Yogi Berra used to say, then this opens up the possibility of getting well. If he thinks he can fake you out by promising this and promising that then recovery may be postponed. I’m truly sorry that you haven’t received more cooperation from the rest of your family. This makes a conventional “intervention” less likely and of course greatly increases the burden on you. But you seem to be brave and have stamina so I hope it works out somehow. Every good wish. You are in my thoughts often.

W.

chicory

W,

thank you for your post. and for the insight.

I am so torn. I have never been one to trust my own decisions. child of alcoholics. i dont trust my self to make smart choices. but i have to try, and i keep trying. i could waffle back and forth on just about everything.

Jadmack25

I have not been in this position with an A child, and don't have a clue how I would handle it if I had to. I think however, that despite all I learned and the advice and ideas for codies etc, from SR and other sources, I would be initially in "mum" mode.

Mum mode is "let me kiss it better, I will turn myself inside out to fix it".

All I can do Annette, is pray for guidence, desire for recovery and healing of issues in the family, for you all........especially peace for your heart.

chicory

Thank you Jadmack,

that means so much!

I will try to remember, through the day, that there are all kinds of prayers for us out there. I believe in prayer.

hugs and thanks again, dear lady,
chicory

wpainterw

Annette: I think of you and your difficulties often during the day. The more I think the more I am convinced of the power of the addictive process. When it goes far enough the body literally takes over the mind. The person you are talking to is not the person you knew but is the addiction, the body craving alcohol, desperate to have it since it has had its metabolism, etc. all switched around to deal with it. And so it more or less takes over the mind and this is what the problem is, both for the addict and for anyone dealing with the addict. Most of the time the only way to get out of this predicament involves something very powerful, like an intervention which sends someone to a rehab (and even then this often does not work for long), or some catastrophe which brings an addict to his or her senses. A sense that time has run out or what folks often refer to as reaching a "bottom". My mother spent most of her life trying to "rescue" her kids from themselves. It never worked, only made matters worse. My wife acted as my enabler. And finally, after many many years I somehow came to my senses. But I am convinced that I never would have made it back without the help and support of fellow sufferers. Recovery is, or for me was and continues to be, a group thing. I have many issues about AA in its traditional form but it was there when I needed it. Obviously it's not the only group program and hopefully your son will be able to find one which helps him.
Meanwhile, there's only so much a parent can do and I sense that you've done all you can. You're the best person to make decisions and I'm sure you know you are dealing with something very powerful and dangerous. Every good wish to you all.

Bill

kiki5711

how old is your son? I think you said he's in his 30s? do people make fun of him that he still lives with his mother?

I can't imagine why he won't move out? at least he could drink without being buggered for it? I'm not saying that I'd want him too, but what I'm trying to say is that in MY life I"ve come to the point where I'm really really sick of my older daughter and her problems and dumping them on me constantly. Sick of it. And she don't even live here.

I'm going to tell her that if she calls me one more time, all drunk and stuff and starts balling and yelling about all kinds of ****, that I'm going over there and pulling her teeth out.!!!! I'm just so damn fed up. The next day she acts like everything is all dandy, while it takes me a week to calm down and my stomach feels tight and my chest hurts.

I'm starting to feel so resentful, I want to choke her. Sick of it. I'm Just sick of it.

chicory

[QUOTE=kiki5711;2756422]how old is your son? I think you said he's in his 30s? do people make fun of him that he still lives with his mother?

I can't imagine why he won't move out? at least he could drink without being buggered for it? I'm not saying that I'd want him too, but what I'm trying to say is that in MY life I"ve come to the point where I'm really really sick of my older daughter and her problems and dumping them on me constantly. Sick of it. And she don't even live here.

I'm going to tell her that if she calls me one more time, all drunk and stuff and starts balling and yelling about all kinds of ****, that I'm going over there and pulling her teeth out.!!!! I'm just so damn fed up. The next day she acts like everything is all dandy, while it takes me a week to calm down and my stomach feels tight and my chest hurts.


kiki
he is 38, and no one makes fun- he has stayed with friends most of his time since school. he didnt drink then, just played computer games with all of them. bunch of geeks. drinking came later, about six years ago. he has no job, no car, no means of support, so keaving would be to a homeless shelter.

your d is on her own, so why not just hang up when she calls drunk?

and get yourself to some meetings before you lose yourself. i know that uit is maddening to talk to a person who has had too much to drink. tell her to get to aa, or stop calling you to fix her life. if she has children, are they gettiing any support?

hugs chicory

chicory

[QUOTE=wpainterw;2756165]Annette: I think of you and your difficulties often during the day. .


Bill,

i too am seeing the power of alcohol, thru this site and the info. it is hard to see it as you look at your loved one tho-when you come from an alcoh. family, and boundaries are already not what they should be.
thanks for thinking of us-


hugs,
chicory

kiki5711

I wouldn't even mind if my son or daughter lived with me till I'm dead and gone, but not if they're contributing to MY death.

Yes, this is the one that has a 4 yr old daughter. And that's the only reason I still answer the phone, because I want to make sure my grandaughter is all right.

TakingCharge999

Home practice yoga DVDs

Home Practice Yoga DVDs | Yoga Journal DVDs

When I lived in Austin I had no car and learned with this one, really good explanations and the instructor is very sweet and likable:

Step-By-Step: 3-Pack - Yoga Journal

The Disk 1 is really great. You will need to buy a yoga mat. Welcome to the yoga world. Doing yoga is when I truly rest, more so than sleeping. Join the SR yoga enthusiasts !

TakingCharge999

PS Prayers are being sent from your southern neighbor in Mexico near the Pacific coast

PPS Prayer works. Jadmack's prayers WORK, too !!

wpainterw

Annette:
Yes, it's hard not to think that you're still dealing with the same person. And it's even harder for the addict to realize that his real "self" has been, for the near term at least, taken over by the physical "needs" (i.e. for alcohol) of the body. Your "real" son is still there, somewhere, and in effect has become enslaved. So it's really about freeing the slaves and this is a big assignment indeed! Good luck to you and every good wish.

Bill