Where to sleep
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 83
Where to sleep
I've been staying at my dad's house (which is a long commute) while my AH attempts recovery. I asked AH for the apartment tomorrow for a few hours between my two jobs and he agreed.
He also told me I could have it for the night and he'd find someplace else to stay. He doesn't know a lot of people where we are and I can't imagine him staying anywhere where there won't be drinking.
If it were you would you take up the offer of sleeping in your own bed or continue to stay elsewhere. I know in my head it's not my problem what he does but my heart is telling me to let him have the apartment.
He also told me I could have it for the night and he'd find someplace else to stay. He doesn't know a lot of people where we are and I can't imagine him staying anywhere where there won't be drinking.
If it were you would you take up the offer of sleeping in your own bed or continue to stay elsewhere. I know in my head it's not my problem what he does but my heart is telling me to let him have the apartment.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
tough one, brooklyn grl.
personally, i found it best to stay out of our home and make due somehow elsewhere. i found when i returned to our home, the mental obsession of what is he doing whilst i live elsewhere was overpowering. and, the temptation to snoop about in trash cans, looking at receipts, or wondering who mary was who left her cell phone number when we didn't know a mary.
it felt really unhealthy for me to be in our home. it brought back very painful memories and set me back in my recovery.
personally, i wouldn't even go there for the two hours between your shifts. i would go somewhere else, like a cafe or a library or the park.
i understand what it is like to be exhausted and also, away from your own bed and the comfort of your home and your things.
just my own experience. for me, it put me in a bad state of mind and made me feel sick in my heart. looking back at it today, i see that i was exhausted from emotional stress more than lack of the comfort of my own bed.
naive
personally, i found it best to stay out of our home and make due somehow elsewhere. i found when i returned to our home, the mental obsession of what is he doing whilst i live elsewhere was overpowering. and, the temptation to snoop about in trash cans, looking at receipts, or wondering who mary was who left her cell phone number when we didn't know a mary.
it felt really unhealthy for me to be in our home. it brought back very painful memories and set me back in my recovery.
personally, i wouldn't even go there for the two hours between your shifts. i would go somewhere else, like a cafe or a library or the park.
i understand what it is like to be exhausted and also, away from your own bed and the comfort of your home and your things.
just my own experience. for me, it put me in a bad state of mind and made me feel sick in my heart. looking back at it today, i see that i was exhausted from emotional stress more than lack of the comfort of my own bed.
naive
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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I don't understand why you left your own home in the first place. Your AH can recover or not without you having to give up your home. If he is serious about recovery, then you being there or not doesn't matter.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I don't understand why you left your own home in the first place. Your AH can recover or not without you having to give up your home. If he is serious about recovery, then you being there or not doesn't matter.
I will likely go home at some point if things continue in this direction. I'm just taking it day by day and trying to decide what I need in order to go home.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by BklynGrl
It's been two weeks and it seems like he's working toward recovery. Went to detox and started an outpatient program.
Recovery takes YEARS and not WEEKS or MONTHS. Please keep focused and be realistic about it. Trust me......I had to gain that same perspective. Eventually, I let go.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by URMYEVERYTHING
Just be weary of this pattern of thinking and to not expect too much in the beginning. It takes at best 1 year to fully recover from even craving the substance and/or not using the substance. It takes years after that to recover and get the mind back to some healthy thought process.
Recovery takes YEARS and not WEEKS or MONTHS. Please keep focused and be realistic about it. Trust me......I had to gain that same perspective. Eventually, I let go.
Recovery takes YEARS and not WEEKS or MONTHS. Please keep focused and be realistic about it. Trust me......I had to gain that same perspective. Eventually, I let go.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Bklyn girl - just take it little bits at a time maybe.
Tomorrow you go to rest between shifts and you sleep in your own bed. If it messes with your peace of mind you make another plan. Not easy but I find it is overwhelming to try and figure everything out at once sometimes...
For me the gut check is: am I anxious/hesitant about this because of the effect/reaction of the other person? Am I trying to play this one moment "just right?" (usually a red flag for me!!)
Am I doing this solely for me and what is in my best interest and can I keep that uppermost in my mind through difficulty?
Peace-
B
Tomorrow you go to rest between shifts and you sleep in your own bed. If it messes with your peace of mind you make another plan. Not easy but I find it is overwhelming to try and figure everything out at once sometimes...
For me the gut check is: am I anxious/hesitant about this because of the effect/reaction of the other person? Am I trying to play this one moment "just right?" (usually a red flag for me!!)
Am I doing this solely for me and what is in my best interest and can I keep that uppermost in my mind through difficulty?
Peace-
B
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