Is anyone here?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nevada
Posts: 44
I read every post here and it made me tear up because I have similarly felt so used and fed up. On one hand I want to be a bas a$$ and kick him out and do what is best for me and my daughter and on the other my heart sinks and being without him or without anyone creates this heavy hole (if that makes any sense) in my chest and I cant do it.
Standing up for yourself takes risk and courage. You should know that things will get harder and harder and then one day the pain will be all gone and you can start new.
So many times I have thought about litterally cramming my car packed with my belongings and my daughters and just leaving and going to stay at my mom's till I can find another place. Even though I pay all the bills and I take care of everything I felt that it would be easier and better to just get out of that house and environment and started new.
This way you can "cry and recooperate" at your dad's and then get back out there and start a new life the way you want to live it. There are so many people out there that will treat you right and love you the way you want to be loved.
Its hard but this is only the first step toward your recovery.
Standing up for yourself takes risk and courage. You should know that things will get harder and harder and then one day the pain will be all gone and you can start new.
So many times I have thought about litterally cramming my car packed with my belongings and my daughters and just leaving and going to stay at my mom's till I can find another place. Even though I pay all the bills and I take care of everything I felt that it would be easier and better to just get out of that house and environment and started new.
This way you can "cry and recooperate" at your dad's and then get back out there and start a new life the way you want to live it. There are so many people out there that will treat you right and love you the way you want to be loved.
Its hard but this is only the first step toward your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
hmmmm...didn't know that about NY Law and changing the lock. do you get a fine or anything? Cause I'd still be more comfortable than him coming and going while I was at work.
He can't afford the apt anyway!
He can't afford the apt anyway!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Live: It's a crappy law, but that is the law. I don't think you get a fine, but the cops will insist that you let the person back in. Similarly, she cannot put his stuff outside to get him out. Again, if he calls the cops, he gets to move it right back in. I think this is largely because of rent stabilized apartments in NY.
My friend ended up paying the rest of her lease because her xah did not have a job to pay the rent. Had she not paid, the landlord could have gone after her legally for the money. So, she paid because he refused to leave and he ended up having to leave anyway. That is why people are so weird about letting people stay with them in NYC. More than 30 days, you have to evict them. That could take up to 6 months here.
My friend ended up paying the rest of her lease because her xah did not have a job to pay the rent. Had she not paid, the landlord could have gone after her legally for the money. So, she paid because he refused to leave and he ended up having to leave anyway. That is why people are so weird about letting people stay with them in NYC. More than 30 days, you have to evict them. That could take up to 6 months here.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hi -
I was made homeless the first time last Christmas
(got papers on Christmas EVE, how Dikensian is THAT?)
Found a place, changed jobs
lost the new job
was homeless again by May.
I was without work and without a home all summer this year.
I learned something very very important.
Being homeless did not kill me.
Being embarassed about my condition ... didn't kill me.
Facing jerks who manage to keep THEIR jobs... didn't kill me.
Keep their jobs by lying and breaking the law... didn't kill me.
Apparently ... I cannot be killed.
The point being,
all those fears -
were so huge in my mind,
that I was reacting to them
as if my very life were in danger.
Which simply was not the case.
And I don't have a father
or anyone family
who would have to take me in.
There was noplace left to run.
I literally had noplace to go.
But something DID happen.
I had to let it happen though.
How did I let it happen?
By deciding that I was going to take care of myself.
For the first time in my life
I was going to put myself, and what I need out of life... first.
Above anyone else's needs.
Mine come first.
Even then, though how I put it was
"How best can I serve?"
But once that came out that way -
I resolved that nothing else would ever come between
me and DOING what i'd been shown to do.
(just so you understand it wasn't from a selfish place)
I decided to become my own best friend.
And that little decision... has changed everything.
Literally.
Stay right here, hon.
in THIS moment.
right here, right now
you have a roof over your head.
you have food in your fridge
you have two cats who love you.
you have a chair you can wedge under the door just for tonight.
see?
right here, in this moment ...you already are with your best friend.
and if she's like MY new best firend...
she's been waiting for this for a long, long time.
go for it!!
I was made homeless the first time last Christmas
(got papers on Christmas EVE, how Dikensian is THAT?)
Found a place, changed jobs
lost the new job
was homeless again by May.
I was without work and without a home all summer this year.
I learned something very very important.
Being homeless did not kill me.
Being embarassed about my condition ... didn't kill me.
Facing jerks who manage to keep THEIR jobs... didn't kill me.
Keep their jobs by lying and breaking the law... didn't kill me.
Apparently ... I cannot be killed.
The point being,
all those fears -
were so huge in my mind,
that I was reacting to them
as if my very life were in danger.
Which simply was not the case.
And I don't have a father
or anyone family
who would have to take me in.
There was noplace left to run.
I literally had noplace to go.
But something DID happen.
I had to let it happen though.
How did I let it happen?
By deciding that I was going to take care of myself.
For the first time in my life
I was going to put myself, and what I need out of life... first.
Above anyone else's needs.
Mine come first.
Even then, though how I put it was
"How best can I serve?"
But once that came out that way -
I resolved that nothing else would ever come between
me and DOING what i'd been shown to do.
(just so you understand it wasn't from a selfish place)
I decided to become my own best friend.
And that little decision... has changed everything.
Literally.
Stay right here, hon.
in THIS moment.
right here, right now
you have a roof over your head.
you have food in your fridge
you have two cats who love you.
you have a chair you can wedge under the door just for tonight.
see?
right here, in this moment ...you already are with your best friend.
and if she's like MY new best firend...
she's been waiting for this for a long, long time.
go for it!!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by Bucyn 
Life after divorce in middle age can be wonderful, better than life in your 20's and 30's. Happiness does not discriminate against older people, nor against the poor, or against those who have really messed up and smashed up their lives. As long as you are willing to clean up your mess (which is a million times easier than cleaning up someone else's mess) things will fall into place and happen for you.
Yes, for YOU. As long as you are alive, you can't mess up so badly that happiness can't find you--if you make room for it.
Yes, for YOU. As long as you are alive, you can't mess up so badly that happiness can't find you--if you make room for it.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Sorry that I was not here last night to add to the support chain.
I hope that you are feeling stronger today.
In Florida they basically have the same law, if the other party is living in the residence for 6 months or more they have to leave on their own accord.
Well, I had to call the sheriff on my exabf (not the 1st time). I refused to let him back im my home, they said I couldn't do that, I said "It's my home", sorry that's the law.
So, I put my wrists out and said "Arrest me"..I told you I am not letting him back in my home. He is dangerous, drunk and high on drugs. The sheriffs eyes got big as saucers, he said "I don't know what to do" Simple "Arrest me".
Out the door he goes, comes back in about 5 miniutes later as says "Were arresting exabf" found pot in his sock and he has 3 warrents outstanding (this I did not know).
Anyway, the sheriff said, "I couldn't arrest you, there is no guideline in place to do that".
Go figure another dumb law that has no teeth in it.
You will be fine, if the apartment you are in does not work out for you, there are others!
Make today a special day for ypu!
I hope that you are feeling stronger today.
In Florida they basically have the same law, if the other party is living in the residence for 6 months or more they have to leave on their own accord.
Well, I had to call the sheriff on my exabf (not the 1st time). I refused to let him back im my home, they said I couldn't do that, I said "It's my home", sorry that's the law.
So, I put my wrists out and said "Arrest me"..I told you I am not letting him back in my home. He is dangerous, drunk and high on drugs. The sheriffs eyes got big as saucers, he said "I don't know what to do" Simple "Arrest me".
Out the door he goes, comes back in about 5 miniutes later as says "Were arresting exabf" found pot in his sock and he has 3 warrents outstanding (this I did not know).
Anyway, the sheriff said, "I couldn't arrest you, there is no guideline in place to do that".
Go figure another dumb law that has no teeth in it.
You will be fine, if the apartment you are in does not work out for you, there are others!
Make today a special day for ypu!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
bklyn
i hope you are in a better place.
we all know that panic. it does pass, it does.
are you attending al-anon at all?
i sat a my meeting several weeks ago and there was a woman in a really bad place. i invited her out for coffee and we are becoming friends. asking for support face to face is hard, but it might help you?
one foot in front of the other gets you through. perspective changes and then one day the sun comes out again. it will happen.
(btw, it was darbdwyer who had the miraculous changes mentioned in this thread.)
i hope you are in a better place.
we all know that panic. it does pass, it does.
are you attending al-anon at all?
i sat a my meeting several weeks ago and there was a woman in a really bad place. i invited her out for coffee and we are becoming friends. asking for support face to face is hard, but it might help you?
one foot in front of the other gets you through. perspective changes and then one day the sun comes out again. it will happen.
(btw, it was darbdwyer who had the miraculous changes mentioned in this thread.)
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