I'm separating!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I'm separating!
Good to connect, if only through cyberspace, with y'all again.
My season is almost done in the park I am at.
A few weeks ago, a good friend offered me a permanent mgt. position (in my field) here in the park.
I had one last 5 day backpack with my husband to hash out what was next.
On the hike, at one point, he got more and more righteous. "YOU ruined my life! I wasn't doing ANYTHING! I would do anything for you!" Finally, he said, "You even asked me to quit drinking and I did!"
(Holy smokes, but I NEVER asked him to quit! He offered first to cut down, then to quit and both times I said, "That's not IT." I didn't want to boss him around. I wanted to discuss addictive and dishonest behavior.)
I said, "Do you remember when YOU said you'd quit and then kept drinking?"
Well, it was a moment like in Monty Python's Life of Brian when the villager says of the supposed witch (with a carrot they tied to her nose to look witchy), "She turned me into a newt!" and everyone looks incredulously at him because he is fully human. Then he absurdly replies, "Well...I got better!"
My husband's reply? He says, "I cut back!"
Ahh, yes. The circular logic of A's.
So, I took the job.
I have Nov. off to go home and sort stuff.
He says he is willing to do some work with self development books and discuss with me once a week, which I am up for in theory, but we will see if it will pan out in practice.
Nonetheless, I am moving forward. Trying to communicate in love with boundaries.
Thought I'd share.
Oh, hey! Some GREAT books I am reading this summer:
Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford
Breaking Free by Pia Melody
Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You by Jordan and Margaret Paul
Peace
My season is almost done in the park I am at.
A few weeks ago, a good friend offered me a permanent mgt. position (in my field) here in the park.
I had one last 5 day backpack with my husband to hash out what was next.
On the hike, at one point, he got more and more righteous. "YOU ruined my life! I wasn't doing ANYTHING! I would do anything for you!" Finally, he said, "You even asked me to quit drinking and I did!"
(Holy smokes, but I NEVER asked him to quit! He offered first to cut down, then to quit and both times I said, "That's not IT." I didn't want to boss him around. I wanted to discuss addictive and dishonest behavior.)
I said, "Do you remember when YOU said you'd quit and then kept drinking?"
Well, it was a moment like in Monty Python's Life of Brian when the villager says of the supposed witch (with a carrot they tied to her nose to look witchy), "She turned me into a newt!" and everyone looks incredulously at him because he is fully human. Then he absurdly replies, "Well...I got better!"
My husband's reply? He says, "I cut back!"
Ahh, yes. The circular logic of A's.
So, I took the job.
I have Nov. off to go home and sort stuff.
He says he is willing to do some work with self development books and discuss with me once a week, which I am up for in theory, but we will see if it will pan out in practice.
Nonetheless, I am moving forward. Trying to communicate in love with boundaries.
Thought I'd share.
Oh, hey! Some GREAT books I am reading this summer:
Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford
Breaking Free by Pia Melody
Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You by Jordan and Margaret Paul
Peace
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Congratulations on the new job! I remembering you posting that getting a job there that wasn't seasonal was very, very diffuclt. Well done you!
Guess your HP has given you the chance to live the life you need and want. Hang in there, you are doing really well.
:ghug3
Guess your HP has given you the chance to live the life you need and want. Hang in there, you are doing really well.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Congratulations on both your new job and in your new you.
My grandson-in-law, is a park ranger here in North Queensland, and loves his job to bits.
To be honest, there have been times when I wondered if I had strayed onto a Monty Python, Keystone Cops or Fawlty Towers film set, because being with the A was really that weird.
Wish you all you wish for yourself.
My grandson-in-law, is a park ranger here in North Queensland, and loves his job to bits.
To be honest, there have been times when I wondered if I had strayed onto a Monty Python, Keystone Cops or Fawlty Towers film set, because being with the A was really that weird.
Wish you all you wish for yourself.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
CONGRATS!!!!!!! On the great decision and the new job.
You said when you took the park ranger job for the summer, that you would use the time to 'decide' your next move. Looks like you did exactly what you said you would do.
Please keep posting on your progress, as your ES&H is so vital to these forums!!!!!!!
With all my years, on both sides of the street, I am in AWE of you!
Love and hugs,
You said when you took the park ranger job for the summer, that you would use the time to 'decide' your next move. Looks like you did exactly what you said you would do.
Please keep posting on your progress, as your ES&H is so vital to these forums!!!!!!!
With all my years, on both sides of the street, I am in AWE of you!
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Thanks, y'all! I am moving forward (in HUGE part!) due to you all!MY work, at this point, is to act in love, regardless of where my AH is at. It IS work. Currently, he does a lot of deciding the reason why I do the things I do (ie. I don't love him, I'm being cruel, I'm running away, etc.) My previous response has been to argue, "No! I DO love you, I did x, y and z because..." which has led down the rabbit hole.
My mom was just coaching me today that I need to learn how to say gently but firmly, "I disagree" then just be quiet. Then he can do whatever he does. That just becuase he thinks I am mean or cruel or whatever, I can ALLOW him to think he KNOWS that about me and I don't have to change his mind. (What work!!)
I AM a good person! I AM a good person!
LOL! It is for me to know and believe, not him.
This will probably be lifetime work, but I am doing it.
I am working on how I can run away.
I am working on how I get scared/mad/sad/frustrated and shut down.
I am working on how I want to fix.
I am working on my loneliness and learning it too, shall pass.
And more.
Its good work.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
That is so cool about the full-time position. Things are falling into place for you because you are allowing them to. Funny how that works. When we stop resisting our circumstances and accept them, they improve.
Also, can I just say that you are the epitome of "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." I'm in awe.
L
Also, can I just say that you are the epitome of "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." I'm in awe.
L
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Auburn, California
Posts: 3
We're twins seperated at birth!
Hi there--I was touched by your post. It's not easy living a lie. How long have you been married? I see that you work in State Parks? Me too. Let me know which one. I too, went backpacking with my husband(soon after he drank after 24 years of sobriety!) I'm sure you know you can't contort yourself any longer to become whatever it is he thinks he needs. The whole relationship gets fuzzy and out of contrast. You are very brave and I'm sure the decisions you have made are not easy ones. I don't know what I am going to do. But I've followed God this far(I'm sober 27 years) and He will continue to be my 'refuge and my strength'. I took a vow for better and for worse...a day at a time..
Thank You!
Thank You!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Thanks LTD!
Freeindeed, I'm in the National Parks. Thanks for the encouragement. I am glad you have found strength in God. As Do I Have to Give Up Me says, they say your HP can be you Higher Self. That's where I am at and I find great strength in that when I remember to stop trying to control and trust the universe and my own wisdom to do what is best.
I've been married 3 years and together for 8. Feel free to click on my name to get the story from the start.
The job is not for the Park Service, but the concession, so it is not THE dream job, but it is a good job, working with a friend, in an amazing place with lots of great folks all around. It is a chance to see this place in winter. It is stable. It will be a learning opportunity. It is a lot of forward thinking, planning, scheduling, payroll stuff...all the admin stuff to make the department run. Then there is hiring, training, and supervising staff, project management, etc., so there is a lot to do. I can get sketchy on details, but I HAVE to keep it straight at this job, so I am looking at it as an opportunity to grow!
Hugs
Peace
Freeindeed, I'm in the National Parks. Thanks for the encouragement. I am glad you have found strength in God. As Do I Have to Give Up Me says, they say your HP can be you Higher Self. That's where I am at and I find great strength in that when I remember to stop trying to control and trust the universe and my own wisdom to do what is best.
I've been married 3 years and together for 8. Feel free to click on my name to get the story from the start.
The job is not for the Park Service, but the concession, so it is not THE dream job, but it is a good job, working with a friend, in an amazing place with lots of great folks all around. It is a chance to see this place in winter. It is stable. It will be a learning opportunity. It is a lot of forward thinking, planning, scheduling, payroll stuff...all the admin stuff to make the department run. Then there is hiring, training, and supervising staff, project management, etc., so there is a lot to do. I can get sketchy on details, but I HAVE to keep it straight at this job, so I am looking at it as an opportunity to grow!
Hugs
Peace
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