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Old 12-16-2010, 07:15 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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She wants to go to meetings all day and put herself on that anabuse drug.

Good for her. That's her plan, leave it in her hands.

What do you want to do? What do your children need?

Peace-
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Old 12-16-2010, 08:50 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gearhead View Post
She wants to go to meetings all day and put herself on that anabuse drug. Any experience?
Yes. From my experience, this is an excuse to NOT do the hard thing and check into a 30 day rehab. She wants to rehab herself so she can quit as easily as she started, with no commitments. Hedging her bets. Very predictable.
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Old 12-17-2010, 03:52 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Jazzman View Post
Yes. From my experience, this is an excuse to NOT do the hard thing and check into a 30 day rehab. She wants to rehab herself so she can quit as easily as she started, with no commitments. Hedging her bets. Very predictable.
Unfortunately, she is our only bread winner now. A 30 leave would be result in career suicide. She took a personal day yesterday to do the meeting marathon with her sponsor. But I agree, rehab would be a great way to break the cycle.
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Old 12-17-2010, 04:11 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Is intensive outpatient therapy an option?
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:34 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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My wife is also an alcoholic...

although she is not the primary breadwinner. Having said that, and having been down this road for about 12 years now, I'm only going to share with you three things. All three things I strongly believe and there is no order of importance; they are all important-- take what you want and leave the rest.
  1. Silence is not golden. Do not let her control the situation or hide it by telling you who you can talk to about her drinking, ESPECIALLY your children. This is a stereotypical alcoholic tactic. Anything to continue the sham. I feel I hurt my daughter a great deal by letting my wife do this for so long, and believe we are not serving our children when we model the behavior where the drinker gets to dictate what we talk about with each other. I think it is damaging and life changing for them. Please consider no longer ignoring the elephant in the room. Please. Note also that this is a tactic used with prisoners of war and law enforcement-- keep everybody separate and don't let them talk to each other. It sounds dramatic, and she may not be completely cogent that is what she is doing, but it's exactly what she is doing. Exactly.
  2. Something is going to have to change around the finances, because for her to use her work as an excuse to not get help (also typical alcoholic MO) could be equally or more damaging to the family. Try as you might, the most likely conclusion here if she tries to muscle it on her own or with Anabuse is a worsening of this progressive disease (unless she does it in a treatment center-- that works for some people. Some.). I suppose you can wait this out and see what happens, but if it's not successful use what you learn from it to make your decisions going forward. I'd still encourage you to think around your ability to earn-- you may need it.
  3. Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon. It will be the best gift you have ever given yourself, as will Alateen for your children.

Take care and good luck. My thoughts go to you and your family.

Cyranoak

Originally Posted by Gearhead View Post
Unfortunately, she is our only bread winner now. A 30 leave would be result in career suicide. She took a personal day yesterday to do the meeting marathon with her sponsor. But I agree, rehab would be a great way to break the cycle.
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Old 12-18-2010, 06:02 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I guess that I never updated some things: The "no talking to kids" policy evaporated some time ago. The kids talk to me frequently and honestly. I have told them about ala-teen, but they have resisted so far. The oldest has confided in his church group leader. I make it a point to not bash her but neither do I ignore the behavior. I stress to the kids that it is a disease that she has to deal with. They are very aware of her and avoid her when there is a problem. Of course this upsets her but she fully understands why.
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