this is so hard
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
this is so hard
its taken alot for me to come on here im so lost right now i dont know what way is up first of all i will admit ive put him back on my msn i dont know why maybe i like suffering i dont know and well hes told me shes given him gonarea i cant spell that and the baby she says was his isnt his shes been sleeping with any man she could and shes 23 and the jealousy is eating me up cos he cant give me a good reason why hes dumped me for her cos its not even the sex he says he doesnt know why just he dont want me back and its killing me knowing that 
cos really felt he would change his mind and want me back and now its like the pains there all over again cos its final this time nowt i can do about and i feel such pain i can say how bad it is cos i put everything into us and hes just shot it down in flames.
Im finding it hard even just trying to eat and going out the house well thats proving so hard i dont wanna even get dressed let alone go out i keep looking back and wondering what were the good points why cant i let go of him when he evidently doesnt love me even though he says he does cos when i look back i think what good times were there why am i finding it so hard to let go cos he even waited till he knew i trusted him 100 per cent then stuck the knife in and u could say well the drink but no the drink didnt cause all this its gotta be him and why would i wanna be with someone who could hurt me like this and not relise how much hes hurt me says i was been mean earlier with what i was saying about this child hes seeing atm oh shes apparently getting an abortion so she can have his child how nutty is that so u could say im out of that one but why does it hurt so much then cos it does i can begin to describe how much it does well gonna go read some more am trying to put some stuff into words but its hard i just need some support to help me threw this cos im scared what i might do
cos really felt he would change his mind and want me back and now its like the pains there all over again cos its final this time nowt i can do about and i feel such pain i can say how bad it is cos i put everything into us and hes just shot it down in flames.Im finding it hard even just trying to eat and going out the house well thats proving so hard i dont wanna even get dressed let alone go out i keep looking back and wondering what were the good points why cant i let go of him when he evidently doesnt love me even though he says he does cos when i look back i think what good times were there why am i finding it so hard to let go cos he even waited till he knew i trusted him 100 per cent then stuck the knife in and u could say well the drink but no the drink didnt cause all this its gotta be him and why would i wanna be with someone who could hurt me like this and not relise how much hes hurt me says i was been mean earlier with what i was saying about this child hes seeing atm oh shes apparently getting an abortion so she can have his child how nutty is that so u could say im out of that one but why does it hurt so much then cos it does i can begin to describe how much it does well gonna go read some more am trying to put some stuff into words but its hard i just need some support to help me threw this cos im scared what i might do
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Kia,
You have daughters that love you and I'm sure they would love to see you taking care of yourself.
I would love to see you take care of yourself. You are worth the time and effort.
When you're ready to give up your front row seat in his drama, you will begin to recover.
It seems he is still talking 'quack' from here. He has been intimate with her long enough for her to develop a pregnancy (4 - 6 weeks). Have you been intimate with him during this time? If so, please get to your health care professional and get yourself checked for STD's.
You deserve to be treated with respect, love and patience. I wish you strength to remove yourself from this relationship.
You have daughters that love you and I'm sure they would love to see you taking care of yourself.
I would love to see you take care of yourself. You are worth the time and effort.
When you're ready to give up your front row seat in his drama, you will begin to recover.
It seems he is still talking 'quack' from here. He has been intimate with her long enough for her to develop a pregnancy (4 - 6 weeks). Have you been intimate with him during this time? If so, please get to your health care professional and get yourself checked for STD's.
You deserve to be treated with respect, love and patience. I wish you strength to remove yourself from this relationship.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
^^^^I totally agree with Pelican....this is normal with OUR self esteem...take the time for you..do what is best for you...how about a good book? some friends you have not seen in awhile., call them, go for coffee or a movie...I listen to music...FULL BLAST and dance the nite away with my kids...<<they got there beloved dads MOVE and MOE JOE...
I say stop all contact..he has DONE you a favor...and yes its a waste of ENERGY...
let him have HIS BED AND LIE IN IT!!!
B@ST@RD!
I say stop all contact..he has DONE you a favor...and yes its a waste of ENERGY...
let him have HIS BED AND LIE IN IT!!!
B@ST@RD!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Kia, if you want the cycle of pain to stop then you NEED to begin to work on yourself, concentrate on you and seek out some help for yourself.
It is great that you come here and I hope the forum is a great support to you as it is to me and everyone else here...BUT...
Sometimes our self esteem and self worth gets really damaged and so because it is so low, we feel worthless and feel that this behaviour is all we deserve...the best we can get and so we accept behaviour and treatment that no "normal", self respecting person would EVER put up with.
I bet you feel better about yourself when you're with people who make you feel good, friends who make you laugh, family who love you no matter what...there are blokes like this too, nice blokes who will treat you good and as a result of spending time with people who make you feel good, it makes you feel better about yourself...the more time you spend with people who are nice, calming, honest, loyal...the more you realise just how bad it was, just how much you put up with and you wonder why.
Have you thought about seeking counselling for yourself? You can get 8 free hour sessions via your GP if you ask to be referred, that's in Liverpool anyhow, I'm sure Southport would be similar. I had the 8 sessions myself and found it really helped me to understand why I do what I do. I'm no where near "cured" but I've unravelled a few things from the past and put some bits into order, it might help you too.
Please go and get checked for Gonorrhoea, reading about it, it says there are few symptoms, sometimes no symptoms or very mild ones, mild enough to go unnoticed but left untreated can cause severe complications and serious infection which can spread throughout the reproductive organs, causing things like pelvic inflammatory disease. If you don't get tested you might not know until it's too late to be treated successfully.
As for the other woman...she's young, she doesn't know him well. She prolly doesn't moan about his drinking and spending money, she doesn't know he lies and is selfish and treats u like dirt. She's just his new enabler...she gives him less stick because she hasn't experienced how bad he can get yet. When she realises what a s**t he is and starts trying to change him, he'll find someone else who makes his addictions easier to go on with. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages and use people.
It is great that you come here and I hope the forum is a great support to you as it is to me and everyone else here...BUT...
Sometimes our self esteem and self worth gets really damaged and so because it is so low, we feel worthless and feel that this behaviour is all we deserve...the best we can get and so we accept behaviour and treatment that no "normal", self respecting person would EVER put up with.
I bet you feel better about yourself when you're with people who make you feel good, friends who make you laugh, family who love you no matter what...there are blokes like this too, nice blokes who will treat you good and as a result of spending time with people who make you feel good, it makes you feel better about yourself...the more time you spend with people who are nice, calming, honest, loyal...the more you realise just how bad it was, just how much you put up with and you wonder why.
Have you thought about seeking counselling for yourself? You can get 8 free hour sessions via your GP if you ask to be referred, that's in Liverpool anyhow, I'm sure Southport would be similar. I had the 8 sessions myself and found it really helped me to understand why I do what I do. I'm no where near "cured" but I've unravelled a few things from the past and put some bits into order, it might help you too.
Please go and get checked for Gonorrhoea, reading about it, it says there are few symptoms, sometimes no symptoms or very mild ones, mild enough to go unnoticed but left untreated can cause severe complications and serious infection which can spread throughout the reproductive organs, causing things like pelvic inflammatory disease. If you don't get tested you might not know until it's too late to be treated successfully.
As for the other woman...she's young, she doesn't know him well. She prolly doesn't moan about his drinking and spending money, she doesn't know he lies and is selfish and treats u like dirt. She's just his new enabler...she gives him less stick because she hasn't experienced how bad he can get yet. When she realises what a s**t he is and starts trying to change him, he'll find someone else who makes his addictions easier to go on with. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages and use people.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by Tally 
Kia, if you want the cycle of pain to stop then you NEED to begin to work on yourself, concentrate on you and seek out some help for yourself.
It is great that you come here and I hope the forum is a great support to you as it is to me and everyone else here...BUT...
Sometimes our self esteem and self worth gets really damaged and so because it is so low, we feel worthless and feel that this behaviour is all we deserve...the best we can get and so we accept behaviour and treatment that no "normal", self respecting person would EVER put up with.
I bet you feel better about yourself when you're with people who make you feel good, friends who make you laugh, family who love you no matter what...there are blokes like this too, nice blokes who will treat you good and as a result of spending time with people who make you feel good, it makes you feel better about yourself...the more time you spend with people who are nice, calming, honest, loyal...the more you realise just how bad it was, just how much you put up with and you wonder why.
Have you thought about seeking counselling for yourself? You can get 8 free hour sessions via your GP if you ask to be referred, that's in Liverpool anyhow, I'm sure Southport would be similar. I had the 8 sessions myself and found it really helped me to understand why I do what I do. I'm no where near "cured" but I've unravelled a few things from the past and put some bits into order, it might help you too.
Please go and get checked for Gonorrhoea, reading about it, it says there are few symptoms, sometimes no symptoms or very mild ones, mild enough to go unnoticed but left untreated can cause severe complications and serious infection which can spread throughout the reproductive organs, causing things like pelvic inflammatory disease. If you don't get tested you might not know until it's too late to be treated successfully.
As for the other woman...she's young, she doesn't know him well. She prolly doesn't moan about his drinking and spending money, she doesn't know he lies and is selfish and treats u like dirt. She's just his new enabler...she gives him less stick because she hasn't experienced how bad he can get yet. When she realises what a s**t he is and starts trying to change him, he'll find someone else who makes his addictions easier to go on with. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages and use people.
It is great that you come here and I hope the forum is a great support to you as it is to me and everyone else here...BUT...
Sometimes our self esteem and self worth gets really damaged and so because it is so low, we feel worthless and feel that this behaviour is all we deserve...the best we can get and so we accept behaviour and treatment that no "normal", self respecting person would EVER put up with.
I bet you feel better about yourself when you're with people who make you feel good, friends who make you laugh, family who love you no matter what...there are blokes like this too, nice blokes who will treat you good and as a result of spending time with people who make you feel good, it makes you feel better about yourself...the more time you spend with people who are nice, calming, honest, loyal...the more you realise just how bad it was, just how much you put up with and you wonder why.
Have you thought about seeking counselling for yourself? You can get 8 free hour sessions via your GP if you ask to be referred, that's in Liverpool anyhow, I'm sure Southport would be similar. I had the 8 sessions myself and found it really helped me to understand why I do what I do. I'm no where near "cured" but I've unravelled a few things from the past and put some bits into order, it might help you too.
Please go and get checked for Gonorrhoea, reading about it, it says there are few symptoms, sometimes no symptoms or very mild ones, mild enough to go unnoticed but left untreated can cause severe complications and serious infection which can spread throughout the reproductive organs, causing things like pelvic inflammatory disease. If you don't get tested you might not know until it's too late to be treated successfully.
As for the other woman...she's young, she doesn't know him well. She prolly doesn't moan about his drinking and spending money, she doesn't know he lies and is selfish and treats u like dirt. She's just his new enabler...she gives him less stick because she hasn't experienced how bad he can get yet. When she realises what a s**t he is and starts trying to change him, he'll find someone else who makes his addictions easier to go on with. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages and use people.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
Originally Posted by KerBearz
I'm sorry you're hurting so much, Kia. During times of pain, I ask my higher power for strength and guidance. Do you have... Al-Anon? Friends? Family? Church?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: ozarks
Posts: 85
kia,
i'm doing the poor-me dance too........
it doesn't do anybody any good especially the kids!
for me, when i get to wallowing in self pitty, i find it productive to do something, anything, for the kids.....heck, this morning i'm cooking a pan of brownies before work because i know later today my heart will be warmed by smiles and a choclate covered face.
keep-pluggin`
i'm doing the poor-me dance too........
it doesn't do anybody any good especially the kids!
for me, when i get to wallowing in self pitty, i find it productive to do something, anything, for the kids.....heck, this morning i'm cooking a pan of brownies before work because i know later today my heart will be warmed by smiles and a choclate covered face.
keep-pluggin`
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi kia.
It always comes down to self worth.
I hope you can get to a good therapist - only with one I have been able to realize why I do what I do, am used to stress/suffering, and how to change that - otherwise you will mourn this person then find the same guy, only with a different body.
Life is more than that.
Hugs
TC999
It always comes down to self worth.
I hope you can get to a good therapist - only with one I have been able to realize why I do what I do, am used to stress/suffering, and how to change that - otherwise you will mourn this person then find the same guy, only with a different body.
Life is more than that.
Hugs
TC999
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Kia, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling.
If you need to speak to someone anytime, then call Samaritans Home Page-->
If you need to speak to someone anytime, then call Samaritans Home Page-->
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