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Is anything ever true..

Old 10-04-2010, 11:22 AM
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Red face Is anything ever true..

I live with my GF and her father, they are both heavy drinkers. The only other time I have been involved or known a person whom drank like this is now dead. She was just a few years older than me and I am only 32. I am scared, nervous and mad. I knew her father drank alot, I knew she drank BUT didn't know the extent of it until the last year. I lost my grandmother who raised me and she was the best person in the world, I feel like I have turned my back on my own family. The father spends more on his liquor a month than my grandmother and family spent on food in 6 months.. I am bitter.. I love my GF, I do.. I just don't know if I am wasting what could be the best time of my life on someone who can't stay awake to talk to me, can't drive me anywhere.. Even out when I want to drink (WHICH IS RARE) with friends.. I miss having fun, I miss someone wanting me and I miss my GF.. I don't know if this is something I just starting missing or something I just didn't notice before. I am new to this site and am just looking for honest feedback.. Thank You.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:43 AM
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welcome! im pretty new here to but this is a wonderful group of people who have opened my eyes wide. read through the stickies and others posts.
One of the mantras on here is something i find very helpful
I did not CAUSE this
I can not CONTROL this
I can not CURE this.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:46 AM
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and i was the same way - no real experience with a alcoholic so missed so many of the warning flags and even when i realized, i thought i could fix him - now i know better - it's all in his hands
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:49 AM
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Hi and welcome to SR, you are in the right place, you have to decide whats best for you, im 10 years older than you, my AH was an A before we married, got sober and 8 years later is now back to where we were before we married. Get out now while you can, you deserve better. A is progressive and even if she recovers, she could fall off the wagon at any time. Perhaps you need to go to alanon, remember also the 3 c's.. You cant CONTROL it, You cant CURE it and You didnt CAUSE it and at the end of the day LOVE is not enough.... please keep posting, there will be lots of other wonderful people here who will give you lots more advice.
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Old 10-04-2010, 11:57 AM
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I know I don't want to be missing out on life because someone else wants to drink theirs away!

I know that I want to be important and loved by my mate and that there isn't a good reason to continue a relationship that isn't working and I see no common motivation for the future.

If I continue in a relationship that I shouldn't be in any longer..I will feel worse and worse.

This is from lived experience.

I shy away from anyone who's idea of living is drinking these days.
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Old 10-04-2010, 12:20 PM
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Nothing to say, except I know how you feel. Especially when you're living with two drinkers, you can feel like Marilyn Munster (Given your age, you probably have NO CLUE who Marilyn Munster was from the TV show The Munsters, but she was the family misfit because she wasn't a monster).

Your anger will subside in direct proportion to the efforts you make in reclaiming the life you want for yourself.... come back to these boards, and perhaps find a local Al-Anon group.
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Old 10-04-2010, 01:03 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

Your screen name, cherrybomb, reminds me of the Joan Jett song of the same name.

You have found a wonderful resource for information and support. Please keep reading and posting as much as needed.

There are some permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the forum. They contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom. This is a link from a sticky post and it contains steps that have helped some of us:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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Old 10-04-2010, 01:20 PM
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I was thinking John Cougar Mellencamp?!
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Old 10-04-2010, 01:20 PM
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I think when we love someone, we overlook a lot. Even huge red flags. We fall in love with a fantasy in part or the idea that we can change a person. It doesn't happen that way, esp with an alcoholic.

All I can say is, if she has been drinking the entire relationship, do you know the real her without the alcohol? Sounds like you have insight already into what this is doing to your life. That is always a hopeful sign to me
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Old 10-04-2010, 01:52 PM
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Thank You all so much for your thoughts, this seems like just what I was looking for.
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Old 10-04-2010, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by cayceemae View Post
welcome! im pretty new here to but this is a wonderful group of people who have opened my eyes wide. read through the stickies and others posts.
One of the mantras on here is something i find very helpful
I did not CAUSE this
I can not CONTROL this
I can not CURE this.
I like this saying, I think is one that will for sure stick with me from now on.
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Old 10-04-2010, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Babyblue View Post
I think when we love someone, we overlook a lot. Even huge red flags. We fall in love with a fantasy in part or the idea that we can change a person. It doesn't happen that way, esp with an alcoholic.

All I can say is, if she has been drinking the entire relationship, do you know the real her without the alcohol? Sounds like you have insight already into what this is doing to your life. That is always a hopeful sign to me
Or, because we love them, we believe what they say - and ignore that their actions don't match what they said.

We want to believe them, why would a loved one lie to us repeatedly? Deliberately hurt us? Steal from us? Destroy our belongings?

They wouldn't, and any who do aren't really "loved ones".
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Old 10-05-2010, 08:38 AM
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Reading through some of the stuff on this site really has knocked the wind out of me, brought me to tears and sounded so familiar to me and everything I have seen and felt for the last 2 years. ...
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Old 10-05-2010, 09:58 PM
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yeah know what you mean - first day on here, i read through so much and bawled my eyes out.
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