I did it, Thank You SR!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 77
I did it, Thank You SR!
Well I did it, tonight I finally told him I was done and want a divorce. Ten years I have been on SR and reading advice and working steps. I set boundaries and detached fully. The amount of strength that came over me was amazing. I was not mean or hurtful, just stated facts. He was shocked and of course did what they all do.."do I have to quit drinking to save our marriage?" Well, um no...my reply was that he would have to quit drinking, get professional help and be sober for six months before I would consider staying with him. Well that was the deal breaker, he doesn't need help, he can do it on his own....yeh right. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I wanted to share that even though I don't post often, I read every single day. And I am so proud of ME! I have finally put myself and my children's well being first...GO ME! Thank you all for helping me through to this point even when I didn't want to hear the advice given. Much Love to you all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
good for you! isn't it empowering to do that for you and know it is the right thing? i am hanging onto that feeling as i have made the same decision and finally had the guts to say so after being together for 20 years! YOU GO GIRL!!! well done!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by sapphire69 
Well I did it, tonight I finally told him I was done and want a divorce.
He was shocked and of course did what they all do.."do I have to quit drinking to save our marriage?"
And I am so proud of ME! I have finally put myself and my children's well being first...GO ME! Thank you all for helping me through to this point even when I didn't want to hear the advice given. Much Love to you all!
He was shocked and of course did what they all do.."do I have to quit drinking to save our marriage?"
And I am so proud of ME! I have finally put myself and my children's well being first...GO ME! Thank you all for helping me through to this point even when I didn't want to hear the advice given. Much Love to you all!
Is there an echo in these rooms? "Do I have to quit drinking to save our marriage?" My XAH said almost the exact words!
By the time I calmly told him I was done, I had realized that sobriety was not enough. Recovery was needed.
Good on you!
May your path be blessed!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
It is truly amazing how very much the same the stories go.
At the last minute, mine said, "I will stop drinking if you stay".
And I said, "The only way I will stay is if you check yourself into an inpatient program today."
And he said," I can stop on my own. If I didn't have you here mistrusting me, I could stop anytime."
And then I knew I really had no choice but to go.
At the last minute, mine said, "I will stop drinking if you stay".
And I said, "The only way I will stay is if you check yourself into an inpatient program today."
And he said," I can stop on my own. If I didn't have you here mistrusting me, I could stop anytime."
And then I knew I really had no choice but to go.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Thing is, stopping drinking or going off to rehab isn't the holy grail some make it out to be. An alcoholic who goes through the motions to get you off their back is not in recovery. An alcoholic who stops drinking then stews themselves in resentments and crazy thinking is not in recovery.
Trust me that a dry (non recovering) sober alcoholic is impossible to live with also.
Trust me that a dry (non recovering) sober alcoholic is impossible to live with also.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Palatine IL
Posts: 57
And just remember that reinforcement of the divorce decision is important. That what I going through right now is that no matter how many times divorce comes up, my STBxAW doesn't believe the divorce is happening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 77
I know it's going to be tough and I know I have to stick to my guns. Last night was very difficult as he didn't drink at all, he was nice to me, nice to the kids. I know it won't last, it never does. Right now I am really numb and not sure what I am feeling inside.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Congratulations! I'm proud of you too! I especially love that his work to do the bare minimum to keep the status quo doesn't have you tricked. They're tricky this bunch. But you've been here long enough to see past the veil.
Please keep posting, when you're comfortable. I'd love hear how things go for you.
Please keep posting, when you're comfortable. I'd love hear how things go for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New England, U.S.
Posts: 169
i am in a very similar situation and i am excited about ending this roller coaster. My AH has stopped drinking and reached out for help to someone and started going to meetings. THIS time i know it is only an attempt to soften my decision and I am determined NEVER to take the ride again. I want my life back. I have been through this countless times, i get angry, he stops, puts a bandaid on things then gets mean and starts again. it is not my battle anymore. You should be very proud that you can see clearly and are able to stand up for yourself. That is a huge accomplishment and I am cheering you on, just as i am cheering for myself!! Hooray for us for finally realizing we have choices and can take our lives back!!
Congratulations!!!
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