kia

ive removed him from msn and skype finally was hard but its done now no going back i dunno how hard this will be but cant be any harder than what im going or was going threw with him he kept telling me all about his sex with her and delighted in it in upsetting me so i made a decision to delete him even then he sends me a message asking me am i sure i wouldnt of deleted him if i wasnt hes said he will respect my wishes well that will the first time hes ever done that since we met i cant block him as yet cos ive gotta make arrangements to fetch my things but at least i cant contact him again and i cant see him online either i dunno right now whether its the right thing or wrong thing but its done now and i wont undo it again

freebuthurting

I think going NC is overdue with this situation Kia but you have to do things in your own time and when you are ready.
One day at a time.
x

kia

yep cos couldnt carry on like that was on edge all the time least now i just feel sad and can cope better with what i gotta do with my dog tomorrow the next few weeks will be tough though but no worse than things were anyhow

Tally

Baby steps remember? You're doing great. *hugs*

kia

why doesnt it feel like it then feels like that was one big step mind u im not tempted to put him back on like i was two weeks ago so suppose thats an improvement cos really by putting him back on nothing changed it was just his chance to keep involving me in all his dramas and boost his eog i even begged him to take me back one day last week feel so stupid now cos he all but laughed in my face made his day two women fighting over him played right into his hands this however was not in his plan this is now my plan for my life so page one of new start i might have to re read several pages but i will finish this book is that prob a little deep

freebuthurting

That was quite a big step - now its baby steps again regarding your recovery.

I can't help saying it though Kia - he sounds such a monumental jerk!

kia

and even as i was doing it he said are u sure u want to do this that u wont regret it afterwards controlling to the end eh and if i do regret its got nowt to do with him anyway is it

JenT1968

When I look back on the changes I made when I first got here, they seem little to me now, but at the time, they were huge, and they were the hardest ones too, because they were so different to how I was used to doing things.

I think that blocking him will turn out to be a positive step: talking to you about sex with another woman, is such a low, creepy, classless thing to do, I hope this brings you some peace and space to breathe kia.

last week doesn't matter, who cares what he thinks? what matters is you, right here and now.

(((hugs)))

kia

thanks jen yes isnt it just its just so low i think maybe in his deluded brain he wanted me to get rid of him to make me angry enough so he wouldnt have to feel guilty anymore looking at me on there but im not sure he quite thought it threw as i was also the one he constantly turned to when things went wrong but thats his problem now as i told him before i took him off your on your own now

freebuthurting

Best to not try and speculate why he does or says anything. The guy is not only a monumental jerk - but also an addict. His thought processes are unlikely to be rational.

kia

yep its true and i could send myself insane trying to work it all out cos i was starting to go that way

kia

well hes tried to contact me i did send a sharp message back saying leave me alone he said ppl make decisions and they are sometimes the wrong ones make sure u arent making the wrong one tsk i answered im not the one whos made the wrong decision im happy with my choice so leave me alone but it never sent dunno why so would be interested to know how everyone else would proceed with this now maybe its as well it didnt send as its him triggering me again isnt it a friend says i should just answer him with the same message over and over till he gives up but i know him better and know he wont give up that easy i know what the obvious answer is of course to block him not sure im ready to take that huge step yet though cos its two much for me too big a step so any advice will be appreciated got my next meeting tomorrow too so hopefully they can advise me too

wanting

I think you will look back on this and be amazed that you ever thought this was the wrong decision. HE WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT THE SEX HE HAD WITH THE PERSON HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH. That's emotional abuse. I mean, cheating on you is abuse, but delighting in telling you all about it is just sick.

I know you feel like you're only making small steps, but NC will probably jumpstart your healing. When you're still in contact with someone abusive to you, it's always one step forward two steps back.

kia

well i did take him off this morning which for me was a huge step forward just couldnt do the blocking just yet and last time we had a major bust like this and he forced me to delete him he never even tried once to contact me so does this mean the addiction is worse now cos i cant actually contact him now but he can me for now id have to block him to stop it altogether but thats another huge step for me

freebuthurting

I think it might be best if you took that step. Constant abuse is going to delay your healing and you should not have to deal with it chick.

kia

u could be right another one saying why have i put on msn im single now and loving it and i hadnt written that seems hes not happy that ive took him off never had to block him before but theres a first for everything will tell u if theres anything more thanks free x

Live

hearing from him and his spewing his garbage at you just makes you feel badly about everything, doesn't it?
I think he is going to be nasty to someone most of the time, but it doesn't have to be you.

kia

i think im in love with the person i want him to be but the reality is he isnt that person now and maybe will never be and hes with some nutjob anyhow i think get tomorrow out the way with the dog and my meeting and i will be able to take that next big step cos your right im more relaxed when i dont hear from him i think i just keep expecting him to be that nice person that is in there somewhere but the drink persons took over and hes nasty and loves it and i cant poss even talk to that person so hard all of this though isnt it

freebuthurting

The person you love isn't really there any more.
Grieve him, recover, and think about a happier life for you.

Mair

Having no contact was the hardest part for me. But i did it and in time it got easier, i could feel the stress leaving my body, its so scary how they can affect you mentally and physcically. Once i took my rose tinted glasses off, i saw who he really was and not who i wanted him to be.

Keep strong and keep reading

Mair x