treatment or death
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
treatment or death
Had a long discussion with AH today. He says he's afraid of his drinking, that when he tries to quit he has awful physical reactions. and was thinking of checking into a freaking treatment center. He even had the phone numbers of a detox facility, I wrote about it years ago and he looked it up. So what I say.
Still it's bizarre, which is a trademark of practicing A's, bizarre behavoir. Until I see change, I'll call it quacking. I'm not worried about second guessing his motives, he's clearly scared and was afriad to talk to me. I just listened and said, well i hope this doesn't kill you but it's all up to you. I can't help.
He's clearly being honest about being afraid. It also helps that I"m detached, mostly wtih love, not badgering him about his drinking, not living with him and it helps that when he doesn't have the kids he's drinking himself stupid, so it's progressing quickly. He has perminant rash on his feet and hands. I"ve seen this kill plenty of folks, good friends, family, and will begin to prepare for him to continue deeper into his addiciton, but I was doing that anyway. As much as I can.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried about him and not hopeful that he'll go into treatment, but it's really none of my business except how it relates to the kids. If he manages to get himself into treatment I'll support him 100% but ain't holding my breath.
Still, I'm sending up prayers for him. He may annoy me with his idiocy, but he's got it so much worse than I do. Thank the heavens I"m not fighting a drug or alcohol addiction. It's powerful, ugly stuff.
Still it's bizarre, which is a trademark of practicing A's, bizarre behavoir. Until I see change, I'll call it quacking. I'm not worried about second guessing his motives, he's clearly scared and was afriad to talk to me. I just listened and said, well i hope this doesn't kill you but it's all up to you. I can't help.
He's clearly being honest about being afraid. It also helps that I"m detached, mostly wtih love, not badgering him about his drinking, not living with him and it helps that when he doesn't have the kids he's drinking himself stupid, so it's progressing quickly. He has perminant rash on his feet and hands. I"ve seen this kill plenty of folks, good friends, family, and will begin to prepare for him to continue deeper into his addiciton, but I was doing that anyway. As much as I can.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried about him and not hopeful that he'll go into treatment, but it's really none of my business except how it relates to the kids. If he manages to get himself into treatment I'll support him 100% but ain't holding my breath.
Still, I'm sending up prayers for him. He may annoy me with his idiocy, but he's got it so much worse than I do. Thank the heavens I"m not fighting a drug or alcohol addiction. It's powerful, ugly stuff.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Transform, could be just quacking to try and draw you back in, then again it may be the light from the tunnel's end has hit him, and scared the heck out of him. I suppose you wait and see what action he takes, and that is a hard thing to do as I found out when RABF was in this position.
My hands itched to get involved as always, and "do the job properly." I managed to keep them off him, remained NC and prayed as never before, for us both. He sought help and has remained sober, is working his recovery, and even gave up smoking after 50 years, and I followed suit.
He reckons smoking is a bigger hurdle than alcohol for him, and he sometimes would almost kill for a cigarette, and oh, can I ever relate to that feeling.
I really got very surprised at his staying the course, after all, it seemed in the past that the smallest blip had him relapsing, but this time he's remained on the wagon, no booze or cigs, and has copped a big blip in suffering from Ulcerative Colitis for the past 2 months. To be honest, if I had this shocker of a problem, I would have caved in to either drinking or smoking, or both.
The addicts I have known continually amazed me, in that, I have thought I knew them so well and could predict their actions......only to have them leave me gobsmacked when they did something totally opposite to what I had expected.
Maybe your AH will drink himself in deeper, trying to outdrink his fears......maybe he will go thru a rehab and do a program, embrace AA and recovery and get his life back, or he could do something else again.....who knows?
All you can do is keep on doing as you are, and that is not as easy as it sounds.
I have you both in my prayers.
God bless
My hands itched to get involved as always, and "do the job properly." I managed to keep them off him, remained NC and prayed as never before, for us both. He sought help and has remained sober, is working his recovery, and even gave up smoking after 50 years, and I followed suit.
He reckons smoking is a bigger hurdle than alcohol for him, and he sometimes would almost kill for a cigarette, and oh, can I ever relate to that feeling.
I really got very surprised at his staying the course, after all, it seemed in the past that the smallest blip had him relapsing, but this time he's remained on the wagon, no booze or cigs, and has copped a big blip in suffering from Ulcerative Colitis for the past 2 months. To be honest, if I had this shocker of a problem, I would have caved in to either drinking or smoking, or both.
The addicts I have known continually amazed me, in that, I have thought I knew them so well and could predict their actions......only to have them leave me gobsmacked when they did something totally opposite to what I had expected.
Maybe your AH will drink himself in deeper, trying to outdrink his fears......maybe he will go thru a rehab and do a program, embrace AA and recovery and get his life back, or he could do something else again.....who knows?
All you can do is keep on doing as you are, and that is not as easy as it sounds.
I have you both in my prayers.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Transformyself,
I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. We can hold some hope for them, can't we? Not our breath, but some hope. Many do recover, we just dont know who will. That is the terrible part , to me.
hugs,
chicory
I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. We can hold some hope for them, can't we? Not our breath, but some hope. Many do recover, we just dont know who will. That is the terrible part , to me.
hugs,
chicory
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
My first husband got sober when said I couldn't take it anymore, and I needed a break from the relationship.
I don't think it was the threat of losing me that did it (he had already made some attempts to quit on his own and had gone to one AA meeting), but I sure think it helped that I wasn't there to "supervise" the early days of his recovery. He never picked up another drink in 30 years. He was just scared enough of his own downward spiral (he was REALLY BAD at age 21 when he got sober) and being left alone to make the decision to live or die really made a difference, I think.
By the time he quit, I felt like you--hoping he would, but not holding my breath about it.
I don't think it was the threat of losing me that did it (he had already made some attempts to quit on his own and had gone to one AA meeting), but I sure think it helped that I wasn't there to "supervise" the early days of his recovery. He never picked up another drink in 30 years. He was just scared enough of his own downward spiral (he was REALLY BAD at age 21 when he got sober) and being left alone to make the decision to live or die really made a difference, I think.
By the time he quit, I felt like you--hoping he would, but not holding my breath about it.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you my friends.
Addictive Properties of Popular Drugs | Drug War Facts
I have recovering friends who can stop shooting heroin but can't stop smoking cigarettes. It's another brutal addiction.
Thank you everyone for your support. Today, every time I start worrying about AH, the kids or myself, I just think of my family here; folks who have already lost loved ones, are living with practicing addicts and alcoholics, have broken free and don't look back. We have such strength here, such hope to share. Thank you.
He reckons smoking is a bigger hurdle than alcohol for him, and he sometimes would almost kill for a cigarette, and oh, can I ever relate to that feeling.
I have recovering friends who can stop shooting heroin but can't stop smoking cigarettes. It's another brutal addiction.
Thank you everyone for your support. Today, every time I start worrying about AH, the kids or myself, I just think of my family here; folks who have already lost loved ones, are living with practicing addicts and alcoholics, have broken free and don't look back. We have such strength here, such hope to share. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Had a long discussion with AH today. He says he's afraid of his drinking, that when he tries to quit he has awful physical reactions. and was thinking of checking into a freaking treatment center. He even had the phone numbers of a detox facility, I wrote about it years ago and he looked it up. So what I say.
Still it's bizarre, which is a trademark of practicing A's, bizarre behavoir. Until I see change, I'll call it quacking.
Still it's bizarre, which is a trademark of practicing A's, bizarre behavoir. Until I see change, I'll call it quacking.
Saying he is afraid of drinking and afraid of going through withdrawal sounds like valid fears, because they are. If his drinking is bad enough and his health isn't good enough, severe withdrawals can cause serious problems ranging from stroking to heart attack.
I tend to think that wanting to go into a medically assisted detox is a good sign. (???)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by littlefish 
Hmmm..isn't quacking when you are full of BS and spinning tales, and what not, lying, for example?
L
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
When I have achieved things, I am not telling my neighbor or boyfriend or mom about them - , I ask for a therapist reference and schedule an appointment and go, when I am ready to face my hurts I ask for "emotional homework" and find a time to do it, it is all very private (besides SR!) you know. I personally don't believe a word.
"Perro que ladra no muerde" is a famous saying down here. "Dogs that bark don't bite"
"Perro que ladra no muerde" is a famous saying down here. "Dogs that bark don't bite"
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I think I"m learning
So AH has the boys today and because I assigned HIM to job of taking our 7th grader to his new school, getting all the forms and checking the place out job.
He wanted me to do it and I said, 'You can do this. Write down all the questions you have and take it with you. I'm working."
I did ask how he was feeling. He said bad. I said, "well i hope you feel better. Don't forget to ask if he'll have gym every day."
Here's where I think I"m learning:
Even though I asked him to do this, I'm prepared mentally to have to do it myself if he bails. It's just the reality of the situation.
And I'm feeling very compitent about all the crap I have to do anyway (I think it was the radio interview I did last night, I'm feeling pretty smart
despite not being able to correctly spell compitent, feeling like I can finish up this issue of the paper, keep moving, face my abandonment demons, help the kids get to school and take care of the little dogs too.
He wanted me to do it and I said, 'You can do this. Write down all the questions you have and take it with you. I'm working."
I did ask how he was feeling. He said bad. I said, "well i hope you feel better. Don't forget to ask if he'll have gym every day."
Here's where I think I"m learning:
Even though I asked him to do this, I'm prepared mentally to have to do it myself if he bails. It's just the reality of the situation.
And I'm feeling very compitent about all the crap I have to do anyway (I think it was the radio interview I did last night, I'm feeling pretty smart
despite not being able to correctly spell compitent, feeling like I can finish up this issue of the paper, keep moving, face my abandonment demons, help the kids get to school and take care of the little dogs too.
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