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Finding strength- was accidentally sent son to jail

Old 08-31-2010, 03:58 AM
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Finding strength- was accidentally sent son to jail

Again a heartfelt thank you for all the support and wisdom.
I know my son needs some hard lessons to change, and I need to keep that in my mind.
i have begun getting his things together, and am planning to tell him that he cannot come back here.
After worrying about him and trying to help for so long, it is hard to keep frantic activity out of my head.
I keep thinking even stupid things like "can he have a smoke there? He will go crazy. then i think of others who choose to go without, in order to quit.

I need help, to figure out why I am so caught up in trying to protect him.

I am trying to figure out how to have some peace of mind today, at work.
Maybe the serenity prayer? That just popped into my head.

Guess that is what I will hold onto today

hugs,
chicory
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Old 08-31-2010, 04:20 AM
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The Serenity Prayer is a wonderful way to calm your mind!
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Old 08-31-2010, 05:02 AM
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I had to let go of my XAH for many of the same reasons. I learned the codependency from my mother. The Melody Beattie books really help. My XAH was "my "addiction and come hell and high water I was gonna save him. I couldn't. Alanon will help you too. They have a great pamphlet on the "merry-go-round" we get caught on in the family. Your son maybe needs to be out in the cold, lose some friends, be hungry, get some serious recovery help, and stop abusing you.....There are professionals who are equipted to handle him. You need to work the program you wish he would work. Get the protective order. Give him to God. Go to Alanon and learn how to focus on you. You may have to love him from a distance. Tell the authorities it is not ok for him to return to your home. Tell them the truth. His disease is just going to progress. if he doesn't get help. Here we have a Salvation Army where they have strict rules but also get a place to live and meeting for recovery. SR has alot of experience, strength and hope......They really helped me" let go or be dragged."......I eventually learned I needed to let go. Trying to help was only dangerous for me and prolonging his misery. My X is still in his misery. I have a serene, happy life....His choice....my choice.....I pray for him to find recovery but I cannot force it. Love was not enough.
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Old 08-31-2010, 05:38 AM
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chicory,

i think of you alot. there is a small field next to my apt complex full of chicory plants.
it doesnt matter that there is no rain, or the lawnmowers come by weekly to chop down the plants, they always come back. always.

when my daughter was in jail, i had to remind myself several times:
she is there because of what she did, not anything i did.
she will be fine. she is safe, and unable to get drunk. (she rages when drunk).
and.....when you stop worrying about him, and you go home after work,
take a deep breath and enjoy the peace. it is peaceful when the drama is not in the house.
breathe in, breathe out, he will be fine. he is safe. you have peace.

beth
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Old 08-31-2010, 05:44 AM
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Beth you're AWESOME.

Keep coming back, Chicory. Listen to that voice that pops solutions into your head. You're clearly one strong, tuned into Spirit woman. Let us know how you're doing.
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Old 08-31-2010, 04:14 PM
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Beth,
How nice to be thought of like that! I just love those little flowers. They make me feel so , spiritual, I think. They are the prettiest color in the world , to me.

I am telling myself that he made these choices, and if people do not get a chance to learn from their choices, well, they make other bad ones, I guess.
I dont think he will be in jail for long maybe three days at most, but i will enjoy the peace. He called me at work, saying they released him, and when i asked why , he said, "Cause they didn't have a reason to keep me- they should not have taken me in". well, i wonder why they set a court date for him then? cause he had two failure to shows. and they are gonna make sure he shows for this court date. then he goes to another town, about 45 minutes away. for another court date, he has a warrant there, for unpaid fines. he was homeless when he got fined, and should have been smart enough to tel the judge, but he was too stubborn. did not want help yet, maybe he will ask for help this time. but i doubt it.


plan on taking his packed duffle bag to the court house, and give it to him, as he leaves the court house. and tell him that i can no longer let him stay with me. he knows in his heart why- he just is gonna try to manipulate me , to get what he feels he needs. has been doing that forever.

I promise, I am gonna work on my recovery. right now, tho. i am a mess , and cannot help but focus on him. He has been a fugitive and I am turning him over to the world that he is trying to hide from. Hope that is what God wants . pray that I have the strength.
I dont know about being a strong , tuned into Spirit woman. but that sounds like what I want to be I am doing ok, transformyself, I am in shock, kind of , and feel so alone in this. I am afraid . I do not want to be a crutch, nor do I wish my son to be a cripple.

hugs to all, and love. gotta love you guys.
chicory
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Old 08-31-2010, 04:20 PM
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He called me at work, saying they released him, and when i asked why , he said, "Cause they didn't have a reason to keep me- they should not have taken me in".

Well, when I got home 8 hours later, he had not arrived. i know it was a good two hour walk. (Old mom was not in my head, and did not offer to leave work to give him a ride)
told him I did not want him to live here anymore. he just growled some crud.

when i got home and he was not here, i feared he got lost (he is a dingy one) or jumped in the river on the way home.
I called the station , and they said he was there, holding, to go to court tomorrow , for failure to appear twice, in court. for something. not sure if it was driving without license (revoked for an open container, in back of house/car.

he will be in jail for maybe two more days.
i will enjoy the peace, and time to get strong in my desire to do the next right thing. (I like that phrase)
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