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How long do I give him to leave?

Old 08-31-2010, 09:48 AM
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How long do I give him to leave?

I went to live with my dad three weeks ago, told AH I couldn't deal with his drinking anymore. He prentends to be taking steps towards recovery but I can tell he's ddoing it because it's what everyone else is telling him he needs to do in order for me to come home.

Regardless he isn't working right now, took a leave of absence from work so he could go to treatment. He withdrew his last paycheck without telling me so I was stuck covering the bills. Fine I'm the one in the family that's always taken care of the finaces anyhow.

For some ungodly reason I had been thinking he was making ends meet with that last check, then yesterday I found out the truth. Turns out he had dug out a old credit card of mine (he's an authorized user) and has run up $1800 in charges mostly cash advances in under two weeks. I nearly lost my mind that's NOT how you do things in a partnership. Oh and guess how I found out? Chase called because of the unusal activity on the card.

I promptly closed the account and now I want him out of the apartment too. He's living there all nice and cozy while I'm paying the bills and busting my ass trying to commute from my dad's house.

I called him yesterday to tell him but he had been drinking so I decided to wait till today to break the news. How long do you think I should give him to get out and find someplace else to stay? I don't want to be cruel, but I do want him out. He also doesn't have any family or real friends near by.

I absoutely sick over this and I can believe this is the way things are unfolding. I litteraly called in sick to work today becasue I couldn't drag myself out of bed and that's after I left early yesterday becasue I couldn't stop hysterically crying. :rotfxko
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by BklynGrl View Post
I don't want to be cruel, but I do want him out. He also doesn't have any family or real friends near by.
You don't want to be cruel even when his addiction has forced you out of your home, imposed a great deal of stress on you with regards to travel, and after he ran up 1800$ of charges on your credit card, for which you will most likely be responsible for in the end??

Um. Nail him to the wall.

Is the apartment in your name? If so, I think you have grounds to have him evicted.

I'd call the local police department's non emergency number to get some friendly advice. They can perhaps help you "escort" him off the premises should you have legal grounds to warrant this...
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
You don't want to be cruel even when his addiction has forced you out of your home, imposed a great deal of stress on you with regards to travel, and after he ran up 1800$ of charges on your credit card, for which you will most likely be responsible for in the end??

Um. Nail him to the wall.

Is the apartment in your name? If so, I think you have grounds to have him evicted.

I'd call the local police department's non emergency number to get some friendly advice. They can perhaps help you "escort" him off the premises should you have legal grounds to warrant this...
It's in both of our names. At least it was. We have been living there for six years. the first year the lease was in both of our names. But after the first year the landlord never bothered to have us resign anything. We just keep paying and staying.
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
You don't want to be cruel even when his addiction has forced you out of your home, imposed a great deal of stress on you with regards to travel, and after he ran up 1800$ of charges on your credit card, for which you will most likely be responsible for in the end??

Um. Nail him to the wall.
Where to you thik I can purchase a heavy duty nail gun that will get the job done? LOL
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:00 AM
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That initial lease will be legally binding. The only way to get him to leave the premises is to get him to sign off on his rights to the apartment to you. I believe it's called a lease reassignment. I had to do the reverse with my XAH: he agreed to take on the lease while I surrendered my portion to him.

However, this may not hold where you live. Have you contacted the local tenant board to find out what you can do? Also, if you're on good terms with the landlord, I'd talk to him asap.

Finally, if your research yields nothing, I'd see about a legal consultation.

If you don't want to go through the trouble, then consider taking your stuff out and leaving yourself. This is also something you'd want to discuss with your landlord, as you'd be breaking the lease before it is up.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:02 AM
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You think I really need to go through all that? I have a feeling if I tell me to get out he will, he may not have any place to go but I think he'd willingly leave.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:02 AM
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If his name is on the lease, it's possible that he can legally refuse to move out. That's just something the two of you will have to discuss. It could be that you will have to find your own place, but I would talk with your current landlord and see how that would affect you legally.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:12 AM
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I understand your compassion. For me, I never treated my xabf cruelly, and I get to live with that -- hold my head up high and be proud of treating another human being with dignity.

As possibly in your case as well, mine never put up a fight. When I asked him to leave, he did so as soon as he could manage it. Even though he was not on a very healthy path, he had his pride too.

I don't know about the legal ramifications should he choose to stay - I would suggest talking to the landlord or law enforcement, or perhaps there is a tenant advocate in your area -- you could google that. But I do know enough about landlord-tenant law to agree with noday -- you still do have a lease in force.

Best to you. This is extraordinarily painful. But you are doing the right thing.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:20 AM
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Well, if you think he'll leave if you ask him to, then why don't the two of you just talk about it? As I see it, you have two choices...either have him move out and you live in your apartment, or, he continues to live there and you find your own place. The first step would be to talk to him.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Well, if you think he'll leave if you ask him to, then why don't the two of you just talk about it? As I see it, you have two choices...either have him move out and you live in your apartment, or, he continues to live there and you find your own place. The first step would be to talk to him.
That's the plan, just waiting for him to wake up from his drunken stupor. In the meantime i'm heading to the bank to open an account under only my name. i'll update later.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:38 AM
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As far as how much time to give him...is he a procrastinator? If he is, if you give him 30 days, in all likelihood, he won't even start looking for two or three weeks. If he's not a procrastinator, then he'll immediately start looking regardless of how long you give him. If it were me, I'd say two weeks, however, you first have to talk to him.
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Old 08-31-2010, 11:35 AM
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Here in Aussie, not being on a specific lease puts you on a monthly tenancy, so landlord could give a month's notice to vacate, sign you up as the new tenant on your own to take up possession when the month is up, and he gets to look for his own place.

May be worth looking at, as you could have his removal of furniture etc, supervised so that he takes what is his and leaves yours in situ. Could save you effort, and money in moving costs and looking for another place.

God bless
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Old 08-31-2010, 01:27 PM
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He might leave willingly, but since both of your names are on the lease the apartment and its contents are joint property. He could get totally rageful, take everything that's not nailed down, wreck the apartment from top to bottom and you probably wouldn't have any legal recourse at all.

Not a legal expert of anything here, just playing devil's advocate - sorry if it seems harsh. But for your own sake, you need to legally protect yourself as soon as possible.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:02 PM
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I am assuming you are in NY. The original lease has expired, so now you are on a "month to month" lease. You have to give him 30 days notice in writing. You can write this document up yourself---your name, his name, date, address and the words, "30 Day Notice." If he moves, good, otherwise, you may have to take him to housing court.

Double check the procedure above with a housing advocate, but that's what I had to do.
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Old 08-31-2010, 03:25 PM
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Well, if he can't manage on his salary w/o your $1800, he's not going to be able to afford that apt long. It's good that you never re-signed the lease, you just need to tell the landlord that you will not longer be living there or financially responsible for the place (get a quick consult with an atty on how to do this) and then leave X to his misery.

I don't know that I'd tell him until I showed up and removed my belongings. Why give him a chance for mischief--or an opportunity to sell your things? Get your stuff out asap and move on.
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Old 08-31-2010, 03:52 PM
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Spoke with him and and told him he has until 9/11. He said ok. I asked if I could have the apartment tonight as previously arranged and he said yes he was in the process of cleaning up. That was pretty much it, later I got a text asking how long this was going to be for and I told him it depends. I'm going to remove my valuable stuff tomorrow when I leave just in case. But I honestly don't see him doing anything crazy.
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