Jazz,
I can't bring myself to click on the "thanks" button for the above post as it seems disrespectful somehow, yet I want to thank you:

Thank you for being here
Thank you for sharing your situation with us
Thank you for showing your real self to us and allowing us to reach out to you
Thank you for being the wonderful man that you are
Thank you for your wisdom and compassion, and for loving your family the way that you do.

I am so incredibly sorry for the tragic loss of your niece, but amazed and proud for you at how your recovery shines thru even in the darkest of times.

Thank you for showing us how to walk thru something like this with dignity and grace.

Thank you CatsPajamas for expressing so well your feelings.
My own feelings about clicking "thanks" gave me pause.

Keeping you lifted in prayer Jazzman.

Jazzman
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is very tragic to lose someone so young. May her young daughter be wrapped in the love of her family and God's grace.
gentle hugs

((Jazz))

my prayers are going up for you & your family!
I don't have the words, but God has the comfort, peace and grace - I'll just ask Him to send it to each of you.

Rita

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. :(

I'm so very sorry for your loss Jazzman, my thoughts go out to you and your family at this time...

My heart breaks for my best friend. First his sister (Mel) then his daughter one year and one day before we buried Mel. Driving home from Yellow Stone they hit another driver head on who also died instantly. The bodies were burned beyond recognition and all he wanted to do was hold his daughter, and he couldn't do that. I recently learned she had been struggling with addiction problems, persc. drugs, then oxi, now just learning about meth. No doubt she was using during the trip.

S was in town visiting last May and I knew something was up. She was really hyper with crazy mood swings and talking so fast she would get ahead of herself. She's normally very hyper but that was off the hook. I should have said something, taken out to dinner for a meal and conversation in private and to try and reach her. Might not have made a difference but at least I could say I tried, all I did was turn my back on her. I'm ashamed. I was just a silent witness to her problems instead of a concerned family member. I ****** up.

Jazz,

It's highly doubtful (as all of us here know) that confronting her would have made any difference in her choices. But, even on the slim possibility it would have, you cannot change the past.

I understand you're hurting right now, but it pains me that you are flogging yourself on top of it. Please don't.

L

Jazzman, hindsight is always 20/20. Please, don't beat yourself up with the could's and should's. Remember the three C's. Don't add shame to your grief. :ghug3

Sounds like you only "know" something was up in retrospect, now that you've been made privy to that information.

I agree with your compassion for your friend's losses, not being able to hold his daughter one last time is the worst.

This forum is full of people, including you and me, who spent years trying everything we could think of to get our loved ones straight and sober, NOTHING WORKS.

Give yourself a break, and let yourself off the hook. Please.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Jazzman,

There was surely nothing that you could have jumped in and have said or done. Regret is so bitter, and so unhelpful.

My deepest sympathy to you and your friend. You are bearing life's worst tragedy.

So very sorry

It must be so difficult to lose someone once again too soon. Such an untimely and devastating loss.

May you find the strength, peace and serenity you will need during this difficult time.

You were not a silent witness, Jazz. You were a concerned family member who knew full well that you were powerless over her addiction. No words would have changed that, no matter how gently, compassionately, or wisely spoken.

Be kind to yourself, Jazz, for you deserve all the kindness in the world.

Jazzman-I send you my deepest condolences. It pained me to read your post thinking you may have turned your back on her. I am sure you have been there for her always. It seems that is just who you are.

I am so sorry for your pain but please don't go where you are going. It will only hurt you more and you know, deep in your heart, that you could not have done anything.

Be kind to yourself and remember that your love for her was the best thing you could give her.

Again, I am so sorry for the losses you and her family and friends are going through.

Jazz,

I'm so, so sorry. Gentleness with yourself...gentleness.

Hugs,
posie

Thanks y’all. I've been in such a funk, like the loss of S just opened up all the hurt again from the loss of Mel and my Mom. Just processing some residual grief I guess? I'm ok.