My Wife an Alcoholic ?

Old 10-06-2010, 04:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi hotpeppers-

i find that often the alcoholic assumes we will do nothing and continue to accept the status quo. afterall, we always have, haven't we?

i would definately take steps to safeguard your finances. i certainly wouldn't leave the finances in the hands of a drinker! time to review the finances and see what's actually going on. additionally, if you press her, she might just take off to pursue her drinking with your credit card. you might find that hard to believe but i've seen it time and time again.

consider closing the joint accounts, taking over the finances yourself, and leave her with her own credit cards in her name. an alcoholic will bankrupt you and it sounds as if she is pretty typical in her denial and hiding/lying patterns. i would guess that you haven't even discovered the tip of the iceberg yet.

i think it would be wholly reasonable to explain to her that you have decided that as long as she is drinking, you will manage the money you earn. she'll be surprised, fight against it, and then probably settle into scheming and stealing to maintain her habit.

as for your children, i would take a few steps to safeguard them. they already know what's going on, i would render a guess. if they were my children, i would educate them that if they have seen mom drinking (and kids don't miss much) not to get in a car with them. i would also provide both of them with a mobile pay as you go phone and if any situations arise, they can call you immediately from this phone.

essentially, i would explain that we are a team, we must work together, mom is drinking and explain to them never to get in a car with her if they feel she has been drinking and to call you immediately.

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Old 10-06-2010, 06:20 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 9
Trust your gut

step back and take a look at your relationship objectively. That's what I had to do - I was in denial for many years because my AH was functional, I could never tell if he was drunk or not. I ignored it - I didn't trust my gut and I was afraid to leave because I thought he needed me and I could help.

Turns out I can't help him - he has to help himself.

Don't jeopardize your job, your financial situation - find out where you stand so you can make good decisions.

I feel for you but trust your gut. ((((hugs)))
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Old 10-07-2010, 10:22 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: SLC UT
Posts: 13
Hi everyone,

I'm glad to have finally found a site that's active. There are so many dead forums out there. I've found this thread interesting because I too have an Alcoholic Wife. I want to thank Naive for the financial advice. I've been wrestling with whether or not to cut off my wife's finances. She is a stay at home mom and all her money comes from me. Lately her problem has become so prevalent that she has been dipping into the grocery money to pay for her addiction.

Since I'm new here I don't want to threadjack with my own problems. Maybe I should start a new thread? Anyway, I'm glad I've found this place. I desperately want to find a way to help my wife but avoid destroying my family in the process.
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:02 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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hi codeflayer-

yes, please start your own thread.

lot's of experience here. write it out and let us know what's going on...

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Old 10-07-2010, 02:08 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 9
Hi codeflayer

Welcome. Thanks for reading my thread.
I've just noticed you posted another thread. I'll go over and give it a read.
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:53 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: SLC UT
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Hi hotpeppers,

As you posted in my thread your wife will resemble my wife pretty soon. I'm also a newbie here so maybe we can help each other out. Looks like our first step is boundaries.
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