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This is a never ending circle of pain and I donīt know what else 2 do! please help me

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This is a never ending circle of pain and I donīt know what else 2 do! please help me

Old 09-06-2010, 09:14 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi

I only want to add that it took me 22 years to hit my bottom with my AH. He has only been gone 4 days but I realized that I can't save him. It's not my fault. It's not the kids fault. Everytime I had him come back I always thought it would be different. He would be good for about a month then back to same old, same old.

I have yet to hear from him. I texted him yesterday and he texted back. Today I have no reason to text him and he hasn't texted me. He hasn't even called the kids since he left. They are 15. Come on. If he does text me and if the text needs an answer, he can wait about 24 hours for my reply.

It took me 22 years to realize how choatic my life has been and what it has done to my children (my daughter is depressive and previously was a cutter, hasn't in a while)

So please, change your number, keep your phone on silent. You don't want to waste your life in the choas.
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Old 09-07-2010, 09:38 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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he keeps saying that Iīm the love of his life and that he will not give up on me
An alcoholic who was SUPPOSED to be my BF, who has said these EXACT words time and again, had sex with AT LEAST one person other than me, at least every six months over the course of a year and a half. He STILL says these things to me now a year and a half after I cut him out of my life.
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:33 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bucyn View Post
Block the number, delete the texts, and if he gets through on another number that isn't blocked, just hang up as soon as you know it's him.
Originally Posted by Bucyn View Post
Harassment is not love. Stalking is not love. Calling 100 times a day is not love. Love is very different.
Originally Posted by Bucyn View Post
He's trying to force you into being what he wants you to be, ignoring what you are. That's not love. If he loved you, he'd let you go. He can't let you go because he believes he owns you.
Originally Posted by Bucyn View Post
As soon as he finds someone else to cater to his neediness, he'll drop you like a hot rock.
Bucyn, you're the man! Or, um, the woman.

Alejandra...it seems that your relationship with this person is like an addiction...you keep going back for more even though you know it's toxic for you. If you think of it this way, it's a lot easier to force yourself to remain in NO CONTACT. Your strategy of coming to SR everytime he calls or texts is a great one! I did the same thing when I left my X husband.

Keep reading and posting here. And have his number/email blocked; you'll sleep better.
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:38 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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It is so hard to get the reality of some things for example what Bucyn said about
"Harassment is not love. Stalking is not love. Calling 100 times a day is not love. Love is very different. "
and deep inside I know thatīs so true because if he doesnīt even loves himself how can he loves someone else? it hurts to know that but is true he was just using me because he knew that I was his complete support and that I always did everything for him!!

He often said:
" PROMISE THAT THIS WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!! EVER!!"
and now Iīm starting to realize that I donīt deserve that kind of life full of lies and broken promises and again Iīm so thankful to all of you guys because Iīve been 5 days without answering his calls or texts even though he sents me lots of text I simply donīt respond him and it hurts sometimes more and sometimes less but Iīm trying to be strong that way I can get out of this crazy live forever!!

I love him with all of my heart but I really hope I can be strong enough to stay away from him
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Old 09-07-2010, 02:05 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Sometimes letting go is the greatest act of love there is. For yourself and for your alcoholic loved one.
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Old 09-08-2010, 08:42 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I was on vacations from work but I'm back today and I feel really nervous because he works in the building right next to mine and I don't want to see him that will make everything sooo much harder
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Old 09-09-2010, 06:17 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I can't believe how much this place has help me to stop everytime I feel like responding a call or a text this place is really a blessing
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:16 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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works in the building right next to mine and I don't want to see him that will make everything sooo much harder
When you see crazy coming, cross the street!
-Iyanla VanZant
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:22 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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You need to do the visual equivalent of this:

Nope, you didn't see him. And if he talks to you, nope you didn't hear a thing. If he insists, tell him ONCE: "I'm done talking to you. Leave me alone".

As we say in French, "POINT FINAL, C'EST TOUT!" (i.e. that's it, that's all).

No contact will be your saving grace.
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:36 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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When my X would leave a message my therapist said...."it's just a voice"....."loving him with all your heart"....I realized this just wasn't true anymore.....that was magical thinking or what I wanted him to be, not who he really was! Who he really was was someone who was very selfish, who would lie, who just wanted to drink and drug and I was second to that.
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:36 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Ooh, I LOVE that NoDay! Thank you. I wrote it on a Post-It and will use it next time I need to!
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Old 09-11-2010, 11:56 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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It's been 10 days since I broke up with him and I feel strong thanks to this page and thanks to God.... today I received a call from a unknown # and it was him and he said please help me to get out of my crazy life and he said that I was the most wonderful thing that he ever had and I told him that I wasn't able to help him that the only person that can help him is himself and God I only wished him good luck and I hung up the phone.... I feel so sad and desperate but I know that I will be good because God is on my side and I know that reading all of your advises will get me thru this!
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Old 09-11-2010, 12:09 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Way to go, Alejandra. What you did is hard, I know, but you did it for the right reasons! For both of you.

Sad and desparate are normal feelings right now. Keep coming here, and keep trusting in God to get you through this so that you're taking care of yourself. Stay strong! Hugs to you.
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Old 09-11-2010, 12:12 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I posted earlier on this thread and I am having a hard time with no contact. It's been about 8 days since he left and today he did text me but I did not ignore it. I told him that he needs to be sober and in treatment to come back. That was hard for me. I also said that I was getting the house ready to sell. He always wanted me to sell and move out of the city but I didn't want to move with him while still drinking. I told him that if he is in treatment and sober then he MIGHT be able to come with us. Either way, I'm am selling and moving on with my life.

I understand it's very hard to let go but you are doing a good job!!! Keep it up.

Me, I'm supposed to be cleaning out a closet cuz trash day is on Monday and want to start throwing things away so it will be easier to move. But I am on here right now because I need to support that I am doing the right thing. Moving on. Telling him he can't come back unless sober and in treatment. I have positive plans in the future even without him. It's hard because everywhere I look I see him and it would have been easy for me to say come home. But I didn't. I'm so proud of myself. I am depressed now but I know that as each day passes I will get better. And my kids will get better.

Keep up the good work.
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Old 09-14-2010, 06:24 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Iīm so sad today I miss him more than ever... I was going to lunch today and he just passed by and touched me and said I love u and miss u! I just kept walking but this was awful I just wanted to gave him a hug but I know that I have to be strong! this is getting harder and harder
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Old 09-14-2010, 06:33 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Keep doing what you need to do Alejandra to take care of you. I am sorry you are sad. Can you avoid him when you see him? I liked what you posted earlier how you know you cannot help him, only God. That comforted me to read that so thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have a strong faith. you can do this!
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:55 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Stay strong, you are helping him by letting go and letting God. You really are.
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:59 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Alejandra View Post
it was him and he said please help me to get out of my crazy life and he said that I was the most wonderful thing that he ever had and I told him that I wasn't able to help him that the only person that can help him is himself
YES!

oh, it's so hard. but think: you may very well be the very best that's ever come his way. ok. that in itself does NOT make a relationship work.
when we were 15 we might have believed that love makes a relationship. we now know better.

if what you (in your heart) wish for, is a relationship....then it's simply not happenin. how can it, with him so messed up?

he is used to you reaching out to catch him when he falls. that is what mommies do for their tiny children. if that is the dynamic with you two -- how healthy is that???

you keep staying strong, honey. you'll make it.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:23 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Thanks for all of your support really thanks!! Today I received a text from him that upset me but at the same time when I was reading it I thought that my desition was the best thing I ever did, the text said exactly the following: "I hope youīre having a great time with your new boyfriend my best wishes 4 you girl I hope that motherf*%&r treats you better than I did bye 4ever"!

The last thing that I want to know right now are man!! Thank God I broke up with him he is really crazy and I donīt deserve that kind of life!

Thanks to this website and thank to God I will keep strong and I will move on!
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