SheCanRun

Since reasoning with an Alcoholic is like reasoning with a brick wall I am not going to do it this time. Instead I'm going to write the email I want to send to him here and get i off my chest...



Dear AH,

Thank you for letting me know that all of my personal belongings are in a safe, conditioned storage unit. Why you felt the need to take them in the first place is beyond my understanding.

Since you removed my stuff prior to me returning to our home I will have to replace a good bit of it. Since I am solely providing for our children this is now even more of a financial burden.

Have you considered that it really is our children that will suffer and go without when I have to buy a winter coat or clothes for work to replace the ones you took of mine?

I'm curious what you are paying per month for the storage unit? Wouldn't it make more sense to take the money and send it to me for child support? Did you really just intend to disappear for three months without sending me a forwarding address and not give me one penny to help me feed and clothe our boys?

Do you really want me to call your lawyer if there is an emergency with the kids? Really?

Is your need to control that strong that you cannot tell me where you are? You would really turn down an opportunity to see the kids while you are in treatment to prevent me from knowing your location?

You have been asking repeatedly about the children's health insurance. I find this interesting since under your care we had no insurance. I secured it for our family and have paid every penny of it out of my check for the past year. Why all of the sudden do you care? AH the kids are probably going on Medicaid unless I get a job that has another option. Again a little support from you would help this situation.

You should know that we officially qualify for and the kids are on the free lunch program at school. When they sent the paperwork home I cried, because I was both relieved and embarrassed at the same time.

I asked you three times how you planned to help me support the kids while you were gone. Then through our lawyers I let you know in detail why it would be necessary for us to move if you couldn't help me. You did not respond. Why not?

I just love that you use the word "abscond" to describe me taking our kids to live with my family. I especially love that you continue fighting me for custody when you are not around to care for them, don't support them financially and are potentially dying of cancer. How on earth could that be good for them?

You make thinly veiled threats that you will get custody. Where are you (and them) going to live after the house is foreclosed on? How will you take care of them since your business is filing bankruptcy? Did you finally decide to get a job that would provide some security for them?

I know I sound angry. I am angry. Most days are better than today and that gives me hope. Just received a nasty email from AH this morning after a pretty long time of no contact. He still has the ability to light me up!

DesertEyes

Hey there SheCanRun, and pleased to "meet" you

I did a lot of that too, worked great. My sponsor taught me a trick about those "resentment letters" called the "God box" ..or "HP box".... or whatever works for you. The idea is that I would write out my resentments on paper, just like you did here on SR. Then I would fold up the piece of paper and put it in a box just for those "resentment letters". Once the paper is in the box it is God's problem, no longer mine.

Now if I want to feel that resentment again, if I just can't let go of it, then I have to fish the particular letter out of the box and read it outloud to myself. Then put it back in the box.

It didn't take me long to have my little box completely full. I started out with an empty kleenex box, but quickly moved up to a shoe box. Still, I had to pull out dozens and dozens of folded up letters and go digging thru them to find the one resentment that happened to be burning me up at the moment. I'm sure I looked quite silly.

But it worked. Writing those letters helped, and "turning it over" to my HP with the physical act of putting it in a box was a good reminder that it's ok for me to feel that anger ... but only for a little while.

I'm glad you're getting your anger out with writing, I know how good it feels.

Mike

p.s. On a separate note, if your AH is sending you emails but not telling you were he is you can get a lawyer to talk to a judge and issue a subpoena to your AH's Internet Service Provider. That will force the ISP to tell the judge where he is connecting to the internet from, so your AH can't hide. 'course, that depends on the laws in your state.