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Back at work & drama starts

Old 10-06-2010, 01:38 PM
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Question Back at work & drama starts

My husband just got out rehab and first day back at work it all starts. I recieve a Txt with him saying that he was told I was talking to another man while in rehab. I get angry when I get accused of stuff I not done but even more so that this person is only stirring my husband up. Cause he is one of his past buddy's the one that use him for money to buy or him to sale stuff. My first thought he was txt these people when he shouldn't be but then I was told that two new people working with them. and that is the one's that telling him i talked to one. I've not seen these people don't even care to talk to these people. but how do you handle it. i talk to a man months ago back when my husband cheated on me but it was nothing more than he wanted hook up and i didn't. so now that my husband is clean it's brought up to him what is wrong with these people? why they have to stir him up and how can i do anything about it? i don't want my husband to fall back of wagon over bs.
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Old 10-06-2010, 02:58 PM
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You cannot control this situation. That is part of this that you just have to let go.
It's called detachment and being in a relationship with an active alcoholic or recovering alcoholic takes a lot of it. It doesn't mean you walk away and act cold, it means you don't make what he is going through your fault or your responsibility.
A driving force behind addiction is escapism and the inability people have in dealing with even the smallest amount of stress especially relationship stress.
He is under a lot of stress out of rehab. He is feeling a huge pull to get right back into the lifestyle of drinking to get away from his feelings. If he is going to drink that is his choice even though he will say or do anything he can to make it your fault.

Please keep reading the forum here. There are links at the top with reading that you will find helpful and will shed light on what you can do to get through this time.

There are many people who are in or have been in the very same situation you are in and they will offer you their support and experience, please let them.

You cannot save him. Only he can save himself from addiction. Even if he chooses not to, you can still feel better and take care of yourself so this kind of stress does not rule your life.

Take that step today. You are worth it!!

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Old 10-07-2010, 08:30 AM
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by the time i got home he was running off another friend/family member that is no good. i try not get upset but these people remind me of the crap he was putting me through before rehab. and he told them to leave cause i was on way home now does that mean he still does not want to say it was his chioce he went to rehab and allow everyone think it's all me? i was very happy to go to my first support group but for him he thinks i shouldn't. i went with him to AA i'm trying to be detached but it's hard... i still need work on that part. but when my house key reappeared on my porch yesterday it makes me very mad. i'm glad i had put a pad lock on my door when it came up missing.
and today it's do you love me? are you going stay my wife? why these questions? these question scare me and put doubt in my mind he will stay sober. i don't want to think that i want to stay positive in all this. he has worn me out but i love him and it's not just love it's i'm in love with him.
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Old 10-07-2010, 09:36 AM
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If your husband falls off the wagon, it's because he chooses to fall off the wagon, not because of some BS. He's an adult, and will make his own choices, poor though they may/may not be.

I highly encourage you to look into Alanon meetings for yourself. Find your own recovery for you.

Don't hinge your life on what he does. Take care of you!
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:44 PM
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To me, it doesn't sound like his rehab stay was much use to him, as I sure can't see recovery work in the comments and actions you posted.

It seems you are still in the same old bind, only without the drinking this time. Whether he falls or not is up to him, but does it matter whether he is drunk or sober...if the behavior is the same either way?

Going to Alanon and working on yourself are what you CAN do, because it is your business.......working on him is not.
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