Financial mediation tomorrow
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
If I stayed married to him my financial state could have gotten worse. We have been apart for 1 year and in that time he has run up $25,000 in credit card debt. We refinished our house a year before I filed because he had run up $30,000 in credit card debt.
One thing I don't have to worry about anymore (and I posted about this once--unsure what to do)--he will not be on my health insurance policy as of the end of this month. So sort of what goes around, comes around. I offered him a legal separation before I left and he swore at me. Now he will have to get his own policy and pay his own premiums, for his own medication and anything else he may need somewhere down the line. My only condition when I offered this was that he leave my penson alone. Well, evil me now says--great you got half my pension--now you can use it to pay your medical bills and it is not going to last long.
One thing I don't have to worry about anymore (and I posted about this once--unsure what to do)--he will not be on my health insurance policy as of the end of this month. So sort of what goes around, comes around. I offered him a legal separation before I left and he swore at me. Now he will have to get his own policy and pay his own premiums, for his own medication and anything else he may need somewhere down the line. My only condition when I offered this was that he leave my penson alone. Well, evil me now says--great you got half my pension--now you can use it to pay your medical bills and it is not going to last long.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids 
Well mediation went about 1000% worse than I could have imagined. He got 43% of my pension. Got his chlid support lowered AND does not have to pay a dime in variable expenses. Why? Because they said in all reality I cannot force him to look for work anymore than I can force him to stop drinking, drugging and being violent.
So I went in and came out in much worse shape because he is a complete slime. I think there is a special place in hell for people like him. Needless to say I am not thinking even remotely fond thoughts of him right now.
The only good thing that came out of it is he was told he needed to buy basic essentials for the kids-like clothes. His attorney tried to argue I could just send some over and he could return them--my response was-well I tried that and he did not return them and I am not buying the kids new clothes every 2 monhts on the pittance of child support he isn now paying.
I know I cannot change this and my attorney said my case was exactly the type of case where the law could be manipulated so eventhough he is a drunken doped violent ass-NO ONE CARES!
I took the rest of the day of because I feel so ill.
So I went in and came out in much worse shape because he is a complete slime. I think there is a special place in hell for people like him. Needless to say I am not thinking even remotely fond thoughts of him right now.
The only good thing that came out of it is he was told he needed to buy basic essentials for the kids-like clothes. His attorney tried to argue I could just send some over and he could return them--my response was-well I tried that and he did not return them and I am not buying the kids new clothes every 2 monhts on the pittance of child support he isn now paying.
I know I cannot change this and my attorney said my case was exactly the type of case where the law could be manipulated so eventhough he is a drunken doped violent ass-NO ONE CARES!
I took the rest of the day of because I feel so ill.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
I still cannot fathom how a world with people smart enough to fly to outer space and back, and solve very difficult puzzles.....can't figure a way to see that someone who bludges of their spouse, drinks their way thru life, ruining their and family's life in the process, forcing sober spouse to pay the tab....does not get a cent of sober spouses wage, retirement benefits or whatever.
It seems to reward the pain in the butt, for being a pain in the butt....and punish the working spouse as well as take from others in the family, and for what?
So butt ache can remain one and drink themselves into their grave.
Someone hand me a straight jacket, it must be ME who is mad.
God bless
It seems to reward the pain in the butt, for being a pain in the butt....and punish the working spouse as well as take from others in the family, and for what?
So butt ache can remain one and drink themselves into their grave.
Someone hand me a straight jacket, it must be ME who is mad.
God bless
Really, would someone (lawyer type) explain this to me, I'm a kidder, but I'm serious now, Lexie, Noday?
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by tjp613
That is just so %#*@ wrong!!!!! In that case, send him over a huge bottle of Vodka and benzos as a parting gift.
but without health insurance, he will find out how much it costs to be a drunken sick mess.
or go without, and uh, hmm, end his misery.
there.
okay wife2kids,
:ghug3
you keep doing the next right thing, you will be amazed at the miracles that will fall in your lap.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I'm hoping that a baby grand piano or a large boulder suddenly falls on him...It's so bloody ridiculous how the law can be warped and used in this way. I'm with you though: the way he's drinking, it won't be long before his health gives out and then...watch out! I wonder how much a liver transplant costs...
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by wicked
you keep doing the next right thing, you will be amazed at the miracles that will fall in your lap.
Basically said so he gets to be a lazy sack, drunk stoner who gets violent and doesn't want to work-causing me to leave with the kids. He gets to quit any job just cuz. . .while I continue to work hard in a stable job (even take on a 2nd job so we don't lose the house), take care of 2 kids with fairly serious mental health issues yet I am the one penalized. Huh?
Response from the mediator--we all know he is a major loser but you are not able to get him to stop his bad behavior and we will not be able to force him to get a job. Don't waste your time or your money trying. Yes, this is all unfair but it is legal.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
This is all part of the reason why I have never believed in marriage. Growing up I watched my mother struggle to take care of ALL the family responsibilities, a gaggle of kids, the house, at poverty level, no heat, no washing machine or dryer, I could go on, all while my father sat and drank. NO. THANKS.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Everybody--thank you for making me laugh. I need to laugh at how ridiculous this is (and the thoughts of grand pianos, parting gifts and liver transplants while perhaps somewhat. . .extreme--they are making me laugh).
They also said they doubted he would ever get a decent church job anymore because word is out and no one wants to hire him. Also, once word gets out of how slimey he is being in the divorce and making every effort to NOT support his children--well, he is not going to be making any friends and the old enablers will be there cheering him on.
Can you just imagine the look on his face when his attorney came back and told him how much money he was going to walk off with?? Probably was like that guy in Indiana Jones when he looks inside the Ark of the Covenant. Unfortunately the same results will not ensue once he gets his hands on the cash!
The cash is not bugging me as much as him getting to take the 9 years of service. On the other hand--I have a 5 year old--I won't be retiring any time soon.
They also said they doubted he would ever get a decent church job anymore because word is out and no one wants to hire him. Also, once word gets out of how slimey he is being in the divorce and making every effort to NOT support his children--well, he is not going to be making any friends and the old enablers will be there cheering him on.
Can you just imagine the look on his face when his attorney came back and told him how much money he was going to walk off with?? Probably was like that guy in Indiana Jones when he looks inside the Ark of the Covenant. Unfortunately the same results will not ensue once he gets his hands on the cash!
The cash is not bugging me as much as him getting to take the 9 years of service. On the other hand--I have a 5 year old--I won't be retiring any time soon.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
L2L--my attorney, as we rode down the elevator tried to lighten the mood by reminding me that I could not get married for 6 months after the divorce was final. I just rolled my eyes and said--yep, thing I am done with the marriage thing.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Negotiating a divorce is a game of chess, not checkers.
I say "SAVE YOUR ASS"...get what you can out of this b@[email protected] what you can for those KIDS!!
I say "SAVE YOUR ASS"...get what you can out of this b@[email protected] what you can for those KIDS!!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Basically I was told I have gotten all I am going to get out of him at this point.
On a positive note--real estate friend just called and I told her what happened and asked if she had any clients who needed wallpaper removed
Had to do that at our old house and it is a pain. . .she said she would call me back. Called back and she wants me to do some work for her--as much or as little as I want writing, doing some photography and videography for her website. So we are getting together to talk and take it from there. She told me she is so overworked she has no life and has been outsourcing to someone in a different state.
I'm going to give it a shot. We both agreed that we would try it and both decide if it was working and NO HARD FEELINGS if either one of us decided it was not since we are friends and would not be worth losing the friendship. We both are pretty grown up and speak our mind so it sounds like it could work fine.
On a positive note--real estate friend just called and I told her what happened and asked if she had any clients who needed wallpaper removed
Had to do that at our old house and it is a pain. . .she said she would call me back. Called back and she wants me to do some work for her--as much or as little as I want writing, doing some photography and videography for her website. So we are getting together to talk and take it from there. She told me she is so overworked she has no life and has been outsourcing to someone in a different state.I'm going to give it a shot. We both agreed that we would try it and both decide if it was working and NO HARD FEELINGS if either one of us decided it was not since we are friends and would not be worth losing the friendship. We both are pretty grown up and speak our mind so it sounds like it could work fine.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
My husband could not make us in any more financial position as we are now. We are bankrupt. We are filing in December. I am able to pay to keep the house so kids won't be uprooted right now. He will be on my insurance until my kids are old enough then they come off so I'm going to find out if I have to carry him after. He is very unhealthy. Maybe the piano will fall on him. lol
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Where is a good hit man when you really need him?
Why should anyone bother working at all?
Bone idle boozers and such can bludge for years, then when the working spouse goes for freedom, these leeches snatch half the WS hard earned.
And we reckon we are a civilized society, sheesh, it is no better than cave man days.
God bless
Why should anyone bother working at all?
Bone idle boozers and such can bludge for years, then when the working spouse goes for freedom, these leeches snatch half the WS hard earned.
And we reckon we are a civilized society, sheesh, it is no better than cave man days.
God bless
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I'm seething so I'm having difficulty typing a coherent sentence. This one took me 5 minutes, and I chipped a nail from pounding the keys.
I am trying to see the positives and it's a stretch.
I take it he took the pay out and won't be waiting around for you to age gracefully.
So for sure, I believe he'll blow through his little windfall faster than the speed of sound and the bright side is that this is his last trip to the well. Thank God.
In this economy and without health insurance, he'll be flat broke soon enough. Once my XABF got on a roll of spending, he just couldn't stop himself.
If it were me, I'd be sure to play a little state lottery or play some Bingo at the local lodge because once the divorce is signed off, any windfall you receive is yours, yours, yours. He has no claim on you now!!
Good for you for seeing your way through this whatever the outcome. Keep your head up. And as you have discovered, you can find more of what the world has to offer you when are finally ready for it and it sounds as if you are. I hope the new work is a fit for both you and your friend and evolves into something fun and fruitful.
In friendship,
Alice
I am trying to see the positives and it's a stretch.
I take it he took the pay out and won't be waiting around for you to age gracefully.
So for sure, I believe he'll blow through his little windfall faster than the speed of sound and the bright side is that this is his last trip to the well. Thank God.
In this economy and without health insurance, he'll be flat broke soon enough. Once my XABF got on a roll of spending, he just couldn't stop himself.
If it were me, I'd be sure to play a little state lottery or play some Bingo at the local lodge because once the divorce is signed off, any windfall you receive is yours, yours, yours. He has no claim on you now!!
Good for you for seeing your way through this whatever the outcome. Keep your head up. And as you have discovered, you can find more of what the world has to offer you when are finally ready for it and it sounds as if you are. I hope the new work is a fit for both you and your friend and evolves into something fun and fruitful.
In friendship,
Alice
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Wife2kids, sending you hugs.
I'm looking at a similar situation with my STBXAH and my pension. I don't have as much time or money invested in the pension yet, but it's my hard work for pete's sake! I'm having a hard time remembering that what ever he gets, it should be well worth it to have him further out of my life. Some days it's easy to remember that and other days I feel like stamping my feet and yelling, "But it's not fair! Not fair! Not fair! I supported his drunk a-- for years, had to scrape together enough to keep a roof over our head, pay utilities and to feed our son, and now I'll have to keep supporting his drunk a-- when we're old(er)."
When talking about dividing the assets (basically, it's just my pension, but he might have been contributing to a 401k with his job, which by some miracle he held for 2 years) and I brought up his non-payment of child support, his not contributing to our living expenses for years even when living under the same roof, etc., my lawyer said "You know he's and a--hole, right? That's not going to change."
Wishing you peace and strength.
I'm looking at a similar situation with my STBXAH and my pension. I don't have as much time or money invested in the pension yet, but it's my hard work for pete's sake! I'm having a hard time remembering that what ever he gets, it should be well worth it to have him further out of my life. Some days it's easy to remember that and other days I feel like stamping my feet and yelling, "But it's not fair! Not fair! Not fair! I supported his drunk a-- for years, had to scrape together enough to keep a roof over our head, pay utilities and to feed our son, and now I'll have to keep supporting his drunk a-- when we're old(er)."
When talking about dividing the assets (basically, it's just my pension, but he might have been contributing to a 401k with his job, which by some miracle he held for 2 years) and I brought up his non-payment of child support, his not contributing to our living expenses for years even when living under the same roof, etc., my lawyer said "You know he's and a--hole, right? That's not going to change."
Wishing you peace and strength.
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