seekingcalm

I just want to say thank you to all of you. I went to the barbeque with all of your words in my head, and I felt so much better.
It's true, I felt courageous, and good about myself, I am growing and learning about myself and I felt proud of that.
I realized too from your responses that I have been recovering, and putting that first in my life, and when I let my exABF back in, and he was not making HIS recovery his first priority, we were at odds. I would have liked things to work out differently, but I cannot control his recovery. So I am left alone to focus on mine. But this was my choice, and although every day is not easy, I am ok.
The barbeque was fine, I stayed in the moment, and chatted with everyone, and I had a very nice time.
Thanks to all of you, and my HP.

coffeedrinker

I identify with this. I said many times, "I wish for us to grow and recover together, side by side". He was always in agreement, but his idea of what that looked like and mine were quite different.

I also realized that I was getting some ego needs met when everyone oohed and aahed over how great his "girl" was - a real stand-by-you-man I was. If I had a dollar for everyone in his life who told one of us how "good" I was for him. And this even from the counselors - he was very fortunate and he blew it.