Let Them Be
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
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Let Them Be
As I said in a prior thread, this September is a turning point for me, so I'm psyching myself up for doing things differently with regard to interaction, enabling, setting bounderies, and detaching with love. So I googled stuff online, and found a neat e-zine article. I love the simple mantra: Let Them Be, maybe because I'm such a Beatlemaniac and my favorite song ever is Let It Be.
Here's an excerpt:
Here's an excerpt:
Back when I believed I could fix anyone, when I had my own god complex, I would spend hours and days and years on such 'projects'. I was convinced that my wisdom, along with my love, could save them. I was convinced that if I tried hard enough I'd be able to show them just how worthy they were. I was utterly blinded by my own Ego's pride, unable to see that all I was doing was keeping them from learning how to find their way. As the saying goes: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. One of the truest adages I've ever heard.
What to do?
Nothing.
Remember that the only way for anyone to grow is to let them. Remember that you are not their god. Remember that their path is their own and they must walk it alone. You may be able to meet them along the way, at various cross roads, to encourage them to keep going. To give them a dose of love and a big ol' hug. To give them a smile as they continue on. Other than that, it is not your job to save them. Truth is, you can't save them. Why would you want to? Do you not think it would ****** their growth? Do you not think it would, in the long run, force them to revisit this place? Do you not think that your own passage through the storm made you who you are now?
In the Tao Te Ching, there is a passage that says (in essence) 'no storm can last forever'. (yes, that's the short version, but you get the drift). And it's true. Even the most furious hurricane or the most devastating tsunami can only last for so long. And then...it wears itself out and disappears. Eventually. What makes us think that the same does not hold true for us? What storm can last forever?
Me thinks it is a very good practice to let people sail their own ship. To allow them the freedom to experience what they need to experience. To hold them closely in our hearts, but let them sail on their own. Because every time we intrude, we're just joining that pity party. And we're not doing them a bit of good when we do. Let them be. Let them grow. Let them learn about their own power. Otherwise, all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable. How can that be 'good'?
What to do?
Nothing.
Remember that the only way for anyone to grow is to let them. Remember that you are not their god. Remember that their path is their own and they must walk it alone. You may be able to meet them along the way, at various cross roads, to encourage them to keep going. To give them a dose of love and a big ol' hug. To give them a smile as they continue on. Other than that, it is not your job to save them. Truth is, you can't save them. Why would you want to? Do you not think it would ****** their growth? Do you not think it would, in the long run, force them to revisit this place? Do you not think that your own passage through the storm made you who you are now?
In the Tao Te Ching, there is a passage that says (in essence) 'no storm can last forever'. (yes, that's the short version, but you get the drift). And it's true. Even the most furious hurricane or the most devastating tsunami can only last for so long. And then...it wears itself out and disappears. Eventually. What makes us think that the same does not hold true for us? What storm can last forever?
Me thinks it is a very good practice to let people sail their own ship. To allow them the freedom to experience what they need to experience. To hold them closely in our hearts, but let them sail on their own. Because every time we intrude, we're just joining that pity party. And we're not doing them a bit of good when we do. Let them be. Let them grow. Let them learn about their own power. Otherwise, all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable. How can that be 'good'?
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