Leave it Beaver

Old 10-24-2003, 06:32 AM
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Leave it Beaver

The Beav was parolled this week to my home with the plan of going to a halfway house from here. I am going to post all of this here so you can all hold me accountable.

Me and my 10 years of Alanon can still be guilty of wishful thinking.

I picked him up at the bus stop in the evening and that evening was good. He ate, showered. was respectful (albeit a bit testy when the halfway house subject would come up). I did note that his gratitude was somewhat lacking.

Anyway, yesterday was day 2 and his parol officer checked in early, told the Beav what was expected of him and went on his way. Did you know that they don't test multiple DUI offenders for alcohol? Only drugs. Alcohol is legal donchaknow.

So the Beav calls a buddy who was part and party to his last car theft and DUI charges and decides to go to work for him. He is a man and a truck doing maintainance. Good!! He's working, right?? I question his choice but he assures me he's "cool".

This saga ends with the fact that the Beav did not come home last night and did not call. Big no-no around here.

It is a fact that he has to go. But how and when is what my mind is working over. Homelessness is a parol violation...not my problem, but still.

He will have 30 "good reason's" for not calling or coming home. Not my problem either...this is a Ward and June violation.

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Old 10-24-2003, 06:36 AM
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1)Stupid turd.

2)Shame on me.

3)How soon can he get into a halfway house?
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Old 10-24-2003, 06:43 AM
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That about says it!

Let me modify #3...How soon can he get out of my house?
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Old 10-24-2003, 06:49 AM
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You are absolutely right that it is not your problem. I think your signature with the quote from Jon says it all. I'll be praying that you get some serenity today. Focus on you that's all you can do.

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Old 10-24-2003, 06:51 AM
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Oh my goodness. Are you living in my closet or am I living in yours? The sameness is scary..and yet sad to boot. I have not laid eyes on my son since Monday afternoon when I took him to his last probation meeting and while there..paid the last of his fine. I know..I know...all I did was allow him to use me. He had been living with us because he had to stay in Dallas he doesnt have that to keep him around. He called yesterday and said that he was going to be at the house last night when I got home..not so. His girlfriend did her calling around and found out that his buddy had dropped him off at another "friends" house..the one that he did most of his drinking with. I feel very proud of myself though...she called and said she wanted me to go and get him...I told her no..WOW...where did that come from? He was less than five miles away and yet I didnt go and scoop up my little darlin...maybe momma is getting stronger.

I am so sorry that anyone else is having to go through this..I hope your son contacts you soon.
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Old 10-24-2003, 07:00 AM
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You're right, its not your problem. Halfway house sounds like a good plan. I do hate to see you having to go through this though.

Sending hugs and prayer,
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Old 10-24-2003, 07:07 AM
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We agreed to pay the first month of a halfway house very soon after his discharge. If he wants to take us up on that, fine. If not he is on his own. It is really very simple.

The funniest part of this whole thing is once again we have to make sure everything is locked up...on a daily basis. Our children are very crafty. I KNOW he unlocked a window around here somewhere!!
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Old 10-24-2003, 07:53 AM
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I remember having to hide money in a pair of shoes that I hadn't worn in ages. What a pain in the a$$! Always having to be one step ahead of an addict.

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Old 10-24-2003, 07:58 AM
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Wow, he didn't even make it two days before messing up...

Can we take bets on you lasting the weekend before kicking him out????

You have already called the halfway house to check on a bed, right????

I have no doubts you'll make it through this with flying colors, recovery intact.

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Old 10-24-2003, 08:01 AM
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Well, JT - I've been wonderin' how it was going. I think wishful thinking is a lot different from expectations, and you don't sound too surprised or bent out of shape. In fact, you sound like you're taking it all extremely well.

You're right, JT - it's not your problem, but that's easier said than done. So what's the story with getting into a halfway house? Is there a wait list?

Hugs and love!
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Old 10-24-2003, 09:26 AM
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It is what it is!!!
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I too have been wondering about the Beav.

Your are 100% right about the window thing...believe me I know from experience he left himself some way in, I sure as heck did.

And you are right - it is not your is his. And if he has already broken June and Wards rules, it most likely will not be long before he breaks parols rules. Sad to say, but true.

And I will say ditto to Smokes #1 - Stupid Turd!!!!
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Old 10-24-2003, 09:49 AM
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ditto to #1: How dare he do this to you...
there now you know something about me....upset my friends and you tick me off....I also know you can now go forward...

know you're not the only one with a "stupid turd "for a kid. JT and unless I miss the facts we'll not be the last either..

As for you....10 years in the PROGRAM! WOW! AWSOME! ATTA GIRL! You're doing great...probably better than you think you are...Feelings, we're mothers BUT that doesn't mean we can save our kids from themselves...You already know that....I just need to hear it over and over again as life keeps happening....
Loveand prayers, ~~A~~
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Old 10-24-2003, 11:01 AM
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Sounds like you are doing VERY WELL to me. I am sorry that you are having to go thru locking you home up tighter than a drum! I will pray for y'all that he does get in to a half way house and things go back to being closer to peaceful for you!

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Old 10-24-2003, 11:27 AM
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ughhhhh !
How many times do we go to hell and back in the name of love?
I know your strong, I believe you let go but, but .but there are
those ties that bind. Its so hard to hold fast to that serenity.
My daughter spent a few drunken days with me this week and
left after using me. Sober she is my daughter , drunk she is just that. I was going to send a letter of appology to her for my own rotten behavior, but that evening I saw that all my quarters from my cola bank were gone.
Today, I dont know if she went home (to husband) or where she is. It all just plain hurts. But, I'm living okay, theres just that
hurt and concern in the background of my mind. Sometimes it just
feels better being pissed off !
Sending Mom to Mom hugs to you JT.
I only have the 16 mths in alanon- someday I'll be stronger.
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Old 10-24-2003, 11:54 AM
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Dam kids!!! You know I'm with you on this JT, been there and done that, just like you, and sadly it just never works.

There isn't a better mom out there than you. You've done it all and you've done it right, keeping your recovery close to you as you make decisions. You made a good decision that was kind, compassionate and that had a plan for moving on quickly, so don't think that any of us would have done it any better.

Nevertheless, I'm sure that this has hurt you yet again, and that is what makes him a turd.

I know that you'll do the next right thing, and whatever you decide I'm with you all the way.

Big hugs to you and to Ward. You two are the best!!!

Hugs and prayers
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Old 10-24-2003, 01:48 PM
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I'll say one thing. These kids sure know how to take a beating and they just don't learn. They keep going back in for more. When will they say enough is enough. They are fearless. Just think what they could do if they used that strength in the right direction. Maybe one day.

I know you'll make the right decisions for your family. Hopefully he'll care enough about himself to keep himself out of prison. That's all we can do. It's up to him.

Old 10-24-2003, 02:06 PM
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Hugs JT

and two words "That sucks!". I'm sorry that there was no "epiphany" for the Beav while he was incarcerated. You have to be beyond tired of all this by now.
Sending you "June's pearls" and "June's chiffon apron". Life is so much better in Pleasantville.
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Old 10-24-2003, 04:12 PM
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Sorry this is happening. I have a thought--have you considered calling his PO? Not necessarily to turn him in, maybe just to 'feel him out' on 'possibilities'? Some POs are willing to work with the families to try to keep the kid from being revoked (even if they deserve it) and to give the kid a second shot.

Maybe make it a hypothetical, find out your options?

Good luck.
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Old 10-24-2003, 04:53 PM
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I've been wondering about how things were going as well. I'm really sorry it didn't turn out as we all would have hoped. Your strength of character always amazes me. You have the best program and I know you'll be OK but I'm going to say a little prayer for you tonight.

Sending hugs and lavender bath salt

Love ya JT

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Old 10-24-2003, 06:17 PM
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Don't you just wish sometimes that you could just pick up the house and move it somewhere else while they are gone??

Or maybe that big tornado would come and take you to Oz?

I have often felt like if I could just move this house to another location, when he came home I would not have to deal with this...

I can just see him weaving around, scratching his head...."I swear this is where my house was..."

I am hoping for the best for you right now JT...I haven't got much advice for you, I am still feeling pretty new at this, but I do sympathize. Best of Luck, I am sure you will make the right decision.


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