my mistake
 

I actually started to believe he was changing....that he was trying....
I guess it was just that honeymoon phase of the abusive cycle.
He was in a foul mood tonight when I talked to him, and he wanted to see the kids. He ended up working later, and I was at a football game. So I called him on my way home, and he immediately started yelling at me about was everyone okay...where was I...etc. Now, I had told him I would be at a football game tonight, I had even asked if he wanted to watch teh babies. Anyway, so he won't let me say a word...all I said was I told you where I'd be and I'd be home between 730 and 8. But he still yelled and hung up....so I get to the house and he is there is see the kids. I didn't want to talk to him, becuase he was so mean on the phone. I wasn't mean, I just wasn't going to engage. He left in a foul mood and now is texting me how he isn't going to be my little b anymore, and that I "hang up on him emotionally" everytime he is at hte house. He still has no fault...what the heck was I thinking, he hasn't changed...he is just hiding it again!

Sorry!

The good side is that your recovery is showing! You are aware! Good on you!

Time to detach?

Underneath he is still the little tin god he has always been, the "nice" is only skin deep.
Just because he forgot what you told him, he goes off his tree and lays it on to you.
I know you need to keep contact with him, but the first unpleasant words over the phone could be your cue to HANG UP immediately, and not answer further calls from him.

As for text messages, send the first nasty one back to him, and ignore any more.

No law on earth says you need tolerate or be hassled with offensive material.

I went 9 days no contact then exabf contacted me and said he was quitting the booze..went to visit him..very disappointed..his veneer of goodwill cracked quickly..he was abusive again, come to think of it nothing unusual for him,the difference is I am AWARE!

You now have the tools to deal with him, keep using them, your recovery is shining through.