Blogs


Notices

Well, THAT was a weird experience

Old 10-02-2010, 09:33 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
A work in progress
Thread Starter
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, THAT was a weird experience

My phone just rang, and the voice on the other end said, "This is [Joe]." I said, "Joe...?" "Joe [Smith]." It was the 22 y/o son of my last ex (who wasn't an alcoholic, but was a compulsive liar and emotionally manipulative/abusive). My ex had a lot of health problems, and I was kinda bracing myself for the news that he had died or something.

I last heard from the ex himself in a nasty phone message where he was unhappy with the amount of money he got for his share of the property we owned together--a property division he had agreed to, BTW. I had broken up with him back in 2005 (though we dated briefly later that year) but I haven't heard a peep from him since 2006. He had two teenaged kids, whom I hadn't seen since we split up. After the nasty phone message I told him I didn't want to hear from him unless it was through my lawyer. He sent one letter to my lawyer "demanding" more money, which she politely refused and we haven't heard a thing from him since. It's been quite peaceful that way.

Anyway, it turns out the son (now 22) got himself into a minor legal scrape (accused of DV, though it sounds as if he is the one who was attacked, he has witnesses, and the kid was never prone to lying). He called me because he wasn't sure what to do or how to proceed. He knew I couldn't give him legal advice, but I talked it through with him, told him to get a lawyer (he's got a lot to lose with even a minor DV conviction on his record). Assuming he's telling me the truth, he should be OK. We chatted a bit afterward, and he asked how I was doing. I was as vague as possible, told him I was doing fine, told him my kids (with whom he spent a few vacations) were doing good, he told me how his sister was doing. I didn't ask about his dad, and he didn't volunteer any information.

So I'm pretty pleased with how I handled it, but lemme tell ya, it took a few minutes for my heart to slow down once I realized who was on the phone.

So weird that just a minor reminder like that can get our emotions going.

I just needed to share this with somebody.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
bookwyrm (10-02-2010), Carol Star (10-05-2010), coyote21 (10-02-2010), Impurrfect (10-02-2010), Jadmack25 (10-02-2010), Learn2Live (10-02-2010), Leise (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010), LovesToTravel (10-02-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 09:53 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Sorry that happened. I hope the kid straightens up; that's nice that he remembered you as someone solid, who could give him sound advice.

I hope you're doing okay...
akrasia is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to akrasia For This Useful Post:
LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 10:06 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A work in progress
Thread Starter
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, yeah, but he also knows I'm a lawyer who practiced in the DV field for a long time. So I think it was that, rather than my simply being a "solid person," though I went through a few crises between him and his dad, and I think he knows I'm someone he can trust, as well. He wouldn't have called me if he didn't think I would try to steer him in the right direction.

He spoke with the officer who responded after he'd left, he plans to contact his recruiter on Monday (he's trying to get into the service), and as I said, he's generally the kind of person who is honest about his part in things. Doesn't sound to me like he was the aggressor, and it was a matter of pushing someone away who was attacking him. Believe me, I have a sensitive BS detector, and it wasn't going off.

Hopefully it gets straightened out--I've always liked this kid, who seems to be growing up to be a responsible person.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
fourmaggie (10-03-2010), Impurrfect (10-02-2010), Jadmack25 (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 10:31 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Occasional poor taste poster
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
It's cool that he feels he can still call you and get good advice. You must have left a positive impression on him that maybe you didn't realize or give yourself credit for? I see my ex step children a couple times a year and they speak as though the "Brady Bunch" years were the best of their childhood memories. Too bad cuz it wasn't all THAT great!
Jazzman is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Jazzman For This Useful Post:
coyote21 (10-02-2010), fourmaggie (10-03-2010), Jadmack25 (10-02-2010), LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 10:57 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Blog Entries: 5
So I'm pretty pleased with how I handled it, but lemme tell ya, it took a few minutes for my heart to slow down once I realized who was on the phone.

So weird that just a minor reminder like that can get our emotions going.
I so know what you mean here LexieCat. I've just seen friends of friends on FB who I have prior history with and I get all shook up. That's actually been happening to me a lot lately. My dr actually mentioned to me that I might have PTSD and I am starting to believe it Glad you were able to handle it OK.
Learn2Live is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Learn2Live For This Useful Post:
LexieCat (10-02-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 11:14 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Being Silent so I can Hear
 
Still Waters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Yes, PTSD, I was thinking the exact same thing.

Or hey, you might be an adrenaline junky! :rotfxko
Still Waters is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Still Waters For This Useful Post:
Learn2Live (10-02-2010), LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010), TakingCharge999 (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 12:42 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
A work in progress
Thread Starter
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
Or hey, you might be an adrenaline junky! :rotfxko
LOL,

Hey, I was just pleased I didn't have the impulse to go out to a bar and pick up some other damaged soul.

The good news is that the racing pulse doesn't give me the urge to go back to living that way.

I remember once, years ago, I saw someone I THOUGHT was my second husband in the lobby of my building. I ducked to avoid him, turned out it wasn't him (I think he'd moved across the country, but at one time, dropping in for a "surprise" visit isn't something I would have put past him), but it took a good several hours for my "fight or flight" response to come down. And he was a harmless drunk (at least, once I was gone and he wasn't bleeding me dry anymore). It was the thought of having to be in his company that got my adrenaline up.

Of course, my own alcoholism (which began around the time I was living with the guy whose son just called me, and ramped up after we split up) brought its own drama with it. I still have a bit of an addiction to crisis-mode living (which the results of my own procrastination can feed), but I can't say I enjoy it, and I'm working on loving peace in my life. Still, the pull of the familiar, like it or not, can be powerful.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
coyote21 (10-03-2010), fourmaggie (10-03-2010), Impurrfect (10-02-2010), Jadmack25 (10-02-2010), Learn2Live (10-03-2010), Leise (10-03-2010), Live (10-04-2010), Still Waters (10-02-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 12:51 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,783
Lexiecat: time to breathe and be gentle with yourself.

Triggers suck and sometimes I can let them go fairly easily, sometimes I go crazy missing what was, feeling my hurt and being miserable. And yes, I want to interact with a few people in FB but am all triggered about comments or pics I might find. So/better steer clear, at least until I'm stronger.

I try to think "it is all in the past, I am safe NOW" that kind of helps... I totally agree that the racing heart WITHOUT the desperate need to go back to all that, is a step forward. Ah, the old familiar- I think its great when we realize its there and its familiar but its NOT what we really want... you are doing a great job!!! you are observing yourself.
TakingCharge999 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to TakingCharge999 For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (10-02-2010), Learn2Live (10-03-2010), LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 01:01 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Being Silent so I can Hear
 
Still Waters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I get triggered also. Could be mail from the AH, or from his attorney. Could be an email from someone who knows us both.

I can tell you emphatically that I do NOT ever intend to go back to that way of living, I do NOT miss living in that insanity, and I've not ever missed it at all.

So, for me it's definitely a PTSD type thing, from living with the stress for so long. Heck I still have the stress, dealing with the aftermath of marrying an abusive scumbag.

What I want from therapy is a way to detect abusive scumbags before they become MY abusive scumbag. Though he was my first, so maybe I'll spot them now, dunno.
Still Waters is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Still Waters For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (10-02-2010), Jadmack25 (10-02-2010), Learn2Live (10-03-2010), LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010)
Old 10-02-2010, 06:39 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 14
Blog Entries: 1
Haha, cool sounds interesting, trust me I've been there, just not in the same situation
JesusSaves is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to JesusSaves For This Useful Post:
Impurrfect (10-02-2010), LexieCat (10-02-2010), Live (10-04-2010)
Old 10-03-2010, 09:32 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
 
fourmaggie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
Originally Posted by Still Waters View Post
Or hey, you might be an adrenaline junky! :rotfxko

proves to me I am alive in that rush and I am feeling SOMETHING....!! hehe
fourmaggie is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to fourmaggie For This Useful Post:
SabrinaQ (06-07-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:59 AM.