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Worlds Apart

Old 10-05-2010, 02:39 PM
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Skipper
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Worlds Apart

Thank you for all your help during the last week. This is an excellent resource, and you are all very experienced people. I appreciate this.

Just reading some of the situations around the world is helping me.

I'm in a spot, for sure. RABF, who has not had a drink in 6 days, is now acting as if his sobriety is the Final Destination. I was over the whole resentment thing about other drunks. I thought...maybe...?


The problem I'm experiencing now is with RABF. He thinks now that he's not drinking, he's treating me great. In my mind, he's short of the mark. I think that I'm finally voicing the needs I've had all along and he finds them impossible. He tells me that no matter what he does, I will never be happy with him. I tell him that my values were always there, I just never used my voice. Now I am, and he tells me I'm totally insane.

Is there ever going to be a place we can speak the same language, again. We used to be able to finish each other's sentences. Now, I feel worlds apart.

He is not attending AA. He is making strides, and I can see them, to participate in the family relationship more actively. He's not hiding in his bottle anymore. Today. I tell him that's great, but I'm not falling all over myself congratulating him. I think that's what he needs. I can't provide that need to him.

What can I do?
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Old 10-05-2010, 02:46 PM
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Sometimes, the drinking is just part of the problem. Maybe you have grown apart or so much has happened that you are no longer in love with him.
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Old 10-05-2010, 02:55 PM
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Six days is not a long time. He is not going to change over night and I'm not sure how well he'll do without some program. While it is understandable that you would like him to fix what you don't like about the relationship, his focus should be on himself and his Recovery. Have you thought about going to Al-Anon?
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Old 10-07-2010, 05:44 AM
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Skipper
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live View Post
Six days is not a long time. He is not going to change over night and I'm not sure how well he'll do without some program. While it is understandable that you would like him to fix what you don't like about the relationship, his focus should be on himself and his Recovery. Have you thought about going to Al-Anon?
I tried to go to an Al-anon meeting last week and they were no longer meeting at that location; however, there was an open AA meeting. That was not helpful to me.

I've called around, and it seems the Al-anon meeting is ever-elusive;so, now I'm giving up on that idea, and just reading here.

This is the thing, I'm tired of giving my time to HIS disease. Why should I care about where his focus should be. I really don't. And I don't really want to give any more time to trying to find any recovery. If he's not fine, he's not fine.
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Old 10-07-2010, 05:46 AM
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Skipper
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Sometimes, the drinking is just part of the problem. Maybe you have grown apart or so much has happened that you are no longer in love with him.
'In love' is such a weird topic for me. I've always believed love to be an active verb.

I want to love him. I'm holding back. I think it frightens me to love. him.
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