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I need to vent again.

Old 09-20-2010, 08:20 AM
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I need to vent again.

Another letter I will never send to my axbf

I am trying to hate the disease and not you. Eminem sings about recovery I listen to his song a lot. It always makes me cry. It made me go back and listen to a lot of his work and it really touches me. Why do some men care and love so much for their children and you DON"T?
Why dont you fight?
Why doNT you do something?
Anything?.
If it was me a would crawl all the way here just to see him. peek in a window, beg to hold him. How do you sleep at night??????
How do you exist knowing a beautiful little baby boy lives and breathes with out you.
How? Do you hate yourself?
I pray for you. I do . I REALLLY DO. I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR WAY.
TODAY I AM ANGRY.. AGAIN.. AT YOU.. AT THE "DISEASE"
I am so torn. I am grateful, You helped give me my son, but angry I had to save him from his own father. You were suppose to protect him!
Instead I stand alone..
Woman Warrior.
Mother Warrior.

Big breathe
Thank you for reading...wow
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Old 09-20-2010, 09:07 AM
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Keep fighting Momma. Do the next right thing.
Hugs
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Old 09-20-2010, 09:20 AM
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You and your son will do JUST fine!!!
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Old 09-21-2010, 11:17 PM
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Your child may not realize how strong of a momma he has yet, but he will. It takes a lot to put our love, and wants aside, and do the best thing that we possibly can for our children. I commend you on being strong, and wish you the best.
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:22 AM
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Hi there lovely,

I understand your anger,
I don't know if this will help you; I too just couldn't get how stbxAH could let his kids down so continuously, not put them first, not step up and become a consistent father.

It is evident that my stbx has great overwhelming, powerful feelings of love towards his children. He also wants the absolute best for them. What he is not able to do consistently is translate those feelings into the loving ACTION they require (turning up sober and on time to see them, fulfilling promises, putting time with them before alcohol etc).

His feelings are not in question but his actions are not effectively linked to them. I don't know if that is an alcohol thing, a personality thing, a FOO thing, a combination, it just is. He loves his children at the very, very, upper limit of his capability to love, he loves them more than anyone or anything else on this planet, I think that is important for them to understand. He can't always translate that into what they need though.

That helped me enormously when I realised it.
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Old 09-22-2010, 06:56 AM
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Wow,
Your love for that little boy is beautiful. You would do anything for him, that is easy to see.

I am sorry for your heartache. His father does not even realize what he is missing. But thank God, your son has a most wonderful mama.

Perhaps his father knows that he has nothing to offer, since he is still lost in his sickness. This disease robs people of their love, life, joy, peace- of every good thing. It has robbed him of his son, and I hope that some day soon, he will fight back, and get a life where he may have something to offer his son. But we can't make that happen. We cant control a thing. Just what we do with what we have been given.

You are blessed , even tho it is tough for you, you have a treasure.
You are strong, and I admire you so much, wow.

big hugs,
chicory
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