I think I am acting stronger than I really am
 

I really think I am kind of kidding myself that I am being strong by having no contact but.. he is not contacting me...it's not like he calls emails or anything for all intent and purpose it does look like he has moved on. So where does that leave me?? Most AH's try to manipulate their way back but not mine??? One thing new is he came into the house yesterday and took his tools which isn't a problem but it is the first time he came without calling me or his son's to see if it was ok?? So NO I didn't call him to get mad. Did he too it so I would?? Really I need to stop caring what he thinks but there has been so little communication and I don't plan on talking to someone who has wished me dead.. Yikes I sound like a blithering idiot...not a great day

When I seperated from my AH, I got silence. Not a word, call, text, email. He did not try to contact the children either. I have said he was doing what he always wanted: drink without interference.

But I really don't know what he was doing. It's been 1 3/4 years, and I still don't know how he spent his time.

I went by his place of work(early in the seperation) to leave some of his mail in his vehicle. This was approx 2 weeks into seperation. I planned to drop the mail inside his vehicle by letting myself into the car with the spare key. He happened to walk up as I arrived. I was a basket case. All shakey, mumbling, goofy. I really kicked my self for not being stronger and more controlled. (look at you - you weren't jello today!)

My advise is this: be gentle with yourself.
Don't compare yourself to other stories, but identify yourself with the emotions of loss of the relationship. Those of us that have seperated/divorced all experienced loss. Some members lost their partner due to death. All have experience with loss and grief.

You are not alone.

You are not an idiot!

You are a very smart lady - love the wisdom of not wanting to spend time chatting with someone who wishes you dead!

Hi Westbank,

My xabf did the same things as yours. A couple of years ago he was silent for 6 months. Then I heard from him. Don't count your silent "chickens" too early. I would have a serious plan in place for when he does contact you because in my experience it will happen at some point. I had played all the he's moved on stories in my head too.... didn't happen... he spent months drinking himself into oblivion. When he got tired of that ... he called.

:ring