A good book and a first to detachment
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 181
A good book and a first to detachment
I found a book at the library today and read most of it already and it has helped me, When Someone you Love Drinks Too Much by William F. Kraft, PhD.
Also, last night and tonight my AH is out drinking and last night I did not take my cell phone to bed with me in case he gets picked up or put in the hospital. I don't plan to do it tonight either. I felt more in control of this awful situation than I ever have in the past, actually, I am controlling my situation, not his.......I did not go to his family's gathering tonight and I didn't apologize to them for not showing up. I let him do that. I was not going to let him take our son either because of obviously drinking and driving, but he didn't bother to make him go. And I don't feel bad about that! Yeah!!!!
I know I have a long way to go, but little victories are huge sometimes!
Also, last night and tonight my AH is out drinking and last night I did not take my cell phone to bed with me in case he gets picked up or put in the hospital. I don't plan to do it tonight either. I felt more in control of this awful situation than I ever have in the past, actually, I am controlling my situation, not his.......I did not go to his family's gathering tonight and I didn't apologize to them for not showing up. I let him do that. I was not going to let him take our son either because of obviously drinking and driving, but he didn't bother to make him go. And I don't feel bad about that! Yeah!!!!
I know I have a long way to go, but little victories are huge sometimes!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Oh, good for you! That is one magnificent Saturday evening.
Detachment reallt is the peace-giver. Realising that what the other person does is their business and what you do is yours becomes so clear. I never knew why I didn't see it before.
I've not read that book, but look forward to hearing more about it.
Detachment reallt is the peace-giver. Realising that what the other person does is their business and what you do is yours becomes so clear. I never knew why I didn't see it before.
I've not read that book, but look forward to hearing more about it.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
On your way to making big, lasting changes...you have to first start with making the small, seemingly insignificant ones first.
I speak from experience, because this is exactly what I did in order to get my life back from my XABF. I didn't wake up one morning and decide that I needed to end our relationship, move away and change my cel phone number.
No, I slowly came to making these big changes by doing the very same things you did last night. Each little step, each little victory gave me confidence to work harder, to do more.
Keep it up! You are so worth the effort!
I speak from experience, because this is exactly what I did in order to get my life back from my XABF. I didn't wake up one morning and decide that I needed to end our relationship, move away and change my cel phone number.
No, I slowly came to making these big changes by doing the very same things you did last night. Each little step, each little victory gave me confidence to work harder, to do more.
Keep it up! You are so worth the effort!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Thanks for the book recommendation. I did my detachment refresher last night by pulling out Byron Katie's Loving What Is, and she says that things are either my business, your business or God's business.
Seems like it would be an easy thing to figure out what belongs to whom, but it isn't. However, it's such great reinforcement to read things like "When I think 'You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,' I am in your business." Reminds me to stay out of it and concentrate on my own business. I feel like I've been too much in AH's business lately, and I need to cut it out.
But, Jackthedog, you sound like you are taking what you are learning and applying it! Congratulations on those victories!
Seems like it would be an easy thing to figure out what belongs to whom, but it isn't. However, it's such great reinforcement to read things like "When I think 'You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,' I am in your business." Reminds me to stay out of it and concentrate on my own business. I feel like I've been too much in AH's business lately, and I need to cut it out.
But, Jackthedog, you sound like you are taking what you are learning and applying it! Congratulations on those victories!
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