Trying to stay sane on a Friday night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Trying to stay sane on a Friday night
It was a busy week at work, had been looking forward to Friday coming around.
I recently joined a singles group on meetup.com and had planned on attending my first event tonight. I made my way to the designated restaurant, parked the car, walked up to it and stopped before I reached the door.
All around me were "happy couples" and here I was alone, missing my XABF.
Friday nights were our nights together, sober and happy generally.
I just couldn't make myself go into that restaurant, alone, not knowing anyone. I got back into my car, cried because I was missing what I no longer had. To add to my misery, I drove by our old building and saw that his light was on. He was there.
I wanted so bad to call him, to text him, anything to let him know that I was practically at his front door, wanting to see him.
I picked up my phone and realized if I contacted him now...He might make me feel good tonight, but tomorrow I would be full of regret.
Stop.
My heartache tomorrow would be 10 times worse than my missing him at this moment.
Stop.He would know that I still cared, even though he has told me that he wants to reunite with his ex-wife.
Stop.He would now know my new number.
Stop.
He may start drunk dialing me again.
Stop.
I would be taking a huge step backward in getting the life I really want or deserve.
STOP!
So, as I sat there mulling over my options, looking wistfully at our old building and wishing I was there... I called a trusted friend and told her what was going on. She listened, sympathized and made me feel better.
One hour later I am now sitting in my new home, posting this to all of you out there.
I diverted a possible disaster by just thinking it through.
I recently joined a singles group on meetup.com and had planned on attending my first event tonight. I made my way to the designated restaurant, parked the car, walked up to it and stopped before I reached the door.
All around me were "happy couples" and here I was alone, missing my XABF.
Friday nights were our nights together, sober and happy generally.
I just couldn't make myself go into that restaurant, alone, not knowing anyone. I got back into my car, cried because I was missing what I no longer had. To add to my misery, I drove by our old building and saw that his light was on. He was there.
I wanted so bad to call him, to text him, anything to let him know that I was practically at his front door, wanting to see him.
I picked up my phone and realized if I contacted him now...He might make me feel good tonight, but tomorrow I would be full of regret.
Stop.
My heartache tomorrow would be 10 times worse than my missing him at this moment.
Stop.He would know that I still cared, even though he has told me that he wants to reunite with his ex-wife.
Stop.He would now know my new number.
Stop.
He may start drunk dialing me again.
Stop.
I would be taking a huge step backward in getting the life I really want or deserve.
STOP!
So, as I sat there mulling over my options, looking wistfully at our old building and wishing I was there... I called a trusted friend and told her what was going on. She listened, sympathized and made me feel better.
One hour later I am now sitting in my new home, posting this to all of you out there.
I diverted a possible disaster by just thinking it through.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Congratulations! Sounds like you did divert a possible disaster.
Also sounds like the singles thing is not the right time. I just stopped triggerig over happy couples. Now I just smile and know I'll have that too, when I'm ready.
What else are you going to do to take care of you right now?
Hugs!
Also sounds like the singles thing is not the right time. I just stopped triggerig over happy couples. Now I just smile and know I'll have that too, when I'm ready.
What else are you going to do to take care of you right now?
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Way to go, Groybin! You did the perfect thing. You have to KNOW going into this that you'll have more moments like this so be prepared for them and do just like you did tonight! You played the tape loop all the way through! It may take some time, or it may not, but these episodes WILL get fewer and farther between. Maybe its just too early yet to try the singles group. Maybe tomorrow night curl up with a bowl of popcorn and a great book...right after you go buy yourself a great new outfit and get a pedicure with bright red polish! 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Well, I plan on journaling later tonight.
I am on-call at the hospital this entire weekend and dreading it... so that's probably why I am feeling all out of sorts this evening.
These weekends are few and far between, fortunately and I plan on just taking it easy on myself... no cleaning, no cooking, just relaxing between calls.
I am on-call at the hospital this entire weekend and dreading it... so that's probably why I am feeling all out of sorts this evening.
These weekends are few and far between, fortunately and I plan on just taking it easy on myself... no cleaning, no cooking, just relaxing between calls.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Originally Posted by groybin 
I picked up my phone and realized if I contacted him now...He might make me feel good tonight, but tomorrow I would be full of regret.
Stop.
My heartache tomorrow would be 10 times worse than my missing him at this moment.
I diverted a possible disaster by just thinking it through.
You will be sooooooo glad tomorrow that you found your strength tonight. Nice job!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
Way to go Groybin!!!!
Way to exercise those impulse control muscles!
That was some test of your srtrength and courage - Sitting outside his building while feeling that sad. That's amazing.
Happy Dance
Way to exercise those impulse control muscles!
That was some test of your srtrength and courage - Sitting outside his building while feeling that sad. That's amazing.
Happy Dance
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by ChrrisT
Way to go Groybin!!!!
Way to exercise those impulse control muscles!
That was some test of your srtrength and courage - Sitting outside his building while feeling that sad. That's amazing.
Way to exercise those impulse control muscles!
That was some test of your srtrength and courage - Sitting outside his building while feeling that sad. That's amazing.
Growing pains suck sometimes, but they are soooooo worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Thanks everyone!
Listen, I knew in my heart that this moment would come, we have a year long history of breakups/makeups that NEVER resolved ANY of our issues. But we continued to play this game over and over again.
So, it was imperative that I moved away from our building. It was too easy in the past to feel lonely and walk down to his place.
Now..I no longer have a key into our bldg, I would have to call him to let me in, along with him not having my new number I can no longer go into "autopilot"..my heart is no longer dictating my actions.
I NOW HAVE TO DELIBERATELY MAKE PLANS TO RECONNECT WITH HIM.
I CAN NO LONGER BLAME MYSELF FOR BEING WEAK AND MAKE EXCUSES FOR MY BEHAVIOR THE NEXT DAY.
I realized last night that I am attracted to him physically, that it is really just sexual chemistry that kept me hooked. I honestly don't like him much.
We don't have much in common, he has a lifestyle that I could never afford or relate to. Simply put, if he wasn't an alcoholic, it still wouldn't work.
So, it was imperative that I moved away from our building. It was too easy in the past to feel lonely and walk down to his place.
Now..I no longer have a key into our bldg, I would have to call him to let me in, along with him not having my new number I can no longer go into "autopilot"..my heart is no longer dictating my actions.
I NOW HAVE TO DELIBERATELY MAKE PLANS TO RECONNECT WITH HIM.
I CAN NO LONGER BLAME MYSELF FOR BEING WEAK AND MAKE EXCUSES FOR MY BEHAVIOR THE NEXT DAY.
I realized last night that I am attracted to him physically, that it is really just sexual chemistry that kept me hooked. I honestly don't like him much.
We don't have much in common, he has a lifestyle that I could never afford or relate to. Simply put, if he wasn't an alcoholic, it still wouldn't work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hi Groybin,
This was spectacular!! The program is working for you!!!
We are in similiar situations. The first time I went on a date I drove home crying and wanting my stxah. This has happened a few times but more and more I forced myself to go out into the world and I am getting stronger. When something happens that upsets me I no longer feel the want to call him and have him be my security blanket. For the same reasons you mentioned. For the moment I would feel better then I knew it would get worse. Much worse. It takes time and healing but speaking from my experience I believe this will pass and more and more you will lose the urge to consider him your security blanket.
I am thinking of you!!
Hugs
Lulu
This was spectacular!! The program is working for you!!!
We are in similiar situations. The first time I went on a date I drove home crying and wanting my stxah. This has happened a few times but more and more I forced myself to go out into the world and I am getting stronger. When something happens that upsets me I no longer feel the want to call him and have him be my security blanket. For the same reasons you mentioned. For the moment I would feel better then I knew it would get worse. Much worse. It takes time and healing but speaking from my experience I believe this will pass and more and more you will lose the urge to consider him your security blanket.
I am thinking of you!!
Hugs
Lulu
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Leise
I've soooo been where you are. So tempted to call, text and interact with the xabf. I KNEW he wasn't good for me, that he was arrogant and a very sick alcoholic. Despite all that, my addiction to him was very powerful - it was a big mess of drama, sexual intimacy and fear. Three things which get my adrenalin pumping and keep me addicted.
I know I'm not the same.. and thank god for that. I have a peace inside me now that I never imagined I'd have.
I know I'm not the same.. and thank god for that. I have a peace inside me now that I never imagined I'd have.
But now, standing back I know the relationship was based on sadness, loneliness, fear and a truckload of drama thrown in (along with some awesome sex, sigh).
It can be exhilarating for a season, but settling for a lifetime of that is throwing a good life away.
MINE!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
But now, standing back I know the relationship was based on sadness, loneliness, fear and a truckload of drama thrown in (along with some awesome sex, sigh).
yep, add both people alcoholics and ya got my last marriage.
sigh is right.
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