silkspin

Many years ago AH studied in another country where he also has citizenship. Although the education was free, he had to pay room and board and so he took on student loans.

After his studies he had a repayment plan which he kept up; although he'd moved out he never changed addresses and the letters came to his parents house. For some reason they stopped coming, and he never took measures to contact them and basically just stopped paying. I've joked every now and again that if we ever go there to visit his family that he'd get flagged at the border and they'd come after him.

So after his policy of 'they didn't ask so I don't pay', he received a letter to his new work from them (they may have found him through his online business profile on a popular site). He had owed them about $3000 and now apparently, due to interest on full unpaid balance for the last 8 years or so, he owes $14000!!!!!! The old me would have FREAKED OUT and started in on him and demanded him to figure this out, call them and negotiate, blah blah, I said nothing. Yes this affects me too because this is an extra burden on our finances, and all that money that could be used for rrsp's, our daughters education, now has to go to pay this damned thing where if he'd faced up to his responsibilities before, he'd wouldn't have owed even half of that.

But, it's his problem. Fully. I want no part of this. I said wow I can't believe that, holy sh|t, and that was it. Talk about your irresponsibility biting you in the butt - in a BIG way! It's up to him to figure this out and let this be a lesson to him that pretending things aren't there doesn't equal that they've gone away. He'd long harboured the fantasy that they had forgiven the loan. Wake up call!

Jadmack25

You know who's wake-up call it is, and have left him to deal with it. The problem is that you may lose out if he sticks his head in the sand again, or is forced to pay up and this comes out of family income.

I bet he was surprised and a bit annoyed, at them chasing him for payment....as if he was not in any way responsible for it NOT being paid out years ago. Ah, the mind set of the addict is focussed in some weird places, not often on reality.

Stay sane and apart from HIS "little surprises".

God bless

silkspin

And you know he did say something about it being their fault, I simply raised an eyebrow and he corrected himself, saying yes he knew it was his fault but it sucks that they came after him. They did still have his parent's address so I don't know why they didn't try to send something earlier and this may be a point he can bring up if does contact them. Also they may forgive some of the amount if he just speaks with them and shows a willingness to make it right, but who knows how he will try to handle this.

In any case he said something in passing about taking out a loan to pay the balance and to end the relationship with them (easier to have the loan local) but if he does that it's in his name only. If he doesn't handle it then we'll have to take it as it comes. I don't think they have reach to seize anything as it is another country (but I bet if he doesn't pay he won't be able to step foot there). In any case our financial situation is decent, and although he is now the main earner because I stay home pt with my daughter, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself financially. I wondered a few weeks ago about separating our finances and paying in an amount proportional to income to our common expenses, but because I currently earn so little it wouldn't really work. But I'm definitely the one who keeps a pulse on it, so I'll be sure to do just that. And, we have some accts in ING that are my name only (and he's never pressed too hard to get himself added) so those accounts which are our savings, would likely be safe from any kind of seizure.

Jadmack25

Those financial ideas sound good and the sooner you keep finances out of danger from Ah and his problems, the better. It can get scary when people come hunting around you, for payment on debts owned by a partner.

God bless

silkspin

Well one thing I have always been was financially independent. Out of school I was the first with a full time job (he studied longer) and up until my mat leave 3 years ago I've always been the top wage earner, although he eventually caught up. Now that we moved closer to my family in a city that's less expensive, I was able to stay home with our daughter and I took it. But I have my own rrsps, and a pension from my first employer. We have little joint credit. In harder times when I was spending more, he'd always be the one wanting to overhaul the finances and pay off debts. Funny! He never saw these student loans as part of our regular finances. These debts do remind him of unfinished studies (he'd lost interest and motivation and ended up switching fields) so maybe that's why he tried to ignore them - another reminder that makes him feel like a failure (common personal theme for him).

barb dwyer

I know a woman who did the same thing -
freaked out that they had the gall to find her after four years.

She's refusing to pay
because they didn't find her for four years.

it doesn't work that way
but it also shows the mindset of a taker.

When i got MY fin aid
I had to sit through this 30 minute 'workshop' online
that really amounted to no more
than them asking thirty five times
in thirty five different ways

"if I get this loan I have to pay it back ... true or false"



I'm not surprised at all at his reaction.

But I'm very pleased with YOURS!

LexieCat

My guess is that they'd settle for repayment and a portion of the interest, if he cares to negotiate. Especially if he pays it in a lump sum. Bird in the hand and all that.

I couldn't live with myself if I hid from my debts.

Jadmack25

The idea of living with the possibility of getting a hand on the shoulder anytime, demanding payment of a debt, actually brings me out in a cold sweat. When the credit folks tried to hit me for XAH's wine bill of $2,700 (Ha Ha, how ironic) 6 months after he divorced me, it freaked me out at first, then I came out fighting.

I agree with LexieCat, in that they may take what they can get without going thru costly action.

God bless