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MIL is slingin' the mud

Old 09-01-2010, 08:23 PM
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MIL is slingin' the mud

I heard earlier tonight that my mother in law has been chatting with my sister in law on facebook...They were calling me a crazy bitch...and they seem to think they need to tell my stbx all the things I have done bad to him...Dealing with his alcoholism...I have done a few things that I am not proud of...I threw his tools away once....broke a few cell phones....

I feel like I have lost another family member tonight...my sister in law....

I know things that would shock both of them, but I have no desire to sling the mud back...

I have been crying since I left work today....I'm just venting...They are trying to hurt me to make themselves feell better...I feel like my world has gotten smaller and smaller...Who can you trust in this world?

With my stbx...I knew what to expect from him...With this I was blindsided....I tried to do the right thing.....

I'm going to hold on to the litle world that I have left.....Tomorrow will be a better day....Still lookin' for the lesson here.....
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:49 PM
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Unfortunately alcholism runs deep within families. My AH and I have not spoken to his mum (my MIL) for 19 years and it has been very peaceful. My FIL was an alcoholic and my MIL had been living in that toxic environment for many years without getting help for herself. She has never recognised her own bad behaviours over the years that we were still in touch, and my MIL's own toxic behaviours were too much for us to deal with and we went our seperate ways. Best descision we ever made.

To be honest, I wouldnt stress out too much about not having MIL and SIL in your life, they are obviously not 'good' people to be around and worth having in your life.

Too often we keep so called 'family' in our lives who are untrustworthy, bitter etc because they are 'family' - try making some new friends who are 'good' people to be around. I am slowly getting a nice 'new' circle of friends by attending Al-anon and an acappella singing group. Get yourself out there and try new things and put your ex and you ex's family far behind you.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:55 PM
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but I have no desire to sling the mud back...
this is good erica, because you would only be stepping up onto jerry springers stage to get the beatdown of your life.

i found this out myself the hard way, my in laws, my childrens only relatives in this state shut them out of their lives. if they preferred not to deal with me, okay, i got that, but why the kids too?
because i was the "outsider" who once dared to believe i was a member of the family.
it hurts. but you will get over it, and it sounds like they might enjoy this kind of drama.
step out the soundstage and start your own life.

beth
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Old 09-01-2010, 09:08 PM
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We can choose our friends, but relatives are thrust upon us. I have a few who I would not choose as friends, and a couple who I am greatly blessed by NOT having had contact for nigh on 40 years.....may it continue thus.

Now you know that your SIL is as bad as MIL, and if they are in contact with STBX it puts them in his camp, one you want out of. She wants to be pally with folks like this, then she is not the friend for you.

As for some of the things you did to STBX, well....he should be grateful that tools and mobile phones got it, and he didn't. Obviously he had pushed you a bit further than was safe, so be it......now he will be free to play his game with someone else and you will be free of him and his games.

Let SIL, MIL and their FB bitch session fade into nothingness, and go pamper yourself for being who you are....someone who doesn't need to bitch to feel ok.

God bless
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Old 09-02-2010, 10:02 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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block 'em.

fb is crap when it comes to this kind of mind game stuff.

When I signed on,
I went through and found my exes
(and a few others I want NO contact with)

... and blocked 'em.

Now they can't see me - and I don't have to see them.

Of course it hurts.
To not be hurt would not be human.

At the same time -
we need to know who our friends are.
And who our friends ... aren't.

I'm sorry to see anyone hurt by people they trusted.

I'm also happy to see people move on.

Let's move on!!
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:09 PM
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Hugs. I know that my in-laws will be the same way when I leave AH. No one in AH's family has ever seen him drunk. They know that I left him once over it, but I don't think they really understood why he moved back with them (I think they 'just' thought he went too far when drinking one night...), and I don't think they realize the extent of his addiction. I think they might even still be under the impression that he does not drink. They are very anti-alcohol, so it rarely, if ever, comes up in conversation and AH does not drink when we go to visit (note that these visits are short). I expect my SIL to be very mean, and I expect my MIL to be direct. I really don't know how my FIL will react.
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Old 09-02-2010, 08:18 PM
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Well...I blocked them both from my facebook....My sil did call my ex today with her list of things that I have done to him....Some true...some not...I fessed up to the ones I did.....The others were lies....It actually felt good to tell the truth.....He said...I would have done far worse if I were you....So he and I laughed....

So, I am done with them and all the drama....No more sadness....One of you told me it's time to move on....I agree...Thank you all for listening to my rantings.....
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:12 PM
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If it helps in anyway I don't care about them at all, but care a lot about you.
FB sucks indeed, all the gossip and hurt that goes on there gives me a heartache.
There are many, many people that you can trust for real. I hope you allow yourself to welcome them in your life. I hurt a great deal when I know someone is badmouthing me especially someone I trusted, but it saves time in the long run! perhaps there are new people that you need to know and they need to know and learn from you, and God didn't want you to keep losing time. It is something many here have in common...we start changing little things within... and many people get out of our lives... and new ones, healthier ones take their place... its all good and much better... you are just in the "in between"... cheers!
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:18 PM
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I'm very VERY selective about who I allow on my fb.

I'veg turned down peole in my local group as well -
just cuz....

the drama has to stop.
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