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Old 08-24-2010, 07:35 AM
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Unhappy Today's the day.

After months and months (ages and ages) it has come to the point where I have to step back from the game my Beloved is trying to play. The lying and the hiding is bad, but what is way worse is the lonliness that comes from being with someone who has diappeared into the drunk fog. I have to put some bounderies in place to prevent been cast in the role of enabler. I stumbled accross this site...or maybe I was lead to this site today and the stories and advise have come just in time. Add us to your prayers please as I take the first step for me. I pray that my first step will help to move my partner to take the first step on her journey.
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:43 AM
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Welcome to the SR family!

We're glad you are here. You will find loads of support and information. Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

One of the tools that helped me deal with my partners addiction was the 3 C's:

I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it

The addiction belongs to the addict. So does the recovery.

I have found support here and at Alanon meetings. With support I have been able to start taking better care of myself. I am taking control of the only life within my control: Mine. It feels good.

Let us know how we can help you!
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:48 AM
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Hello Charlie and welcome to SR. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but very glad you've found us. If you stick around you'll find that you're among friends - special people who understand your life and your struggles as perhaps few others can.

It was a difficult time for me when I came to grips with the reality of my life and my relationship with my A. I didn't take any drastic action right away, in my case that wouldn't have been safe for me. Instead, I made small changes for myself. I started going to Al Anon meetings, I started doing a LOT of reading. One of the first books that was recommended to me was Melodie Beatties Co Dependent No More. It really helped me to figure out where I stopped and he started. It was a process, disentangling myself and my moods and feelings from him.

Add us to your prayers please as I take the first step for me. I pray that my first step will help to move my partner to take the first step on her journey.
I had to do what you said - I took the first step for me. I also prayed that my A might make some changes in his life. He did, but far too little and much too late. The good news is that there really is light and life on the other side, and I chose to live a healthier life, make healthier choices, set healthier boundaries. My life is fuller and richer and happier than I ever dreamed was possible.

Again, welcome. You'll find a lot of great information in the "stickies" at the top of the forums. We're here to offer our own experience strength and hope. I hope you'll find what you're looking for.

Cats
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:16 PM
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Hey Charlie - welcome!
Stick around and keep posting!
Peace-
B
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:23 PM
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welcome aboard!
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Old 08-25-2010, 01:53 AM
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I pray that my first step will help to move my partner to take the first step on her journey.
the only person who you can control is yourself. in your quote above, you are trying to change someone else.

while it is natural to not want someone we love to suffer, we can not direct when they will hit their bottom and seek recovery.

all we can do is seek recovery ourselves. and that can result in many different things, including the addict choosing not seeking recovery but us healing and moving forward into a positive life.

i totally relate to the loneliness you express. for myself, i was asking my partner to be able to respond to my emotional needs as a human being, but he was unable to because he was/is a selfish drunk.

in recovery, i am learning how to determine what my goals, my needs are and to go out and seek that. in my experience, an addict simply wasn't able to be my partner because so many of my very valid needs were not being met. in recovery, i am realising that's ok, he is who he is and i was wrong to expect something he couldn't give me...like honesty, fidelity and sober company.

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