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Old 09-28-2010, 07:43 AM
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Need

There's a question ringing in my head today:

"When, if ever, is it OK to need something from someone else?"

Thoughts?
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Old 09-28-2010, 07:50 AM
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When you can't do something for yourself. Definitely OK. A need means it's "necessary", and that's different than a want. We all have needs that we can't meet on our own. The key is learning to recognize what we can and cannot do for ourselves.
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:36 PM
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Several years ago I took a bad fall, broke my knee in two places. Couldn't drive for several weeks, I needed someone to drive me around. As soon as I could drive I was back behind the wheel. I didn't want to be driven around, however, I needed someone to help me for a brief period of time.
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Old 09-29-2010, 02:39 AM
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I really feel uncomfortable when needing something from someone, I think that is one of my biggest codie or ACOA issues (I don't remember which, too many of them ).

So I'm trying to work on it. Now days I recognize it is OK to ask for someone's help if you can't do something your self, but still I have problem doing it, sometimes I do it, and than I spend hours thanking that person.
But, I'm working on it, and hopefully one day I'll master it.
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Old 09-29-2010, 02:52 AM
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For me it depends who you need it from. Most people like to feel needed and do not mind to help you when you are stuck.

I have learnt not to ask for anything I might need from a controlling person, as they tend to make you beg and then hold it over you at every opportunity,

So yes i think it is ok to need something off someone we all do from time to time but make sure you pick who you ask.

Hope all that makes sense.

suzie x
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Old 09-29-2010, 01:15 PM
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Need isn't a bad word, isnt a sign of codependency. We need others to treat us well, we need love and understanding. It isn't a sign of weakness.

My largest issue with the codependency statements sometimes are that people confuse legitimate human feelings, (love, confusion, sadness) as being somehow toxic. They are not. It is how you put those feelings into place that can be damaging.

FEELINGS ARE OK PEOPLE!
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Old 09-29-2010, 01:21 PM
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I think we all have things we need from other people: friendship, respect, trust, love... How we approach getting those needs met, and as Suzie12 points out, who we look to to have those needs met, make a big difference in whether the needs are healthy or not.

Example: Continuing to expect abusive STXAH to respect and love me was incredibly unhealthy for me. Looking to my sisters, brother, mom and dad for respect and love is healthy.
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