My Niece was killed last week
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
My heart breaks for my best friend. First his sister (Mel) then his daughter one year and one day before we buried Mel. Driving home from Yellow Stone they hit another driver head on who also died instantly. The bodies were burned beyond recognition and all he wanted to do was hold his daughter, and he couldn't do that. I recently learned she had been struggling with addiction problems, persc. drugs, then oxi, now just learning about meth. No doubt she was using during the trip.
S was in town visiting last May and I knew something was up. She was really hyper with crazy mood swings and talking so fast she would get ahead of herself. She's normally very hyper but that was off the hook. I should have said something, taken out to dinner for a meal and conversation in private and to try and reach her. Might not have made a difference but at least I could say I tried, all I did was turn my back on her. I'm ashamed. I was just a silent witness to her problems instead of a concerned family member. I ****** up.
S was in town visiting last May and I knew something was up. She was really hyper with crazy mood swings and talking so fast she would get ahead of herself. She's normally very hyper but that was off the hook. I should have said something, taken out to dinner for a meal and conversation in private and to try and reach her. Might not have made a difference but at least I could say I tried, all I did was turn my back on her. I'm ashamed. I was just a silent witness to her problems instead of a concerned family member. I ****** up.
Jazz,
It's highly doubtful (as all of us here know) that confronting her would have made any difference in her choices. But, even on the slim possibility it would have, you cannot change the past.
I understand you're hurting right now, but it pains me that you are flogging yourself on top of it. Please don't.
L
It's highly doubtful (as all of us here know) that confronting her would have made any difference in her choices. But, even on the slim possibility it would have, you cannot change the past.
I understand you're hurting right now, but it pains me that you are flogging yourself on top of it. Please don't.
L
Sounds like you only "know" something was up in retrospect, now that you've been made privy to that information.
I agree with your compassion for your friend's losses, not being able to hold his daughter one last time is the worst.
This forum is full of people, including you and me, who spent years trying everything we could think of to get our loved ones straight and sober, NOTHING WORKS.
Give yourself a break, and let yourself off the hook. Please.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I agree with your compassion for your friend's losses, not being able to hold his daughter one last time is the worst.
This forum is full of people, including you and me, who spent years trying everything we could think of to get our loved ones straight and sober, NOTHING WORKS.
Give yourself a break, and let yourself off the hook. Please.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Jazzman,
There was surely nothing that you could have jumped in and have said or done. Regret is so bitter, and so unhelpful.
My deepest sympathy to you and your friend. You are bearing life's worst tragedy.
So very sorry
There was surely nothing that you could have jumped in and have said or done. Regret is so bitter, and so unhelpful.
My deepest sympathy to you and your friend. You are bearing life's worst tragedy.
So very sorry
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
You were not a silent witness, Jazz. You were a concerned family member who knew full well that you were powerless over her addiction. No words would have changed that, no matter how gently, compassionately, or wisely spoken.
Be kind to yourself, Jazz, for you deserve all the kindness in the world.
Be kind to yourself, Jazz, for you deserve all the kindness in the world.
Jazzman-I send you my deepest condolences. It pained me to read your post thinking you may have turned your back on her. I am sure you have been there for her always. It seems that is just who you are.
I am so sorry for your pain but please don't go where you are going. It will only hurt you more and you know, deep in your heart, that you could not have done anything.
Be kind to yourself and remember that your love for her was the best thing you could give her.
Again, I am so sorry for the losses you and her family and friends are going through.
I am so sorry for your pain but please don't go where you are going. It will only hurt you more and you know, deep in your heart, that you could not have done anything.
Be kind to yourself and remember that your love for her was the best thing you could give her.
Again, I am so sorry for the losses you and her family and friends are going through.
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