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-   -   Help, Alcoholic rock bottom (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/207511-help-alcoholic-rock-bottom.html)

TheStretchMan 08-21-2010 12:10 PM

Help, Alcoholic rock bottom
 
Hi, someone very close to me in my family made some very terrible choices last night.

He was arrested for a DUI and a host of other charges for being in a public area. He has struggled for almost 30 years with alcohol, and will drink 3-4 bottles of wine per day.

I need advice and support, this person has Alzheimer's and Dementia. I feel like I am losing him :(

Carol Star 08-21-2010 12:30 PM

There isn't alot you can do unless they want help. You can go to Alanon. You can let the consequences happen so they hopefully will reach bottom and want help. Don't rescue....that just enables them to stay sick. You can learn and live the 12 steps. You can let go and let God. You can vent on SR.

Pelican 08-21-2010 12:31 PM

Hi and welcome to the family!

I'm sorry about your family member's choices.
You will find information and support for yourself here. This is a link to one of our permanent (sticky) posts. It contains steps that have helped some of us when dealing with a loved ones addiction:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

TheStretchMan 08-21-2010 12:36 PM


Originally Posted by Carol Star (Post 2686914)
There isn't alot you can do unless they want help. You can go to Alanon. You can let the consequences happen so they hopefully will reach bottom and want help. Don't rescue....that just enables them to stay sick. You can learn and live the 12 steps. You can let go and let God. You can vent on SR.

My family is going to rescue him right now, which is going to enable him to drink even further. I thought he hit rock bottom after smashing his head on the kitchen floor and trashing the house while inebriated. His wife cannot deal with his antics anymore, yet they are hopelessly codependent.

His son will actually drink wine with him, and assume that there isn't anything "wrong" with it. I feel powerless :(


Originally Posted by Pelican (Post 2686915)
Hi and welcome to the family!

I'm sorry about your family member's choices.
You will find information and support for yourself here. This is a link to one of our permanent (sticky) posts. It contains steps that have helped some of us when dealing with a loved ones addiction:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Thank you so much, I feel like I need some recovery from his behavior. The sarcasm and bickering attitudes that pervade my family are also a driving force behind his alcoholism. He is also very resistant to seeing a doctor for his severe memory impairment and dementia. Yet he continues to drink.

LexieCat 08-21-2010 12:54 PM

I don't think the usual "rules" for dealing with an alcoholic necessarily apply when there is demential and alzheimer's involved. They probably can't "hit bottom" the same way someone who still has some normal thinking can.

It may be that commitment is the only answer, though from what you've said about his wife, that may not be an option she would go along with. If he kills someone while drinking, he'll get treatment in a prison hospital setting.

TheStretchMan 08-21-2010 01:05 PM


Originally Posted by LexieCat (Post 2686929)
I don't think the usual "rules" for dealing with an alcoholic necessarily apply when there is demential and alzheimer's involved. They probably can't "hit bottom" the same way someone who still has some normal thinking can.

It may be that commitment is the only answer, though from what you've said about his wife, that may not be an option she would go along with. If he kills someone while drinking, he'll get treatment in a prison hospital setting.

His dementia manifests in frustration, inability to complete simple tasks, anger, and sheer madness at times. He becomes paranoid due animals such as dogs, and becomes furious when they are close to him.

He drinks to obscene amounts and becomes rather difficult to deal with. The most frustrating aspect of it all is that I will drink a beer or a glass of wine and I am told that I have a drinking issue.

The last time I drank any alcoholic beverage was 7 months ago. He is very close to me, and I want to help but I don't think it is possible anymore :(

ChrrisT 08-21-2010 01:09 PM

Hi StretchMan

What a sad time for you. And you are going through your own extremely difficult and painful time (i read your other posts about your illness). Things have not been good for you. I am so sorry for that.

I agree with what the others say, there is not much that can be done in this situation. Especially if his wife and son are involved so much and so negatively.

I think detachment will be key for you, learning to take care of yourself and accepting that you are not capable nor responsible for getting him sober.

It is not selfish to admit you can't help - it's just a fact.

Take care of yourself, keep posting and reading.

You have friends here. :ring

TheStretchMan 08-21-2010 01:23 PM


Originally Posted by ChrrisT (Post 2686942)
Hi StretchMan

What a sad time for you. And you are going through your own extremely difficult and painful time (i read your other posts about your illness). Things have not been good for you. I am so sorry for that.

I agree with what the others say, there is not much that can be done in this situation. Especially if his wife and son are involved so much and so negatively.

I think detachment will be key for you, learning to take care of yourself and accepting that you are not capable nor responsible for getting him sober.

It is not selfish to admit you can't help - it's just a fact.

Take care of yourself, keep posting and reading.

You have friends here. :ring

I feel empowered by this post. I am working very hard to finally enter Medical School and begin my studies in rheumatology. Due to my joint disorder I feel it is my duty to become a rheumatologist.

This forum has its tough moments, and the support I gain here helps tremendously. For many years I have struggled to understand my illness. I use many techniques to control my symptoms.

I will continue to try to detach myself from that situation. Another close member of my family has severe mental issues, and I am in counseling to improve my communication skills. I have what it takes to improve my life, and this forum is a component that is invaluable to my improvement.

:tyou


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