I am so angry and I cannot get out of it
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 182
I'm so sorry L2L - this situation sounds really awful. Maybe your mom would be willing to leave even for a few days? I know probably not. I have never dealt with a mental health situation like this one so all I can offer is a hug....
((((L2L)))) and a prayer your mom will change her mind.
((((L2L)))) and a prayer your mom will change her mind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I'm not necessarily advocating a hands off approach. I'm just saying, change the things you can. You have told her with words, and shown her by example how to let go. She is unwilling to take what you have offered. Maybe you can call someone who advocates for elders being abused, maybe you need to let go knowing you've done what you can. I don't know what's best, I just know that making yourself crazy doesn't do anyone any good. Sometimes all the choices we have are crap. I know. But please remember that the most important person needing your support is you. ((()))
L
L
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
This is a terrible situation for you to have to watch and I am so sorry for you too.
My only suggestion would be to try and convert some of the anger into excercise and burn off some of that stress. Exercise always leaves you with a better feeling physically, won't harm you and will help to prevent a negative downword spiral from stress building up.
My only suggestion would be to try and convert some of the anger into excercise and burn off some of that stress. Exercise always leaves you with a better feeling physically, won't harm you and will help to prevent a negative downword spiral from stress building up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I like HollyAnn's suggestion. She doesn't have to leave. Can your mom take a vacation and come stay with you for a couple days, weeks... My sister and I got our Mom to visit for a year - a year away from her ABF - a year hanging out with 3 of the coolest little grandsons. She's going back - at least to where she used to live, possibly to ABF, but I hope she now has a good old tool box filled with information to help deal with him.
A little distance can do wonders for perspective. And when she goes home, she'll be able to approach the situation rested, clear headed, and with some of her strength back. Maybe ready to make changes or set and enforce boundaries?
A little distance can do wonders for perspective. And when she goes home, she'll be able to approach the situation rested, clear headed, and with some of her strength back. Maybe ready to make changes or set and enforce boundaries?
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I doubt she would go to Al-Anon. You guys are right; I am going to call a mental health association to try to find help. Thank you all for your responses. I think he tries to treat the illness with alcohol.
Thank you for being there. I am having a really hard time today. At least I have my job to go to.
Thank you for being there. I am having a really hard time today. At least I have my job to go to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 101
You always are there for advice for others and it is sad to watch your family of origin just fall apart.
The emotions are just awful. Anger, helplessness, detaching when you can with cold blooded determination. But the family is always in the background.
You might only get to the point where you think what incident has happened today, then you have to remind yourself to work on you and get busy on yourself and your life once again.
Getting and doing what you can for getting help from outside resources is one step you can do (I had to call APS on my Dad's situation).
There has got to be an authority and by the way if they are over 65 APS may even apply in this situation (Adult Protective Services) to your Dad and Mom.
If your brother is drinking then any medication he is taking might be not very effective and making things worse. Does he have a Dr. or a social worker for his case?
Is there any halfway house program he could qualify for?
Rehab in the local hospital and getting his medication adjusted. Maybe rehab for your father?
Just throwing out ideas. Call whatever authority you can think of and find out about getting help for your brother especially. The jail thing sounds cruel - I thought they separated or they should the mentally ill people - he is just a sitting duck for thugs - who thought of that idea to mingle prisoners. If it is a county jail and they insist on doing that you might call the sheriff and mention he keeps getting beaten up or something worse could happen. That is just stupid. Mental health advocates might be able to help with ideas on this situation. Your brother is certainly not the only one they are mingling.
I was angry for weeks, then crying for weeks, then you start to realize what this does for your health. People refer to on this forum how you really have to let go. But I added let go after you have made a few calls to people and found out what is out there to help. Leave it to the professionals.
If you are truly offering your Mom a chance to get out for a while and she won't there is nothing you can do. Maybe the best chance would be for a few days of a break away with you. And handing her the Al Anon book if you feel you need to. But if you make it three days of trying to talk her into leaving that is just going to be more stressful.
Thinking of you and hoping some help is out there for this situation.
The emotions are just awful. Anger, helplessness, detaching when you can with cold blooded determination. But the family is always in the background.
You might only get to the point where you think what incident has happened today, then you have to remind yourself to work on you and get busy on yourself and your life once again.
Getting and doing what you can for getting help from outside resources is one step you can do (I had to call APS on my Dad's situation).
There has got to be an authority and by the way if they are over 65 APS may even apply in this situation (Adult Protective Services) to your Dad and Mom.
If your brother is drinking then any medication he is taking might be not very effective and making things worse. Does he have a Dr. or a social worker for his case?
Is there any halfway house program he could qualify for?
Rehab in the local hospital and getting his medication adjusted. Maybe rehab for your father?
Just throwing out ideas. Call whatever authority you can think of and find out about getting help for your brother especially. The jail thing sounds cruel - I thought they separated or they should the mentally ill people - he is just a sitting duck for thugs - who thought of that idea to mingle prisoners. If it is a county jail and they insist on doing that you might call the sheriff and mention he keeps getting beaten up or something worse could happen. That is just stupid. Mental health advocates might be able to help with ideas on this situation. Your brother is certainly not the only one they are mingling.
I was angry for weeks, then crying for weeks, then you start to realize what this does for your health. People refer to on this forum how you really have to let go. But I added let go after you have made a few calls to people and found out what is out there to help. Leave it to the professionals.
If you are truly offering your Mom a chance to get out for a while and she won't there is nothing you can do. Maybe the best chance would be for a few days of a break away with you. And handing her the Al Anon book if you feel you need to. But if you make it three days of trying to talk her into leaving that is just going to be more stressful.
Thinking of you and hoping some help is out there for this situation.
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