missb89

I used to party a lot. Ages 15-19 the hardest. I am growing up, they aren't. I love them all dearly, but I cannot go out to the bar except maybe once a month, so I do not see but a few of them, mainly my girlfriends who do drink a lot but have no problem also sitting around and watching movies with me or going for walks and talking. Not complete raging alcoholics yet.

I just found out tonight that a dear, but troubled friend, has died as a result of a heroin overdose. I am very upset, but cannot say that I didn't see it coming. He was in and out of jail, rehab. He would always call me from half-way houses and we would talk for hours about his goals to be better. Some part of him, wanted deep inside, to live a better life. But he never did for long. It's unfortunate because his mistrust of women he said started when his mother died of, yes, a heroin overdose when he was younger. How unfortunate that he had to go out the same way.

I am in so much shock and do not know how to process the information right now. But I know I need new friends, the pain that comes with this group of people is unbearable. It is just so hard because I do care about each and every one of them and have been friends with them for 10 years. If I let all of them go, I have but one friend left. I am already very lonely, but I cannot imagine not talking to them. I don't know exactly what the point of this post is except to vent I am very confused and feel kind of like I'm just floating around.

suki44883

It has been said that if you can count your TRUE friends on one hand at the end of your life, you are very lucky. Many times, we think people are our friends when really all they are, are party buddies. Maybe, having that one true friend is what is best. You will make new friends, but the most important thing is to guard your sobriety.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. People will come and go in your life, but staying true to yourself is the most important thing. As you get older, you will realize how very true those words are.

bookwyrm

I'm so sorry you lost a friend to heroin. Please take good care of yourself.

HealingWillCome

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. (Can't remember who first said that, but it is so very true.)

Life as you knew it no longer exists. You have a beautiful baby to care for and a beautiful life to look forward to. It's all up to you to put things into motion, and you can do it! You can pray for your friends and give them to God, and then ask God to send new friends into your life. Friends who are healthy and good for you and your child.

Are there some places you can go during the day to escape your house and your dad where you can meet new friends? Can you do some volunteering? Go for walks or hang out at the park with your baby? Meet with other moms and their kids?

I'm sorry you lost your friend in such a horrible way. Please take care of yourself...and remember that you have friends here who care about you.

naive

hello missb-

i too am realizing that most of my friends are addicts. and it becomes more and more painful to watch the fallout from their poor life choices. i think being a compassionate, caring person, i want to help them. but i now know that i can not.

it's hard but try to take care of yourself. if you have only one real friend, then so beit. you will not die of loneliness!

try to take steps to meet new people. perhaps take a course at the local college, or sign up for something you've never done before...like guitar classes, swimming lessons, or volunteer in the local community garden...

put yourself out there and break the cycle.

theuncertainty

(((Missb89))), I'm sorry for your loss.

Summerpeach

I am not an addict and came from a good home, but I've always had friend who were. When I changed schools in 4th grade, I went into a new school and out of all the friends I picked, I picked the 3 most troubled.

Then as I got into high school, I made more friends with the troubled gang. I stayed friends with them all a long time, and about 5-6 yrs ago, I started to walk away from everyone. That was really hard, because we were all friends for 30 yrs.
Then I picked men who were troubled.

I'm in the process of making new and healthier friends.
With the help of Al Anon, therapy and my new step group, I am developing a zero tolerance policy to toxicity.

I get lonely at times, but the lonliness is forcing me to say yes to things I never did in the past.
I have many invites now and doing things I never did in the past.
I just came home from meeting a new friend for lunch. Something I would have never done in the past.
I'm DETERMINED to shed my old self for a new and happier me :-)

Angelic17

Missb, I went through the same thing as you. After many years of hanging out with friends that smoked weed, and used pain killers, I thought that they were my good friends. Turns out that when I stopped using weed and drugs, I realized that I didn't have much in common with them. I also realized that they didn't respect my sobriety. One friend kept putting his pain pills in my face when I was already off of them for almost a year. I was still very vulnerable and even though I asked him not to talk to me about his pills, he would still show me big bottles of vicodins and percocettes.

I didn't want to end my friendship with this person, because we had been very close friends for many years. So I thought I could still be his friend. Long story short. The relationship fell apart. We haven't bothered with each other in a few years now. I still miss him and his family because I loved them all, but it's time to move forward. I am still drug free 5 yrs and 4 months later. I ran into him in a neighborhood coffee shop and he was a mess. Smelled of alcohol, totally unkept appearance. His car was crashed up, and we spoke for a few minutes, and I told him I didn't smoke weed or use pain meds any more, and he said. What a shame. That was the last time I saw or spoke to him.

Be happy. You have a beautiful baby. Make friends with other young mom's that have babies. Spend time with your baby. Do nice things. Nothing good ever comes out of drugs and alcohol. Don't think you need this type of a friendship, because you really don't. Enjoy that beautiful baby. She is a gift from GOD.

missb89

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me, as I am still in shock and feel very isolated. I do realize that I need new friends, but my social anxiety, and the fact that I feel that because I did used to use drugs, have tattoos, and am not the conventional perfect new mom because of such, that I won't fit in with the "straight" people if you get what I'm saying. I know this is probably narrowminded and I am not venturing out into the real world because of fear, and it's definitely something I am going to have to get past. I have to reconstruct some self esteem, realize that I am not a tainted human being, and forgive myself before I can go out there with arms open and accept new worthwhile people into my life.

wicked

Wow, MissB89, I was like this too, my only reasoning was that no one would understand me. I wish I could hang out with you and your baby so I could make her laugh. Yep, I wanna hear hear laugh out loud. When my kids laugh, it makes me feel great.

Missb89, you are way ahead of the learning curve, knowing what to need to do.
You are a wonderful human being with a fantastic baby, and your future is so bright, I gotta wear shades.
Best Wishes on your journey to self-discovery and a new life.

Beth

PS
Would you wanna hang out with a recovering alcoholic with a major depressive order (being treated successfully)? I could be one of those straights you talk about. People assume I am. <evil laugh>

HealingWillCome

You might be surprised at how many "straights" have their own junk. We all do. Ain't no such thing as a "conventional new perfect mom."

What you're doing for your daughter by learning to take care of yourself first, is the absolute best thing you can do for her! You're on the right track.

missb89

Thank you guys, and wicked, I would love to hang out with you. I'm sure I come off as pretty normal to the naked eye, but so far from it. And I swear, babies laughter is the BEST medicine, and I cannot get enough gummy smiles!

Angelic17

MissB, Tattoos, and using drugs in the past, does not make you any less beautiful, or lovable than anyone else. Don't be so hard on yourself. You must be very attractive because that baby is just gorgeous. I want to play with her, and give her a kiss. I could be her new Auntie Angel. LOL. Besides, just about everyone in the younger generation has tattoos, and have used drugs at one time or another. Your not such a bad person. So lighten up on yourself. You will make some good friends. Right now, you have that baby to love. That is the best gift you will ever have in your life. Enjoy her. I would imagine that she keeps you very busy. That doesn't leave alot of time for other things. And hey, if your really bored and lonely, pop on to SR and hang out with us. I'm here almost all of the time.

missb89

Thank you for the sweet response! Oh yes, she does keep me very busy, but she is such a GOOD baby I am truly blessed. She sleeps in my room in her nap nanny and every morning when I wake up I rise out of bed she is awake and flashes me the hugest smile, makes my whole day!

nodaybut2day

stop! oh stop before you make me want to have another baby!

Angelic17

I want to play with that beautiful baby. I'm so jealous. I would dress her so cute, and just love her up. My baby is 29 and a boy. LOL. I love babies when they are little like that. They are so adorable. And she looks like a good baby. Count your blessings. Take alot of pictures of her. She's going to grow up before you know it. Enjoy motherhood. It's funny cause when we are in our child bearing ages, we feel tied down and bored. And we want to be with adults. And have time for ourselves. I remember that.
Then when we get past our 40's we wish we had them little again. I just think it's weird the way the stages of life are.

divineangel1012

I can relate....my babies are now 16 and almost 18 (I know I don't look my age) and I would give anything to have a little one to look after. It's amazing what you don't do when you are responsible for others basic needs. I too have tattoos and stuff, everyone does these days. I can also relate to everyone I know being in the party scene. I would love to meet people to go out and do normal things with, who aren't sleeping off their hangovers or whatnot. You should look into mommy and me groups...

missb89

LOL well I'm sure you guys still love your BIG babies. I feel like I can't wait for her to be able to walk and talk and all that stuff but everyone says I am going to miss her being this little, and I believe it. I agree the stages of life are verrry strange.

Angelic17

I still Love MY BIG BABY, but there's something about a new born baby that's so beautiful. They are so lovable, and pure. It always fascinates me to see those 10 fingers and toes. I think they are little miracles. I adore babies. I can't wait until my son makes me a granny. LOL

wicked

I say more gummy smiles and baby belly laughs for everyone!
:ghug3