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Old 09-22-2010, 01:39 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Michelle and welcome to SR.

I'm sorry to hear the sadness in your words for the marriage you wish you had with your husband. That whole potential thing is a killer, isn't it?

Check out the sticky posts at the top of the forum as there is loads of information in there to keep you busy for a few days. Then maybe check out the al-anon meeting - the anon bit means that what goes on in the rooms stays in the rooms. As for ruining his practice if the information gets out, it is likely that he'll do that all by himself if his drinking and raging continue. Is there any concern about his ability to practice? Because that could open him (and you) up to a whole world of financial pain, not to mention any harm that may come to his patients.

BTW, does he rage at his patients and their parents? If not, then he is perfectly able to control his outbursts and you do not need to be a witness or focus of them.

Hope you settle in and read and post lots. If you see any recovery topic that you want to explore, start a thread on it because there is a wealth of information among the members here.
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:54 PM
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He sounds like he is super stressed and super sad.

This must be having a huge impact on you.

I hope you can sort things out - so that you are both happy, be it together or not.

xx
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Old 09-22-2010, 04:51 PM
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Thanks all.

My husband is doing well at his practice. He only gets angry at me occasionally. To everyone else he is friendly and outgoing, even though he is introverted. His face lights up when he sees kids and he relates to them well. He's still functioning fine with his practice. I know since I'm a nurse and type his notes.

He is sad and stressed because of business things. His business has been rough for yrs. So bad that we didn't get paid for 6 months out of the yr for 2 yrs in a row. Only the last 2yrs have been fine and I think he's still spooked that the bad yrs will return again. He didn't get paid because he spent too much building a building with his partner and when it came time to pay overhead, there wasn't enough money left over to bring home. Now the money is fine, not great, but we can live.

HE drinks to relieve this stress. It would be difficult to switch jobs since he owns the building. So he feels trapped. So he drinks.

He super smart, has a phenomenol memory and so far the drinking, depression and poor sleep haven't affected his practice.

I did some art today for "me time,"and plan to go to alanon this Friday.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:16 PM
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It sounds lonely for you.

That basically he has abandoned the marriage due to his problems.

Outward appearances are flawless but the inside is hostage to misery.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:29 PM
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Have you mentioned him seeing a doctor to him? About things other than the depression I mean.
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Old 09-22-2010, 07:24 PM
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Have you mentioned him seeing a doctor to him? About things other than the depression I mean
Yes, for possible heart issues, possible thyroid and for sleep difficulties. He doesn't want help in any way shape or form.
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Old 09-22-2010, 08:50 PM
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Hello, Michelle,

WELCOME to S/R. This is a terrific site, with a lot of wisdom to share in, from our own experience, and support for you. Whatever you life contains, there are those here who have walked in your shoes. And we will walk with you as you figure things out.

I think you can say and ask whatever you feel you should, of your husband. Always remember that it is his decision how to answer your requests. I feel that it is always ok to share what's on your mind; the hard part is to let go of the outcome.

It is a process to gain the clarity to make big decisions. Sometimes we want the answers right NOW, and we surely want to end our anguish. Patience is a good helpmate.

You will get where you need to. We'll be here for you.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:39 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MichelleAL View Post
Yes, for possible heart issues, possible thyroid and for sleep difficulties. He doesn't want help in any way shape or form.
If he doesn't want help, you cannot force him to get it. I might be making a stab in the dark here, but he could be avoiding any medical help because he fears his alcoholism being found out. There also might be other things going on that he fears coming to light.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:43 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi MichelleAL and wellcome.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
It is really hard to make someone to go to the doctor's if they don't want to. God knows I've tried. I was telling my RAH, while he was still activly drinking, to do so until I've turned blue, in the meantime he turned gray, his eyes yellow, black bruised under his eyes, his stomach bloated, and still he thought it is not that bad, and refused to go. I knew he was dieing. Again, he thought it is not that bad yet, he has more time. Since I've realized I'm about to go crazy, if nothing else than from waking up in the morning to check if he is still alive, I've asked him to move out/ kicked him out. Still with him gone I could not bare the fact that he is just going to die somewhere on the streets, so I made hysteric phone call to his mother and told her that he is dieing. She (finally) got worried and his family literaly dragged him into the hospital. Diagnosis: end stage liver cirrhosis. Survival chances: next to none. Well, they have managed to drag him to the hospital only because he was too weak to resist it (and here we are talking about man who is 38 and was highly functioning only few months before this happened). If he wasn't this weak and acctually dieing there is no way in hell they could have make him go. The funny thing about is: he knew it, same as I did. But he was unable to do anything about it, and until it got so bad no one else was able to do anything about it, since he wouldn't let them. Alcoholics don't think rationaly, when they reach advanced stages of the disease (having physical symptoms) their brain is already affected to a considerable extent. They can't help themselves, and no one else can't help them until they reach that place that in their mind qulifies as the rock bottom. For my RAh that was liver cirrhosis, for some others it takes less than that, and to some others it is death. That is scaring and sad. But in my experience that is the truth.
I'm afraid I don't have any advice, I must wanted to share my story so maybe you can benefit something from it.
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