I relapsed as a codependent what do I do now

Old 09-19-2010, 10:51 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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I relapsed as a codependent what do I do now

I had a major blowout with my 16 yo on Saturday. Again the anger creeped ip on me, bit I know she's playing became taking advantage of the giant quiet rift between me and my AH.

After the blowout, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown feeling sorry for myself so I called AH who was on his way home from up North 200 miles away.

I layed it on thick crying because I felt like crying. I never cry but anything triggers me now. I told him about our daughter, then laid it on him too.

I said I am upset about how our family is right now. That I was tired of being roommates and that I would like to know if he was active or recovering and to simply tell me the truth. I then told him I read codependent no more and was working on myself. - obviously three steps back this weekend so I cracked open the book again!

He told me he had been back to a few meetings that's he's reading the big book again has talked to a priest. I just took it in unemotionally, without questioning whether it was true. Then my even keeled AH then proceeds to say - and I pray on my knees every am before I go to work everyday. Then proceeds to say that he kneels intgw garage to do it.

Something went off in me. My head told me that my loving AH is in the real thick of it. Fir someone who I think wad 100 percent sober say this really scared me. My first reaction was omg he had me until he really laid it on me.

He came home after our discussion on the phone seemed fine. Cane into our room and we watched the college football games. We chatted I felt good that he was there but in the back of my mind the grandiose statements are happening. Which is do uncharacteristic of him.

After he watched the game hw got up and slept in our sons room. He had mentioned that it was uncomfortable for him given our quiet dissent about alcohol. So evenafter he told me he wax recovering not active, he got right back ip and went to sleep there.

I've been positive all weekend with him not bringing our discussion up but I didn't have a wall around me. And yet he's in his room again. I'm figuring he's not ready to face the truth that he's active and doesn't want to talk. I'm really freaked out about the praying in the garage comment. I think
It's really hitting his brain even when he's completely sober.
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Old 09-20-2010, 05:10 AM
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It appears he may be working his recovery and allowing you the space to work yours.

I can't determine his motives, or question his actions. Not my place.

If you take a step back and look at his actions:

He listened to you when you called him concerned about your daughter.
You shared your events about the altercation with your daughter.
He came home.
He was civil.
He went to sleep.

IMHO, he was working on his recovery. He wasn't doing anything TO you, just doing things for himself.

You asked what steps to take.
My recommendations: Step away from the alcoholic.
Hands off their recovery.
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror.

What steps are you taking towards your recovery? Have you tried Alanon meetings or counseling?

I also re-read some of your posts.
I noticed that your typing is usually without error.
You have mentioned panic/anxiety attacks.
Your post from last night is filled with typos.
What's up?
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Old 09-20-2010, 06:29 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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You're a wise person, Pelican. Your insight is right on and he said he was focusing on his recovery. I have to let it go and have faith that it is happening and focus on myself. Thanks again. The typos were due to my dreaded iPhone 4.
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