stbxah sent the police to my house
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
stbxah sent the police to my house
I had let go of all my anger (mostly) about the stupid money crap stbxah pulled at the mediation. Had a mostly pleasant weekend.
Kids came home and chaos ensued. Older son started yelling at me about saying mean things to his dad so he crashed his bicycle into a car. All I could do is look puzzled. When stbxah was goading me by email I did tell him that although I lost a lot of money-when it got right down to it, he was the biggest loser. Apparently he was on his bike and got hit by a car--or hit a car (and blamed it on me because I called him a loser????). First what the hell is he doing writing email while he is on a bicycle. Second, he did not go to the hospital until the following day-gee I wonder why--perhaps he had been drinking and that is how he crashed his bike into a car? Only speculation on my part. . .
But older son, who is having a hard time because he is off his medication until I can get him into a psychiatrist on Thursday, started going into a rage and calling me a liar and that I was lying about his Dad drinking and taking drugs. OK, older son has been around and seen him wasted. So older son takes my phone and calls his Dad while I am giving younger son a bath. I see what he is doing and can hear stbxah feeding our son's paranoia (?sp) so I took the phone away, told him to stop telling the kids lies and called him a pig and hung up. What does stbxah do? He calls the police and says his son called him crying and there was yelling and he did not know if he was safe.
If I called the police every time my older son called from his Dad's house his Dad would be locked up in prison. Fortunately the officer who came understood what was going on.
I just emailed stbxah, I am sure pointlessly, asking him to please keep the kids out of this garbage. To take his money and move on. That he could lie to himself as much as he wanted but to stop manipulating our son, who has major trust issues and try to get him to stop trusting one of the few people he does trust.
I then emailed my attorney and told her what happened. I want to scream. Older DS has a brain disorder and needs support. I told her if it did not stop that I was going to ask that a Guardian ad Litem be appointed--which I would hate to do since the final divorce hearing is in 8 days and it would drag the thing out forever--which I think is what stbxah wants to do. He does not want to give up his source of income, his insurance policy, his only security blanket (me) so he is going to try other ways to hold on.
According to older DS his Dad was throwing money all over the place this weekend and DS hears me say that we are going to sort of be on a budget for a bit. stbxah is going to be in for a big surpirse when he finds out that when he goes to withdraw his money the day after the trial (or shortly after that)--that he will not be getting half of everything--he will only be getting half of what I have put there (not what the govenerment has matched) and then it will be taxed. So when all is said and done he will only be getting about 1/3 of what he thinks he is going to get--it is not even enough to cover the debt he is in. I wonder what he will do then?
Kids came home and chaos ensued. Older son started yelling at me about saying mean things to his dad so he crashed his bicycle into a car. All I could do is look puzzled. When stbxah was goading me by email I did tell him that although I lost a lot of money-when it got right down to it, he was the biggest loser. Apparently he was on his bike and got hit by a car--or hit a car (and blamed it on me because I called him a loser????). First what the hell is he doing writing email while he is on a bicycle. Second, he did not go to the hospital until the following day-gee I wonder why--perhaps he had been drinking and that is how he crashed his bike into a car? Only speculation on my part. . .
But older son, who is having a hard time because he is off his medication until I can get him into a psychiatrist on Thursday, started going into a rage and calling me a liar and that I was lying about his Dad drinking and taking drugs. OK, older son has been around and seen him wasted. So older son takes my phone and calls his Dad while I am giving younger son a bath. I see what he is doing and can hear stbxah feeding our son's paranoia (?sp) so I took the phone away, told him to stop telling the kids lies and called him a pig and hung up. What does stbxah do? He calls the police and says his son called him crying and there was yelling and he did not know if he was safe.
If I called the police every time my older son called from his Dad's house his Dad would be locked up in prison. Fortunately the officer who came understood what was going on.
I just emailed stbxah, I am sure pointlessly, asking him to please keep the kids out of this garbage. To take his money and move on. That he could lie to himself as much as he wanted but to stop manipulating our son, who has major trust issues and try to get him to stop trusting one of the few people he does trust.
I then emailed my attorney and told her what happened. I want to scream. Older DS has a brain disorder and needs support. I told her if it did not stop that I was going to ask that a Guardian ad Litem be appointed--which I would hate to do since the final divorce hearing is in 8 days and it would drag the thing out forever--which I think is what stbxah wants to do. He does not want to give up his source of income, his insurance policy, his only security blanket (me) so he is going to try other ways to hold on.
According to older DS his Dad was throwing money all over the place this weekend and DS hears me say that we are going to sort of be on a budget for a bit. stbxah is going to be in for a big surpirse when he finds out that when he goes to withdraw his money the day after the trial (or shortly after that)--that he will not be getting half of everything--he will only be getting half of what I have put there (not what the govenerment has matched) and then it will be taxed. So when all is said and done he will only be getting about 1/3 of what he thinks he is going to get--it is not even enough to cover the debt he is in. I wonder what he will do then?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Oh honey, I don't know what to say but I'm very sorry things are this way for you now. You're in the middle of the strom, and I can only imagine how tough all that is.
I hope once the divorce is settled, things will gradually improve.
I don't know what else to say but I have you in my thoughts and I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
HUGS
I hope once the divorce is settled, things will gradually improve.
I don't know what else to say but I have you in my thoughts and I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
HUGS
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Too bad he can't just move on, the kids are the ones that suffer from this type of crap. One thing I wanted to caution you about though, since you're still in litigation with a psychopath I would avoid putting anything down in writing (email) or leave any recorded messages.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: central texas
Posts: 146
All I can tell you is what people I trust have told me. That things will get better. There is a mountain with sunshine past this valley of darkness that you are in right now. I can understand the emotions, even if the personal circustances are slightly different from mine. Hang in there, I'll be praying for you. H
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I have never considered the use of "witchcraft" before, but God forgive me, sticking a pin in an image of some sort is becoming attractive right now.
It is bad enough, your stbxah is playing his weird mind games with you, but to do that to young kids, especially with their problems.....is revolting in the least.
I think the only thing you can do is (as you have done) keep your lawyer up to date, maybe see if there is any way you can legally muzzle the creep, try and keep your kids out of range of his poisonous drivel as much as possible, even refuse him contact with them if you can.
I hope you can get thru this divorce, without the hold ups stbxah seems to be trying to bring about.
God bless
It is bad enough, your stbxah is playing his weird mind games with you, but to do that to young kids, especially with their problems.....is revolting in the least.
I think the only thing you can do is (as you have done) keep your lawyer up to date, maybe see if there is any way you can legally muzzle the creep, try and keep your kids out of range of his poisonous drivel as much as possible, even refuse him contact with them if you can.
I hope you can get thru this divorce, without the hold ups stbxah seems to be trying to bring about.
God bless
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Meh - my XAH once called the police on me from his workplace (20 miles away) claiming he was concerned over the welfare of the children. What actually happened is that he was pissed off because I had hung up on hime.
When the officer arrived, I said, "What exactly is there to be worried about? One is at school and the other one is taking a nap!"
After a calm discussion of the state of our marriage with the officer, he gave me a quick look and said, "So - essentially your husband just got us to do his dirty work for him?" I said, "Yep".
He never pulled that again.
Get a copy of the police report on the incident by filing a Freedom of Information Act request with the police department. Document everything that the XH does from now on - phone calls, emails, discussions, specific incidents. Journal everything. It can save your a$$ later on when you need to recall specific details in case the guardian request goes really bad or you need to get an order of protection.
When the officer arrived, I said, "What exactly is there to be worried about? One is at school and the other one is taking a nap!"
After a calm discussion of the state of our marriage with the officer, he gave me a quick look and said, "So - essentially your husband just got us to do his dirty work for him?" I said, "Yep".
He never pulled that again.
Get a copy of the police report on the incident by filing a Freedom of Information Act request with the police department. Document everything that the XH does from now on - phone calls, emails, discussions, specific incidents. Journal everything. It can save your a$$ later on when you need to recall specific details in case the guardian request goes really bad or you need to get an order of protection.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
I'm sorry, Wife, but I can't help laughing at the thought of him crashing into a car whilst furiously hammering out an email to you on his Blackberry. And it being your fault! It's such a comical allegory of the whole situation, isn't it?
Hope this sorry mess is sorted out sooner rather than later and you can begin your new life with as much peace as possible.
Hope this sorry mess is sorted out sooner rather than later and you can begin your new life with as much peace as possible.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Agree with PurpleS completely, about records and journaling it all, especially calls to the kids. Is there anyone you can discuss his stupid and untrue comments to the children, after all they get upset at his words.....I do not know what is available over there, or what the legalities are which would apply to you and your situation.
God bless
God bless
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Originally Posted by wow1323 
I'm sorry I might of misunderstood, but did you say you called your son a loser? i'm not judging at all. I am just a litle confused.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Thanks everyone. I need to start documenting this stuff more than I am.
Jazz thanks for the warning about emails. I do need some contact with him because of the kids. Jad-I can't prevent visitation or I will be in contempt. Yes, sick but this whole process has been convoluted and sick.
My email to him fell on deaf ears. He basically turned everything back on himself. I could almost see the angels surrounding him lauding his greatness.
Purple squirrel-thanks for the advice about getting the police report. In fact I think I will also get the one from the previous week when I called because older DS picked up a stool and was going to hit me with it. He is not on the proper meds right now (and I am not sure if stbxah even gave him the one medication he is on over the weekend).
He will never change. I feel sorry for the kids. I can avoid them, they cannot. I may have to hire a private investigator to get proof of his alcohol and drug use. I wish on the day of court they would make us both pee in a cup or do a blood draw. Then they might see I am not making all this stuff up.
I am tired. I was up with my older son until well past midnight and then could not fall asleep for a couple hours. Slept a couple hours and work up so just got up and did work around the house.
I am going NC with stbxah except for child pick up arrangements and written notification of information regarding the kids.
I'm letting go and letting God. There seems to be nothing I can do. I need to step back and let HP take care of this.
Jazz thanks for the warning about emails. I do need some contact with him because of the kids. Jad-I can't prevent visitation or I will be in contempt. Yes, sick but this whole process has been convoluted and sick.
My email to him fell on deaf ears. He basically turned everything back on himself. I could almost see the angels surrounding him lauding his greatness.
Purple squirrel-thanks for the advice about getting the police report. In fact I think I will also get the one from the previous week when I called because older DS picked up a stool and was going to hit me with it. He is not on the proper meds right now (and I am not sure if stbxah even gave him the one medication he is on over the weekend).
He will never change. I feel sorry for the kids. I can avoid them, they cannot. I may have to hire a private investigator to get proof of his alcohol and drug use. I wish on the day of court they would make us both pee in a cup or do a blood draw. Then they might see I am not making all this stuff up.
I am tired. I was up with my older son until well past midnight and then could not fall asleep for a couple hours. Slept a couple hours and work up so just got up and did work around the house.
I am going NC with stbxah except for child pick up arrangements and written notification of information regarding the kids.
I'm letting go and letting God. There seems to be nothing I can do. I need to step back and let HP take care of this.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Wife, I hope you don't think I was making light of your difficult situation. That scenario just seemed so Curb Your Enthusiasm......
I think that NC except for purely practical matters would be a very good idea. I know that you feel understandably aggrieved with the position your are in yet it doesn't help the kids to be stuck in the middle anymore than they have to be. Can you get in touch with any divorced parents groups local to you that might have some handy tips about dealing with kids and the aftermath? Or maybe some other posters on here have some good links to literature?
Document everything and consider it to be a legal document (which it may well be). So, keep it factual with times and dates and verbatim quotes as much as possible. Perhaps get a ring binder and put lined sheets at the front which can serve as a diary and print off emails to put in the back, numbered and referenced in the diary. Put only fact rather than supposition eg "X was slurring words" or "X raised his voice" rather than "X sounded drunk" or "X has obviously been smoking pot". If you need to vent, then keep a journal. You may need to put this before a judge and you will have a lot more success with clear information, rather than one side of a he-said-she-said.
How old are your children?
Are you getting any help for yourself?
I think that NC except for purely practical matters would be a very good idea. I know that you feel understandably aggrieved with the position your are in yet it doesn't help the kids to be stuck in the middle anymore than they have to be. Can you get in touch with any divorced parents groups local to you that might have some handy tips about dealing with kids and the aftermath? Or maybe some other posters on here have some good links to literature?
Document everything and consider it to be a legal document (which it may well be). So, keep it factual with times and dates and verbatim quotes as much as possible. Perhaps get a ring binder and put lined sheets at the front which can serve as a diary and print off emails to put in the back, numbered and referenced in the diary. Put only fact rather than supposition eg "X was slurring words" or "X raised his voice" rather than "X sounded drunk" or "X has obviously been smoking pot". If you need to vent, then keep a journal. You may need to put this before a judge and you will have a lot more success with clear information, rather than one side of a he-said-she-said.
How old are your children?
Are you getting any help for yourself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Bolina my sons are 5 and 9. Both have attachment disorder along with other things so stbxah's behavior is even more damaging. My 9 year old is a big kids and can hurt me so without his meds-well there are safety issues. The main thing that needs to be done for his is to de-escalate once he blows.
My older son has a new psychiatrist-we see Thursday. I got to attachment thereapy with each of them twice a month. I was seeing a therapist-did not go this month. I think a call to her would be a good idea. In fact I grabbed her card off my counter this morning and put it in my purse.
My older son has a new psychiatrist-we see Thursday. I got to attachment thereapy with each of them twice a month. I was seeing a therapist-did not go this month. I think a call to her would be a good idea. In fact I grabbed her card off my counter this morning and put it in my purse.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Wow, wife, I don't have anything to add to all the great responses that you've already received, except "hold on, it'll be over soon enough", and "document the $hit out of everything that happens".
BIG *hugs* sent to you via cyberspace.
And, further to Jadmack's suggestion, here is what you can use to relieve the tension:
BIG *hugs* sent to you via cyberspace.
And, further to Jadmack's suggestion, here is what you can use to relieve the tension:
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Stick with the documentation.
I journal, partly because of the theraputic value,
partly because I write
and mostly because I can never remember what day what happend...
or where.
When you walk into a court room with a detailed list
of everything EVERY.THING. that's happend....
not like tv -
most judges take one look at it
and next thing you know -
order granted.
I just use the two magic words -=
there's somebody on here who had done it tooo,
I just can't remember who it was right this second -
"drug test".
Someone I remember reading on here got an order that he can't get the kids
without passing one.
Pardon the pun.
Doubtful you'll get that much
if he's not already on probation,
these things get nasty, don't they?
At least there's no doubt
you made the right decision.
I journal, partly because of the theraputic value,
partly because I write
and mostly because I can never remember what day what happend...
or where.
When you walk into a court room with a detailed list
of everything EVERY.THING. that's happend....
not like tv -
most judges take one look at it
and next thing you know -
order granted.
I just use the two magic words -=
there's somebody on here who had done it tooo,
I just can't remember who it was right this second -
"drug test".
Someone I remember reading on here got an order that he can't get the kids
without passing one.
Pardon the pun.
Doubtful you'll get that much
if he's not already on probation,
these things get nasty, don't they?
At least there's no doubt
you made the right decision.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Wife hon take a deep breath and two giant steps back, out of the mire.
He has hooked you and you are reacting. The more everyone reacts, the deeper you all get mired in it. Older DS cannot apparently control his reaction to the toxicity, can't ignore the alcoholic, but you can. Once I react, especially in anger, it snowballs on me and I get trapped in it. One of the first things I had to practice when I got into Recovery was pause and do not react.
He has hooked you and you are reacting. The more everyone reacts, the deeper you all get mired in it. Older DS cannot apparently control his reaction to the toxicity, can't ignore the alcoholic, but you can. Once I react, especially in anger, it snowballs on me and I get trapped in it. One of the first things I had to practice when I got into Recovery was pause and do not react.
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