rdy4change

Good afternoon SR friends.

I recieved a call on Sunday that my STBX is in ICU. He got a dwi, went to detox and then we're guessing the meds they gave him in detox weren't enough. Supposedly he was experiencing hallucinations and they couldn't control him there.

So, since 3:00 a.m. on Sunday he's been in ICU. They're starting to wean him from the adderall. He said his mom and sister's name yesterday which seemed to be a good sign but then got a fever...they kept having to get fluid out of his lungs and they thought he might have vomited. Today his liver is releasing toxins and they are questioning brain damage although they won't know anything until he actually is able to communicate.

Have any of you had any experience with this and a loved one? I'm curious as to what to expect. The nurse says this is typical for an alcoholic. I totally get the issue with his liver but brain damage? They don't think he had a siezure. I just feel like I'm missing some information here.

I have not gone to see him and struggle with that piece. I've made significant progress moving on and part of me says to 'ignore it' and let his family deal with it. We have a Power of Attorney associated with our will and I said that I was unwilling to be his Agent so that his mom & brother could make all the decisions. But, he still is the father of my child and we were together for 20 years. I care and want him to be OK. The past few days have been a tug-of-war of emotions. His sister asked me to not go because they're trying to keep him calm but I don't know if it's just her trying to control the situation. STBX and I have not spoken in over 2 months so I am respecting her wishes at this point until I can figure out what may be best.

Looking for comments and advice on both pieces I guess. Thanks everyone!

nodaybut2day

I haven't been in your shoes (and *HUGS* for dealing with this), but IMO, I think your decision to stay away is a sound one. You've been asked to stay away; he's currently in the best place for his medical state. Seems like a wait and see situation to me.

Pelican

((((W))))

I'm sorry about what is happening. I hope that he gets the help he needs.

I do not have personal experience with an addicted spouse in ICU. Just wanted to send you some support and cyber hugs.

I do know what happened to my mother concerning my dad's medical bills from cancer and hospitilization. As surviving spouse, she got the debt.

I know your divorce is in process. Have you checked in with your attorney about this latest development?

akrasia

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you're doing the most caring and wise thing.

kelsh

Hi ReadyforChange,


From what I learned while working at Mental Health & with &my own parents, it would benefit you the best to get the divorce as soon as it is possible. If you are still married you will most likely be responsible for all bills not covered by Insurance if he has some outstanding bills.

So sorry you have to deal with this & his family too. Our son had a failed suicide attempt & is a quadriplegic now living in an Adult Family Home for Special Needs. He is 40 years old now & came home from four years in the Navy with a big alcohol problem that continued to get worse.

He had been divorced from his first wife & remarried to a gal for one year. They got a divorce (friendly) & had no children. He had two sons with his first wife.

After he was released from the VA Hospital's Spinal Cord Unit, he got to come back home to live...we found him a house with an open kitchen/livingroom. It was a good situation with caregivers coming three times a day. But two years ago the VA would not provide care at home because he needed 24 hour care. The State of WA, The VA, & Social Security all pay for his care, medical needs, & medical supplies.

This has been very hard for us. It is almost like not having a son. He is not a talker on the phone, nor does he like to do small talk so a 100+ mile drive to see him is hard unless we have other needs in the bigger town.

I have been in Recovery for Alcohol & my son and I have been really close through the years. He always bragged about his Mom being Sober when he was drinking.

It sounds like your ex is in very serious trouble with his alcohol use. The body can only take so much before it starts breaking down-my Brother has had two heart attacks trying to detox & won't stay in the hospital so leaves against the Doc's Advice. :rotfxko

I know this must be very hard for you. You do need some advice from a Social Worker or especially a lawyer to see what you need to do so you don't end up with all of his unpaid medical bills. Every State has different laws regarding divorce & spousal responsibilites.

I feel so sad for you & your children..we never know what will come to us next & wonder how we will get through another hard time of feeling helpless.

kelsh

naive

hi rdy4chnge-

i think that brain damage can occur from vitamin B and thiamine defieciency in the alcoholic from lack of nutrition, as many don't eat for long periods if they are binging.

here's a recent SR post on this
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html

as for whether to visit him or not, that's a tough one. i suppose if it was myself, i would remind myself to consider myself and what i could handle. like alcoholics, we have to protect our recovery too.

naive

LexieCat

When my second husband went into the hospital with pneumonia, he experience acute alcohol withdrawal. He hallucinated, became violent, and had to be put into restraints. His liver and kidneys shut down, and he went into a coma for a week, hovering between life and death. I was told IF he lived he would need a liver transplant.

When he came out of the coma he was suffering from hepatic encephalopathy. That is from the ammonia in the blood rising because of the liver failure. It made him confused, like an alzheimer's patient. He developed ascites (fluid on the abdomen) from the liver failure, and had to have 40 quarts drained off (he looked like he was pregnant).

Eventually he recovered, and when they finally did the liver biopsy he had EARLY cirrhosis. If he quit drinking for good he could live a normal, healthy life. Sadly, months later he went back to drinking and I could not bear to go through it again, so I left him.

The "brain damage" MAY be temporary, due to encephalopathy. Sometimes, though, there is permanent damage.

It is terrifying to experience--for both partners. It was a few months before he was "right" mentally.

Jadmack25

My XAH developed alcohol induced dementia, but continued drinking, even when in a nursing home. He finally fell from his scooter, broke his hip and that was the start of 2 years of misery for him.

I would also counsel getting the divorce sorted ASAP, and changing your will also, certainly removing the power of attorney part.

Will keep you all in my prayers.