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postponing the wedding due to relapse

Old 10-05-2010, 10:08 PM
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postponing the wedding due to relapse

My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. When we first met, I knew he was a drinker, but it wasn't until I moved in with him after our first year did I realize it was a problem. It became an issue in or relationship early on, and it was pretty much the only thing we ever fought about. We were both in grad school at the time, and I would come home on a Wednesday night and he would have had a whole bottle of wine by himself. This became a regular occurrence, and it affected his work, school, and our relationship. Last May, on his 30th birthday, he got a DUI. He's also a very mean drunk and has a problem with authority, so needless to say, when the police showed up, he did just about everything you can do to make the situation the worst possible.

After his DUI, his parents and I bailed him out. He felt remorseful, and decided to sober up. I believed that he truly felt bad, and I had faith in him to quit. He stayed sober for about 3 months, and then had a relapse. I forgave him and told him to attend an AA meeting or seek out help with a counselor. He told me he would go, and he again, felt remorseful for the relapse. However, time went by and he never went, but he stayed sober and I just let it go.

A few months later, he had another relapse. And throughout the couple of months, I had suspicions he had been drinking several times, but could not prove it, or maybe just didn't want to even go there. Finally, by December, when we were both graduating from Grad school, he can home knowing full well he had gone to a bar. He had lied to me about where he was, even when I called him earlier. He then tried to convince me it's okay for him to drink, and that he can go out and have a couple of shots. I finally had enough and called his sister and parents, who believed for this whole time (since the DUI in may) that he had been sober. All the relapses, he did not want me to tell his parents.

This resulted in an intervention and an in-patient program. He went in Mid-December and was there for 2 1/2 months. There were some complications with the program, as it was religion based and he did not agree with their tactics. It was a hard time for all of us, as he blamed me and his family for not researching enough and sending him to the wrong place. He ultimately did complete the program, mainly for the sake of his family. When he returned home, he seemed to have had a lot of time to think and seemed to be doing it for himself. He had been sober this whole time and soon after he came home, he asked me to marry him in March. I said yes.

We set our wedding date for February of next year (in 5 months) and I guess I believed he really changed and now he has the strength to stay sober. I had my doubts in the beginning, but he had stayed sober for 9 months, up until 2 weeks ago. He flew out of town for his work 2 weeks ago and left on a saturday. That Saturday around midnight, I get a call from the police saying they found him unconscious in the parking lot of a local bar, and they weren't sure if he had gotten into a fight and hit his head, but he was on his way to the hospital. I was freaked out! I didn't know how badly he was hurt, and I could not be there for him. The nurse later called me and said he had a blood alcohol level of 0.36, but besides some minor injuries, he seemed okay. They kept him in the hospital until he sobered up. I called in the morning, but he had been released already. I called his phone, his hotel, the hospital, and was worried sick because I was afraid he was still drunk and had gotten into some other kind of trouble on his way back from the hospital. He finally called me in the morning a few hours later and acted like nothing had happened. It wasn't until I brought up that I got a call from the police and nurse did he finally admit he had been drinking. He said he didn't remember anything, and if it wasn't for the bracelet on his arm from the hospital, he wouldn't have even known he was there.

Of course, he was remorseful and sorry, regretful and ashamed. I told him h needed to seek help and I gave him 2 weeks. I also told him he pretty much needs to never drink again ( because before he was convinced he can be sober for a period of time and then be able to control himself) He agreed with me, but 2 1/2 weeks passed and he acts like nothing ever happened. I finally asked him if he had gotten help and he said he will, and that he didn't realize the 2 weeks was such a strict deadline.
I then told him I'm not ready to marry in 5 months, and i need more time for him to prove to me he can do this, and to earn my trust back. He didn't take that so well, saying things like if I don't believe in him enough to marry him in 5 months, what's the difference between 1 year or 2 years? He also said I'm trying to punish him, and embarrass him, etc. He had been engaged once before and she called the wedding off so he's very sensitive in that department. However, I've made up my mind. He was trying to tell me to just leave and walk if I don't believe in him, but I was trying to tell him I still love him and I want to be with him, just marriage is too soon.
We haven't talked since and it's been 2 days. What do I do? Will he ever change? He says all these things but they just sound the same to me every time. I love him, but why does he give up so easily and just want to push me away? He turns all the blame on me.
I don't know what to do, can we even still be together after postponing the wedding? I feel like it'll just never happen then..
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Old 10-05-2010, 11:37 PM
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Hello dmmarch! Welcome, this forum is full with experience, strength and hope.
Make yourself at home.

What do I do?
What your gut and intuition tell you. It never fails. Never.

Will he ever change?
Alcoholism is chronic and progressive. He will always be an alcoholic.

In this forum there are alcoholic folks that have many years of sobriety though, so, its possible. However they have to take that decision and do it for themselves. Your partner does not seem ready yet. Maybe he is never ready- that depends on him 100%. Can you live with this uncertainty? can you live happy walking on eggshells?


I am very glad you are postponing the wedding. It is a very smart move. Why rush it? is it convenient for you to share finances, property, responsability with someone that cannot be trusted? hardly.


I really was heartbroken when an XABF (29) didn't remember anything. I went to live with him and noticed the extent of his alcoholism after months. I couldn't believe how different a sober him and a drunk him, were. By the end he told me he would drink until he died. That was 2 years ago. Today he still drinks and has a heavy drinker as a partner, too. And while I have mourned him, reading the stories here I am glad i did not marry or had kids with him.

And he made so many broken promises, I lost count.
In alcoholism you have to MUTE the person and see the actions. That is the truth.



Have you read the "classic reading" section in the Sticky part of the forum ?

Have you considered going to a therapist? interacting with an alcoholic takes a huge toll. It helps a lot, to have an ally whose goal is for you to be happy, and find out why you are attracted to someone chaotic and unstable. Often it has to do with our past and personal history.


Perhaps after he has 1 year of sobriety you can reconsider... ?

Welcome again.
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Old 10-05-2010, 11:43 PM
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Addiction, Lies and Relationships

First the addict lies to himself about his addiction, then he begins to lie to others. Lying, evasion, deception, manipulation, spinning and other techniques for avoiding or distorting the truth are necessary parts of the addictive process. They precede the main body of the addiction like military sappers and shock troops, mapping and clearing the way for its advance and protecting it from hostile counterattacks.
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Old 10-05-2010, 11:46 PM
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What Addicts Do
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (What Addicts Do)

There Are Many Ways To Enable an Alcoholic
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (There are many ways to enable an alcoholic)

Alcoholism is a tragic three act play in which there are at least 4 characters
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Alcoholism is a tragic three act play in which there are at least 4 characters #1)

Red Flags
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Red Flags)
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Old 10-06-2010, 03:40 AM
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you said you both went to graduate school. what did you graduate from? are you both working?
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Old 10-06-2010, 03:54 AM
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Might be time to live separately, to remove yourself from the chaos. He is not in recovery, he is just not drinking sometimes...world of difference.

Perhaps it would help you to attend meetings too, to better understand thet we codies are sick too, just in another way.

Keep reading, keep posting it will help.
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Old 10-06-2010, 04:20 AM
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I'd Walk the other way - right out of this man's life.
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Old 10-06-2010, 05:03 AM
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I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel, having given a deadline and waiting to make a definitive decision to go or stay. I'm currently in the same situation with my wife. It's definitely confusing and hard but hang in there. You were smart to put off the wedding. Take care of yourself first. The people around here are very smart and have a lot of good input. They've helped me a lot, so keep posting.
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Old 10-06-2010, 05:40 AM
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My experience. I "took a break" from the relationship when I was dating my first husband, who was a raging alcoholic (not rageful toward me, just a raging drunk). In the couple months we were apart, he went to AA (at age 21) and in the ensuing 30 years he has not picked up another drink. He was sober for a year when we got married. We split up for other reasons.

I married my second husband (yup, I can pick 'em) during a sober interval after he had almost died from alcoholism (liver failure, whole nine yards). He had been mostly sober with a couple of slips for several months when we got married. We moved across the country, and he promptly went back to drinking, lost his job, would not look for another, and spent his days drinking or passed out while I was working. I moved out after about six months of this, divorced him, and as far as I know he is still drinking himself to death fifteen years later.

So maybe yours will get well, or maybe he won't, but what you do has relatively little to do with it. You have to look out for your own happiness in life, and so far, he seems unwilling to give it up. His complaining about his family not "choosing the right rehab" for him is classic blame-shifting and excuse-making.

Cancelling the wedding is a good beginning. I really suggest Al-Anon--it was a lifesaver for me--helped me to calm down, think straight, and make good decisions for myself.
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Old 10-06-2010, 09:08 AM
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dmmarch I also agree you need to listen to your gut--that is what told you to call off the wedding. I think this was wise. There is no reason to rush into a marriage ever.

I was where you were right now a number of years ago-and we had put money down on a house on top of it. I lived with an alcoholic that has been in denial his entire life and although the best he ever did was outpatient treatment-he did not want to recover. He wanted to shut me up. I finally divorced him when I could not take it anymore and it started to impact our kids. I am not sure why I waited as long as I did. Well, actually I do. I was a raging codependent. Once I started working on myself I could not stay because the blinders were off and I started to take care of me and the kids and left him to deal with his own stuff.

He did (does) the same thing. The tossing of guilt to make it seem like it is my fault he drinks, his life is crappy, he cannot get a job, fill in the blank. He has admitted to me he is an alcoholic at points during our marriage and told me he is ashamed of himself. He may have been, but that did not stop him from drinking or drugging. It was not enough to make him stop.

You did not make him an alcoholic and there is nothing you can do to stop him from being an alcoholic. If you can get your hands on Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and/or go to an AlAnon meeting it may help you answer some of the questions you have.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is really hard. Hugs to you. You will find many caring and wise people here. SR has helped me start to regain the person I lost-me.
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Old 10-06-2010, 09:52 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kiki5711 View Post
you said you both went to graduate school. what did you graduate from? are you both working?
We were both in school for architecture. We're both working, but with the timing of our graduation and the economy, it's tough. I'm working in the architecture field, but I work 3 jobs. And he's working at a bank as a teller just to have a job.
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Old 10-06-2010, 09:54 AM
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Thanks everyone for your helpful input, I will look into the suggestions you've all made

as for now, we haven't talked or barely seen each other since the talk about postponing the wedding.
We live together, so it's super hard, but I've been keeping busy. I'm waiting for him to respond to me and take it from there..
I'll keep you updated
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Old 10-06-2010, 10:25 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery. As you can see, there is a great deal of wisdom, support and experience on this pages.

You are obviously, a very smart woman. Postponing the wedding was definitely the right thing to do.

Keep reading and posting, and please remember that there is absolutely nothing you can do to control or cure this disease. My ex-alcoholic boyfriend lied, and sneaked the drinking and pretended he cared about being sober and healthy. He ultimately said he drank because I did not trust him. He said he drank because he was afraid he would lose me. I did not trust him by then, but he drank because he is an alcoholic. And he did lose me because I did not trust him, and I thought I'd lose my mind trying to reason with him and reconcile what he said with what I knew he was doing which were completely at odds. Crazy making for sure!

Al anon has been very helpful to me as well since we separated. I have learned so much and mostly I've learned to listen to my instincts and take care of myself above all else.

Seems to me you have very good instincts already.

Again,
Welcome to SR. Sorry you are going through this difficult time.
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Old 10-06-2010, 02:34 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
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The one thing I learned from being with an AH who tried recovery is this. An A can talk all he wants, he can make promises, he can be so convincing how he can beat the disease, how his love for me can move mountains and will ultimately cure him of his disease. Because THAT is how much he loves me. Arent I special? Well. I believed an A. He never stayed sober. He relapsed all the time. He could go about 90 days and then hit the bottle like he never stopped. I listened to all his promises and I think he really meant them because he was very sincere. I put my life on hold over and over again and got pretty sick myself. I no longer want to hear what an A has to say..its all rubbish unless they have made it through recovery for a year and are working their steps.

That is what I learned from my 8 years with my stbxah...If I had the chance to do it over, I would never have married him. Alcoholism is progressive. I married a weekend drinker who turned into a nightly drinker. One never realized HOW BAD ALCOHOLISM CAN GET until they are already in the thick of it. I used to say how much I loved him and would stick by him no matter what. That was before I almost died inside. Love isnt about this kind of pain. Sickness or not, its his responsibility to get better.
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Old 10-06-2010, 04:23 PM
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pay attention to what they DO, not what they SAY.

alcoholics will blame you. this takes the heat off of them.

your man is not being honest with you. he would not have mentioned the hospital incident to you. he proved this by not mentioning it. how many other incidents are there that you are unaware of that he hasn't mentioned? in this case, the police informed you.

getting a DUI and drinking until you fall down and are hospitalized is serious drinking. you can expect more of the same.

you gave him a two week deadline and he comes back and says "oh, he didn't realize the two week deadline?" nonsense.

if you give a boundary, stick to it. they will walk all over our boundaries. say what you mean and then actually do it!

alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse.
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Old 10-07-2010, 08:12 PM
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His reply - begging not to cancel the wedding, what do i do?

I did listen to you the other night and I've been trying to understand your reasons for wanting to cancel our wedding date. I don't agree with you. In fact, it breaks my heart that you don't feel comfortable marrying me. I'm about as upset about that as a person can be. Don't ever think that I'm taking all this lightly. And it's not just about being mad. To me, the bottom line is, if you don't have confidence in our future together now then we shouldn't fool ourselves that we will eventually have what it takes to make a marriage work. If I don't screw up for a given time period that doesn't change anything to me. In my mind, that doesn't make me any more suitable to marry. I'll be the same person you would've married on Feburay 19th. How does extra months of sobriety guarentee you anything? It kills me to say this because I love you, but if your considering putting off our wedding until you're more comfortable with me and our relationship, you should consider just breaking up with me. At some point, you either have what it takes or you don't.

I thought our friendship was strong enough for you to bet on me despite of my indiscretion (or weaknesses or struggles with sobriety), but that's not the case. You knew I was struggling through this **** when we got engaged. Obviously you've completely lost trust in me now. I can't re-create an environment in which you trust me. I never want something like the DUI or what happened in Sioux Falls to ever happen again. Making sure something like that never happens again is increadibly important to me and it will get serious effort. At the same time, you wont' accept any guarentees. I'm still trying to figure out why or how I wind up in those situations. Narconon was a start but the wrong approach. That's probably the first and most important thing I'm going to talk to the therapist about. I accept the fact that there is a lack of self control there and that it causes me to put myself in dangerous situations. I lack the self control to stop drinking once I start. More importantly, in the case of Sioux Falls, I lacked the self control to keep myself from drinking in the first place.

You should know that it has nothing to do with how much I love you. I have a problem with alcohol that goes beyond my feelings for you. My problem with alcohol was around before I met you. It's not something I had ever gained complete control over, but at the same time I've really been trying. You have to admit I've been fighting to get it under control. It probably has more to do with how much I love myself than how much I love you. It's stuff that I need to talk to someone about. I'm confident I can figure it out but I don't know where that leaves us in the present. More and more I've started to notice you treating me like i'm a burden to you or easily replaceable. Now, it's like I'm not worth it. The good things I do and the love we have isn't good enough for you anymore. You told me yourself that you're not happy in our life together. You're bored. You're not happy with your work or mine. You're not happy with our lifestyle. More often than not you are comlaining about something i'm doing wrong.

The worst part of all this is that I feel like you're doing this to punish me because I ****** up. I know you also think my parents just have to know about what happened and I disagree with that too. At some point I need to be able to make my own desicions about what I do and do not share with my parents regarding the ins and outs of my life. There's also nothing wrong with us having our own problems between us. We don't have to air out our all of our problems to our friends and family. You don't have to share every little detail about my drinking with your friends. When you move back our wedding, all of these people are going to need an explaination. Are you also going to share with all of them the reason your calling off our wedding date? Well I don't want people to know about what happened. I've done what you've asked me to do. I set up an appointment for Friday to start talking to a therapist regarding how I can go about making sure nothing like what happened in Sioux Falls ever happens again. I want that more than anything else; To make sure I have the tools and self awareness to avoid alcohol in the future.

I'm asking you and even begging you not to cancel our wedding date. I love you. I want to be your husband forever and I really am trying to be a better man for you. I know I ****** up and that I need more help. Please just give me one more chance and don't move back our wedding!! I'm not going to screw up your life or make you regret marrying me. I promise you I will give my best effort to addiction therapy and I'll do whatever it takes to make things work between us.
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Old 10-08-2010, 04:03 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
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alcoholic translation of dmmarch's finance letter:

I did listen to you the other night and I've been trying to understand your reasons for wanting to cancel our wedding date. I don't agree with you.
i am in denial about my drinking. i didn't hear you at all when you said that my drinking is an issue for you. you are being unreasonable.

In fact, it breaks my heart that you don't feel comfortable marrying me. I'm about as upset about that as a person can be.
why must you keep going on about my drinking. what is your problem! why do you think that because i got a DUI, walked out of rehab, lied to you, ended up pissed and in a hospital with injuries that drinking is a problem in our relationship! you are such a silly girl. i will change your mind about this and then continue drinking as soon as i get you back. but i will be sneakier than before.

Don't ever think that I'm taking all this lightly. And it's not just about being mad. To me, the bottom line is, if you don't have confidence in our future together now then we shouldn't fool ourselves that we will eventually have what it takes to make a marriage work.
i am threatening you now. our problem is not my drinking, it is your lack of confidence in me.

If I don't screw up for a given time period that doesn't change anything to me. In my mind, that doesn't make me any more suitable to marry. I'll be the same person you would've married on Feburay 19th. How does extra months of sobriety guarentee you anything
i don't want to stop drinking. you saying you won't marry me is getting in the way of my drinking. sure, i could stop for 5 months and you would probably marry me but that is a lot of hassle, as i'll have to pretend i'm going to AA and therapy and i don't want to stop drinking! it'll be a major inconvenience to me to waste my time in AA and therapy...a total waste of my time.

It kills me to say this because I love you
it kills me to say this because my first love is drink

but if your considering putting off our wedding until you're more comfortable with me and our relationship, you should consider just breaking up with me.
i'm playing my hand so that you will not cancel the wedding. i'm a manipulator and this is a bluff you might fall for.

At some point, you either have what it takes or you don't.
another bluff. i don't think you'll break up with me, so i'll threaten you with losing me altogether if you don't marry me NOW!

I thought our friendship was strong enough for you to bet on me despite of my indiscretion (or weaknesses or struggles with sobriety), but that's not the case. You knew I was struggling through this **** when we got engaged. Obviously you've completely lost trust in me now.
you are being completely unreasonable. i promised you i would stay off the drink and i didn't. that aside, you really have a problem with trust. why would getting a DUI, hiding my drinking and lying to you cause you to loose trust in me? oh, and i was going to tell you about the police picking me up. i only lied about it temporarily ... i was going to come clean with you. and now, here you go on again about trust! why won't you trust me! you have deep problems. i think it is you who needs to go to therapy for your trust issues.

I can't re-create an environment in which you trust me.
i refuse to accept that trust must be earned. i want your trust right now even though i lie to you a lot.

I never want something like the DUI or what happened in Sioux Falls to ever happen again. Making sure something like that never happens again is increadibly important to me and it will get serious effort.
i have no intention of getting real help. i have proven this by not getting any help until i was forced to by that crummy intervention you guys did. i will not get help of my own volition because I DO NOT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM. you guys continue to blow this way out of proporation. that is why i have to lie to you. otherwise, you make such a big deal out of nothing...

At the same time, you wont' accept any guarentees. I'm still trying to figure out why or how I wind up in those situations. Narconon was a start but the wrong approach. That's probably the first and most important thing I'm going to talk to the therapist about. I accept the fact that there is a lack of self control there and that it causes me to put myself in dangerous situations. I lack the self control to stop drinking once I start. More importantly, in the case of Sioux Falls, I lacked the self control to keep myself from drinking in the first place.
hmmm. how to convince her that i can still drink. let's see. i got it! it's a self-control issue, not an alcohol dependency issue. that's it. i will work on my self-control. then i can exercise my self-control by proving to her that i can drink in moderation. that'll work. she'll buy that.

You should know that it has nothing to do with how much I love you.
you should know that it has nothing to do with how much i love you and everything to do with how much i love drink!

I have a problem with alcohol that goes beyond my feelings for you.
i love alcohol more than i love you.

My problem with alcohol was around before I met you. It's not something I had ever gained complete control over, but at the same time I've really been trying. You have to admit I've been fighting to get it under control. It probably has more to do with how much I love myself than how much I love you.
i was drinking when i met you, have drank throughout our relationship and now you have a problem with it? that's not fair.

It's stuff that I need to talk to someone about.
i will not talk to anyone about this, as i have proven by ignoring your two week deadline. i will only talk to someone about this to please you and manipulate you into thinking i actually want to stop drinking. i like hiding my drinking so why would i talk to anyone about it?

I'm confident I can figure it out but I don't know where that leaves us in the present. More and more I've started to notice you treating me like i'm a burden to you or easily replaceable. Now, it's like I'm not worth it. The good things I do and the love we have isn't good enough for you anymore. You told me yourself that you're not happy in our life together. You're bored. You're not happy with your work or mine. You're not happy with our lifestyle. More often than not you are comlaining about something i'm doing wrong.
really, i don't have a problem. you do. if i shift all of the blame onto you, it will get the focus off of my drinking.

The worst part of all this is that I feel like you're doing this to punish me because I ****** up.
i refuse to be accountable for my actions and how they have hurt you. i think only of myself and i am clueless about the suffering i have inflicted on you and my parents. why won't you get off of my case!

I know you also think my parents just have to know about what happened and I disagree with that too.
i like to hide my drinking. you all really have no idea how much i drink when you're not around, because i am so good at hiding it! i am very clever see. i am exceptional actually and all those stories about alcoholics will never happen to me because i am special.

At some point I need to be able to make my own desicions about what I do and do not share with my parents regarding the ins and outs of my life.
don't you dare tell them!

There's also nothing wrong with us having our own problems between us.
i demand that you never tell anyone about my drinking. i don't give you that right. let's keep it a secret between us. then i can drink in peace.

We don't have to air out our all of our problems to our friends and family.
even though my drinking is hurting you, you are not to confide to anyone about it. you must suffer silently. hey, do you think i care if you need some support with all this chaos i've brought into your life? i don't. you better not say anything to anyone or else!

You don't have to share every little detail about my drinking with your friends. When you move back our wedding, all of these people are going to need an explaination. Are you also going to share with all of them the reason your calling off our wedding date?
how dare you! since i am only concerned about myself, i do not give you permisssion to explain why you called off the wedding. you must say nothing.

Well I don't want people to know about what happened. I've done what you've asked me to do. I set up an appointment for Friday to start talking to a therapist regarding how I can go about making sure nothing like what happened in Sioux Falls ever happens again.
i am only going to the therapist to shut you up. if i go to the therapist then you will not talk to anyone about my drinking and you will still marry me. i don't want to go but it seems the easiest route at this point...what the heck...it's only an hour a week...i can suffer it. but if i go, you must in return NOT SPEAK TO ANYONE. deal?

I want that more than anything else; To make sure I have the tools and self awareness to avoid alcohol in the future.
i want more than anything for you to stop harping on this alcohol thing and fall back in line.

I'm asking you and even begging you not to cancel our wedding date. I love you.
if you do, then everyone will know i'm still drinking. i'm begging you to continue to enable my disease by hiding it.

I want to be your husband forever and I really am trying to be a better man for you. I know I ****** up and that I need more help. Please just give me one more chance and don't move back our wedding!!
once we are married, then it will be much more difficult for you to leave.

I'm not going to screw up your life or make you regret marrying me. I promise you I will give my best effort to addiction therapy and I'll do whatever it takes to make things work between us.
how could i screw up again as I DON'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM! i have a self-control problem, as i've explained already.
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Old 10-08-2010, 04:53 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
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I thought our friendship was strong enough for you to bet on me despite of my indiscretion!
Do you think that friendship is important in lovers relationship?When I tell my partnet thet we are friends first and partners later.He scold and tell me no we are not friends.WE are lovers.
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Old 10-08-2010, 05:39 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
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This was my personal favorite line:
At some point, you either have what it takes or you don't.
This is SUPPOSED to be a challenge. "Be all that you can be! Marry an alcoholic!"

If anything, I think that response should confirm in your mind that you made the right decision to postpone the wedding.
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Old 10-08-2010, 06:11 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
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At some point, you either have what it takes or you don't.
Yes, indeed - you might have what it takes to see through all his bs.
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