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I hope I won't be linched with this question!!

Old 08-25-2010, 02:45 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I always think when I hear people say that they know of someone who went from alcoholic to moderate drinker that probably that story isn't over yet...know what I mean?

And the other thing is when people say they know of an addict/alcoholic whose drinking/drugging was controlled so that it didn't at all affect the others in their life is that if it didn't affect them, they wouldn't even be aware of the problem at all. What I mean is, if you love someone, and you perceive them as having a substance abuse problem, it will certainly affect you, in that you will worry and probably loose some sleep or at least some of your peace-of-mind about it. And robbing someone of their peace-of-mind is worse than taking their money, IMO. I used to believe that I didn't affect my children because they never saw me use and they still had nice things/a nice home, etc. But the reality is that I was constantly spending time getting my substance. And mentally I just wasn't there the way I am now.

Just my thoughts.

Love,
KJ
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Old 08-25-2010, 02:54 PM
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let's take food addiction. That person needs food to survive, they are taught through their recovery to eat in moderation. And correct me if I'm wrong, addictions all stem from the same area of the brain. Working the same receptors.
So why can't other addictions work in moderation once the person recovers spiritually?
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:11 PM
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Alcohol scares me!
Theres my admission for the day lol.
I've always considered myself a 'normal' drinker, I don't go out much to places where there's alcohol. I don't buy alcohol to have in the house as a regular thing, maybe at Christmas or special birthdays, maybe once in a while for a special date (that don't happen very often!) I don't often think of alcohol these days to be honest, if it's there it's there, no big deal to me now, my A is well gone so I don't need to bother about anyone elses action/reaction around it.
When my brother died however was a different matter, I would not go near any alcohol for ages, didn't want to hear of any friends drink stories, didn't like to see it on TV and was personally offended at the TV adverts!
Then I decided(somewhere deep in my head) that I had to prove I could drink with no repercussions. So I did. For a couple of weekends. I hated it. I chugged down g+t like never before. I don't like to be drunk, I don't even like to get a bit of a buzz.
There are lot's of things about alcoholism I don't understand, why was my brother addicted and I'm not (if it's supposedly linked to genetics) what is 'different' about alcoholics, even just why?
I've got to the stage where I don't really need the answers to these questions, I's like them, but I don't need them any more.
Alcoholics are what they are, I don't think they can regulate what they drink.
But as well as alcoholics I think there are also 'problem drinkers', we see more and more in the UK, especially young people, drinking on a weekend and causing problems (violence, anti social behaviour etc)
I think what I just described as 'problem drinkers' maybe could be educated and not have any alcohol problems, but I do believe there are some who are definately addicted and have to choose their way, either to stop or face whatever drinking brings them.
I know this site has a majority of US users, and I don't know what your education system is like, but I really think that alcoholism/addiction should be a big part of what we have as Personal social health education (PSHE)
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:38 PM
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There are people who can scale back, however I don't think these individuals are "Alcoholics" in the true definition. I have tried a thousand times to scale back only to come full circle to the point of uncontrolability again and again. I dream of drinking I would worry if I was going to have enough alcohol for the night and would drink nonstop until I went to bed, I would get up thinking okay what do I have to take care of before I can start drinking again. I actually would plan some of my life around my drinking. I'm only 23 days sober "this time" and I miss alcohol. I and I am sure every drunk would give just about anything to be able to control this seductress, but the reality to a true "alcoholic" is we will never be in control of our relationship with alcohol.
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Old 08-25-2010, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by ERNIETWANG View Post
I and I am sure every drunk would give just about anything to be able to control this seductress
At one time that would have been true for me. By now I don't think I'm missing out on anything special.
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Old 08-25-2010, 05:15 PM
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This is what I would classify as functional alcoholics. They still "need" the substance to function. If it's only for a block of time, the substance suppresses an emotion, feeling, etc. and helps them to cope. This is also addiction. A person who drinks in moderation will not "need" the substance for anything but just for the pure enjoyment of it. They can go days, weeks or months without having the "need" to drink.
I agree. I think there are different degrees of addiction. It's not just black or white for everyone.

Everything in moderation - but that isn't the American way - let's Supersize it!
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:09 PM
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Hm. My exA swore up, down and sideways she could "moderate" and only drink at parties and social events. SWORE that that would be it. Did alternative therapies. Consulted psychics and got her liver function tests done. We watched movies that included raging alcoholics and she pointed out that she couldn't possibly be an alcoholic after seeing how "drunks" act on the big screen. All of that reinforced her belief that she was NOT, in fact, an alcoholic, even though she couldn't stop drinking alone--because she "deserved" it after a difficult/painful day, because if I "had lived the same type of childhood" I would drink too, because I was so controlling.... So much for "social events". Moderation, in my option and experience, is a farce.

I still miss her sometimes, and interestingly enough it's when I'm least expecting it. In fact, as I read this thread there is some part of me that STILL thinks, "Gee, if only she read this thread, she would know she's not alone...maybe she'd get help THEN." Blah, blah, blah. Point well taken, Lexie, thanks.

And hugs to you, Charlie. Thanks for the topic.
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:30 PM
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My husband and I are currently seperarated; he totally lost all control of his life after escalated drinking over the past year,of which I was totally unaware. his word to me was that he ended up being "engulfed" by it, and doesnt understand how he got to this point; homeless, seperated from his family, bankrupt, house in foreclosure- I am broken by all this, it is beyond my comprehension
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Old 08-25-2010, 08:32 PM
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Hi, Sue,

Welcome! Glad to have you here with us.

I know how upsetting it is to be going through the difficult situation of dealing with a loved one's alcoholism.

Maybe you'd like to post an intro thread so everyone can get to know you?
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Old 08-25-2010, 10:54 PM
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Well, I can say that alcohol does something for my aexh that it does not do for me. I am both sorry and relieved that I don't really understand. I have a compulsive disorder and his drinking seemed to have the same sort of tone: never entirely a matter of choice.

He described himself to me initially as a "borderline alcoholic." I'm not sure there is such a beast. In my life I have seen one person go through a period of moderate-to-heavy drinking in her 30s or early 40s and then simply cut back and be fine, but he doesn't seem to have that in him.
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Old 08-26-2010, 05:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Summerpeach View Post
a good friend was in town last week, he came to see me.
I've not seen him in years because he became out of control. (drugs, drinking and cheating on his wife and kids).
Morally, I was cleaning up my life and he had to go

I thought about him so much in the last few months and 2 months ago, he just showed up at my work. I had to see him because he is now a supplier of my company.
I knew something was different.
We went out to dinner last week and spent 5 yrs talking.
His wife left him 18 months ago, took his kids and he's not seen them since. He tried to OD on rx meds and was in the hosp for 3 weeks close to death.
A nurse told him to find Jesus (I'm not religious by the way), so he went to church and found a shop near his home that sells spiritual things. The women who run the store started to talk/counsel him.
He went to a mass where the priest blessed everyone, one by one and this priest touched my friends hands and my friend fell to the ground and lost awareness for 5 secs. He got up from the floor and he was stunned. (this guy was a wealthy biker type who didn't believe in any God) and said to the priest "What just happened"
The priest replied "You've just been blessed by the holy ghost"
I got chills....

He stopped all drugs and can have wine only once and a while now.
Will this last? Maybe, as long as he continues in church (his AA).

Moral of my story, I'm not sure I believe addictions are a disease per say, but more a breakdown of the ego and soul. Two HUGE factors to balance out.
I think if the soul/spirit is balanced, there is no reason to live in excess.
Of course, this is just a theory but it worked for my friend.

I used to tell my ex he could get to the point of one drink, but he never felt he could. And I believe that, I think had he found his spirit, he could have, But it's rare when people reach zen like this, but possible
Although I'll agree that there is no denying the physical component of addictions, I have no doubt that my solution was a spiritual one. And that is, after all, the only result offered in the 12 steps....a spiritual awakening.

But then, I also think that the only true reality is a spiritual reality<G>.

blessings
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Old 08-26-2010, 05:36 AM
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Originally Posted by ChrrisT View Post
I agree. I think there are different degrees of addiction. It's not just black or white for everyone.

Everything in moderation - but that isn't the American way - let's Supersize it!
I don't know how accurate this information is, but my understanding is that Italians consume a great deal of alcohol with a very low incidence of alcoholism. I suspect it is the WAY they drink....just sort of a regular beverage....not for the effect or the escape. I also understand that this cultural factor began in the times when it was unsafe to drink the water, so they drank wine as an everyday beverage.

This would be listed under "trivia from the mind of a zenbear."

blessings
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Old 08-26-2010, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by spiffysue View Post
My husband and I are currently seperarated; he totally lost all control of his life after escalated drinking over the past year,of which I was totally unaware. his word to me was that he ended up being "engulfed" by it, and doesnt understand how he got to this point; homeless, seperated from his family, bankrupt, house in foreclosure- I am broken by all this, it is beyond my comprehension
Hi Sue, and welcome.
You may be "broken" but evidently you've retained enough strength, spirit and reason to separate yourself...at least for the moment. So many spouses of alcoholics just continue to take a beating long past the time any reasonable person would allow.

Alcoholism has a psychological componant that I feel confident in calling "insanity," because it compells a person to continue drinking even when they truly don't want to. They are literally "out of their minds." And insanity responds very poorly to reason. I couldn't be talked out of my drinking. I had to get so miserable and desperate that I was willing to grasp any life preserver that was offered.

Sometimes, those closest to the alcoholic can help with loving support. Sometimes they simply need to get out of the way and trust God.

blessings
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Old 08-26-2010, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by zbear23 View Post
Although I'll agree that there is no denying the physical component of addictions, I have no doubt that my solution was a spiritual one. And that is, after all, the only result offered in the 12 steps....a spiritual awakening.

But then, I also think that the only true reality is a spiritual reality<G>.

blessings
zenbear
I agree with you about the 12 steps.
My ex is apparently joining a step group and going to be doing the intensive weekends. I hope for him and his future, he finds his spirit so he stops damaging himself and others. He's been sober 19 months, now he needs to clean shop
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