AH got rid of all my belongings in house
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
AH got rid of all my belongings in house
After repeated attempts to get STBAXH to share his plan with me on how he would help me support kids while he is out of town for 3 months (cancer treatment) and after basically hearing nothing from him even via lawyer to lawyer I picked up the kids and drove them to my dad's house. We don't have a custody agreement in place so I'm allowed to take them, but it was devastating none the less to leave our home of 10 years.
Heard through the grapevine how livid he is.......
He left for treatment I assume.
Dad's house is across the country so this move was a big deal. I have been so sad about it, much crying. Oldest DS is not happy in his new school, misses his friends. I think he blames me. We have had many conversations about the "why" of everything but making it make sense to a 10 yr old is hard.
Left kids with parents and returned back to old house to finish the packing and to say goodbye to coworkers and friends.
Found myself locked out of house. Then when I picked that lock found myself locked out of master bedroom. Getting in there required a hammer and now we need a new door.
Discovered that all my personal and business belongings are "missing" from the home. EVERYTHING. I ran a business from our home for several years and all my expensive equipment is gone along with client paperwork, tax files etc.
He took all the spices and things like that in the kitchen, emptied the fridge and freezer, removed every canned good from the cupboard. Removed the big freezer from basement that was full of food.
I documented and photographed what was missing.
House was uninhabitable due to the amount of fleas in the home. Guess the poor dog has not been on flea preventative for a while. My kids where living there too when he had visitation just a few weeks ago. I spent $50 bombing the house twice.
We are losing the house and while I was there someone came from the Mort company to take pictures.
I did talk to my lawyer and a deputy sheriff from our county. He told me to file a writ of unlawful detainer, but when I googled that it seemed to be for something unrelated to my situation. I will go talk to clerk of court tomorrow anyway... and see what can be done.
The ironic (i guess) thing is that at the end of last week I got a call about a new job that would bring us (me & kids) back up to our home. The pay is just enough to get by if I'm very careful...
I said yes to job and am just waiting on a employment letter before I move kids. Tried to get into a rent controlled apt yesterday and was told that my credit was rejected.
So altho the job seemed like one step forward the credit things has me stressed out, can live in the house until the bank takes it. Will call Mort company tomorrow and see if they know when that will be.
Why would be do this? Is he that crazy/angry at me for leaving? I guess the good news is that while he's in the hospital he will be forced to be sober, even if it is just for a short while. That has to be a good thing.
Heard through the grapevine how livid he is.......
He left for treatment I assume.
Dad's house is across the country so this move was a big deal. I have been so sad about it, much crying. Oldest DS is not happy in his new school, misses his friends. I think he blames me. We have had many conversations about the "why" of everything but making it make sense to a 10 yr old is hard.
Left kids with parents and returned back to old house to finish the packing and to say goodbye to coworkers and friends.
Found myself locked out of house. Then when I picked that lock found myself locked out of master bedroom. Getting in there required a hammer and now we need a new door.
Discovered that all my personal and business belongings are "missing" from the home. EVERYTHING. I ran a business from our home for several years and all my expensive equipment is gone along with client paperwork, tax files etc.
He took all the spices and things like that in the kitchen, emptied the fridge and freezer, removed every canned good from the cupboard. Removed the big freezer from basement that was full of food.
I documented and photographed what was missing.
House was uninhabitable due to the amount of fleas in the home. Guess the poor dog has not been on flea preventative for a while. My kids where living there too when he had visitation just a few weeks ago. I spent $50 bombing the house twice.
We are losing the house and while I was there someone came from the Mort company to take pictures.
I did talk to my lawyer and a deputy sheriff from our county. He told me to file a writ of unlawful detainer, but when I googled that it seemed to be for something unrelated to my situation. I will go talk to clerk of court tomorrow anyway... and see what can be done.
The ironic (i guess) thing is that at the end of last week I got a call about a new job that would bring us (me & kids) back up to our home. The pay is just enough to get by if I'm very careful...
I said yes to job and am just waiting on a employment letter before I move kids. Tried to get into a rent controlled apt yesterday and was told that my credit was rejected.
So altho the job seemed like one step forward the credit things has me stressed out, can live in the house until the bank takes it. Will call Mort company tomorrow and see if they know when that will be.
Why would be do this? Is he that crazy/angry at me for leaving? I guess the good news is that while he's in the hospital he will be forced to be sober, even if it is just for a short while. That has to be a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
My heart goes out to you. What an upheaval for you all. I'm glad that you have lawyers working for you.
Who know why he did what he did? Anger at you perhaps? Something to do with his fear around the cancer? I hope you get some answers as to where your belongings can be found.
Don't count on the sober in hospital thing. I have a friend who works as our local hospital and she says that they have no end of trouble with patients drinking the alcohol hand gel and mouthwash that they buy from the hospital shop. Here's hoping, though.
Who know why he did what he did? Anger at you perhaps? Something to do with his fear around the cancer? I hope you get some answers as to where your belongings can be found.
Don't count on the sober in hospital thing. I have a friend who works as our local hospital and she says that they have no end of trouble with patients drinking the alcohol hand gel and mouthwash that they buy from the hospital shop. Here's hoping, though.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Very sorry to read that.
But I know exactly how that feels.
To have everything -= everyting but your clothes you're wearing taken by a STBX.
Police - aren't lawyers.
Could be why he told you something that probably isn't even related.
It's hard
but tomorrow - you can call your lawyer.
Very sorry.
But
when you DO get new stuff
(and you will)
it will be YOURS.
But I know exactly how that feels.
To have everything -= everyting but your clothes you're wearing taken by a STBX.
Police - aren't lawyers.
Could be why he told you something that probably isn't even related.
It's hard
but tomorrow - you can call your lawyer.
Very sorry.
But
when you DO get new stuff
(and you will)
it will be YOURS.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
will it not be distressing to move back into the house, only to be thrown out of the house when the bank takes it? plus, what if he comes back there after his treatment?
perhaps your father could co-sign on an apartment with you?
or what about a job in your new location? could you stay with your father longer and perhaps find work near there?
naive
perhaps your father could co-sign on an apartment with you?
or what about a job in your new location? could you stay with your father longer and perhaps find work near there?
naive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
Yes it's possible he did put my stuff in storage. But this wasn't a situation of him kindly moving my stuff to protect it from being thrown onto the street. He only removed my belongings and anything that was important to me. Everything else it still there.
I am praying that my stuff is safe and that I will get it all back.
Actually discovered someone who might have been involved and will have a sit down chat with him tomorrow.
Yes, naive. Everything you said is true. I am scared to move back in house, yes it will foreclose and be taken from us. And yes I fully expect that he will try to move back in just to screw with me.
This decision to stay or go is very hard for me right now. A job like this is not available in the small town my family lives in, and neither is the pay. I can't decide which is right for me and my children.
I made the pros/cons list and still cannot decide.
I am praying that my stuff is safe and that I will get it all back.
Actually discovered someone who might have been involved and will have a sit down chat with him tomorrow.
Yes, naive. Everything you said is true. I am scared to move back in house, yes it will foreclose and be taken from us. And yes I fully expect that he will try to move back in just to screw with me.
This decision to stay or go is very hard for me right now. A job like this is not available in the small town my family lives in, and neither is the pay. I can't decide which is right for me and my children.
I made the pros/cons list and still cannot decide.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
Oh Barb you're killing me...
Sometimes I feel like staying is forcing a square peg through a round hole, but then again I could make an equally good argument for why staying is the right choice too.
I know, this too shall pass, a decision will get made. It will be right and my life will continue moving forward. Just a little painful right now.
Sometimes I feel like staying is forcing a square peg through a round hole, but then again I could make an equally good argument for why staying is the right choice too.
I know, this too shall pass, a decision will get made. It will be right and my life will continue moving forward. Just a little painful right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 90
Well that's easy, staying and continuing my life is what makes me happy. Really happy.
The move has made me very unhappy and I did it because I felt like there was no alternative so it was really a "need" situation. New job changes that somewhat... if I find the right house to live in, if childcare is affordable, if, if....
Thanks for talking this through with me.... if it were just me it would be easy, but i have two sweet little boys to consider too.
The move has made me very unhappy and I did it because I felt like there was no alternative so it was really a "need" situation. New job changes that somewhat... if I find the right house to live in, if childcare is affordable, if, if....
Thanks for talking this through with me.... if it were just me it would be easy, but i have two sweet little boys to consider too.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
SheCan,
Just one thing: Kids are flexible...they soon make new friends and settle in just fine. Believe me, my kid has moved many many times between me working contract jobs and this mess with my AH. So don't stress too much over that particular issue at least.
Just one thing: Kids are flexible...they soon make new friends and settle in just fine. Believe me, my kid has moved many many times between me working contract jobs and this mess with my AH. So don't stress too much over that particular issue at least.
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