It takes time, I guess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
It takes time, I guess
I've been thinking for a few days maybe it is time I start a new thread, but still not sure do I really have all the right words yet to explain how I feel. But I need to get it out, so here it goes.
My RAH has been in recovery for 3 months now, and is recovering very well from liver cirrhosis. It seems that since he was told he's unlikely to survive he had epiphany and is really turning his life around. He's pretty much his old self (before drinking) which means he is caring, respectful, easy going and genuinely nice person. Kids are so happy because of this, and are learning to relax and learn new kind of life.
We are all grateful for this new development in our life and we're taking small steps towards becoming healthy family. All is really, really good.
In the past months I worked hard on my recovery, and I've learned so much about myself and life in general, but most importantly I've learned my happiness doesn't depend on my RAH, whatever happens to him I'll be fine.
So everything seems just great, and I guess it really is, but, the great but, lately, since the last week to be exact, when I'm finished with everything I need to do during the day, and when I just relax in the evening, I get these shortnesses of breath, and I feel panic. I don't think anything in particular at the time, there is no any stress at the moment, but still I can't cope.
And I know this is to do with everything I've been through lately, and even though I'm fine with all that on rational level, emotionally, I guess I'm not there yet.
I'm trying to resolve these feelings, but I find them either at times too overwhelming to think about, or at other times I just don't feel anything in regard to it, I see it just as another fact of life and I feel like there is nothing to think or feel about it.
So I started this thread hoping I'll be able to speak about it here, and yet again I feel like I don't have anything to say about it.
But I'll try, so this is probably going to be very long but I'll try to list all the things that have happened, to see if I can get some kind of resolution from it (I prefer to do it here than privately, as if I went for the second I know I'd just drop it).
- The first thing that comes to my mind is his skinny, skinny body under the sheets, his stomach bloated, dark bruises under his yes, his skin yellow-grayish, when I used to walk in the room he slept in, in the morning to check if he is still alive. This was happening at the time I knew he was not well, and he was refusing to go to the doc's. I open the door and I wait to calm down enough to actually be able to see if he's breathing or not. And those rushing thoughts, if he is not alive, I'm going to take kids next door before I call ambulance.
Why did I do it? Why did I have to wait until it got that bad?
I know the answer to that, but I still can not help but ask myself why...
- Than one day I ask him to leave and he does. We say goodbye, and I know there is a good chance I'll never see him alive again. I apologize for everything I did wrong, and I forgive him for everything he did. I ask him does he know he is dying, and he said "yes, but I don't think it is that bad yet".
It felt like we were the last two standing soldiers standing on the battlefield, both with fatal wounds, who decided it is pointless to finish each other off. Nothing left to be said. It felt like an ultimate failure, admitting I am powerless. In that I found my strenght.
- Later on he is in hospital, told his chances are very, very slim. Me and kids are sitting at our dinning room table. they are 7 and 12. I tell them their dad is really sick, because he is an A. They ask if he's going to die. I say we don't know, we should hope that he will not, but if he does they should know he loves them very much. I'm numb, it is like an out of body experience, they take it as my strenght, they look up at me, and as confused as they were they trust me when I say whatever happens we'll be fine, I'll take care of them. They are grateful for that. We make dinner and we eat it like nothing is happening.
- Two days after he is admitted, I got a call early in the morning that he has run away from the hospital. no one can find him. They find him hours later, bruised, wet, barefoot, his clothes torn, wondering the streets. He suffered DT. I'm fine, at the top of the game, arranging everything that needs to be done with docs and I don't feel anything. I'm just a bit tired, like I had a hard day at work.
There is plenty more, but no point in listing it all. I'm writing all this, as I thought it'd do me good to talk about it, but I still don't feel anything, which would be perfectly fine if I wasn't having panic attacks.
I'm sure the time will do the trick, it will heal with the time, but I don't want to leave anything unresolved in me, I don't want to grow cold, I want to go though my pain and overcome it, but I guess it is not happening yet.
I don't know if there is any point in posting this, but I will anyways as just maybe someone can benefit from it, in some way.
If I have grown wise from any of this, my word of wisdom would be: Don't ever stay wishful thinking and waiting for someone to make your life worth living, live it instead, be there for someone, but not at the cost of your own well being, as it simply is not worth all that pain and suffering. My RAH needed to walk his own path, and he'd be exactly where he is today, regardless of anything I did. That is sad and simple, and I've wasted good 7 years of my life in misery, before I was able to see this.
Not only it is not worth it, it is pointless.
Sorry this was so long.
I guess I just needed to vent.
My RAH has been in recovery for 3 months now, and is recovering very well from liver cirrhosis. It seems that since he was told he's unlikely to survive he had epiphany and is really turning his life around. He's pretty much his old self (before drinking) which means he is caring, respectful, easy going and genuinely nice person. Kids are so happy because of this, and are learning to relax and learn new kind of life.
We are all grateful for this new development in our life and we're taking small steps towards becoming healthy family. All is really, really good.
In the past months I worked hard on my recovery, and I've learned so much about myself and life in general, but most importantly I've learned my happiness doesn't depend on my RAH, whatever happens to him I'll be fine.
So everything seems just great, and I guess it really is, but, the great but, lately, since the last week to be exact, when I'm finished with everything I need to do during the day, and when I just relax in the evening, I get these shortnesses of breath, and I feel panic. I don't think anything in particular at the time, there is no any stress at the moment, but still I can't cope.
And I know this is to do with everything I've been through lately, and even though I'm fine with all that on rational level, emotionally, I guess I'm not there yet.
I'm trying to resolve these feelings, but I find them either at times too overwhelming to think about, or at other times I just don't feel anything in regard to it, I see it just as another fact of life and I feel like there is nothing to think or feel about it.
So I started this thread hoping I'll be able to speak about it here, and yet again I feel like I don't have anything to say about it.
But I'll try, so this is probably going to be very long but I'll try to list all the things that have happened, to see if I can get some kind of resolution from it (I prefer to do it here than privately, as if I went for the second I know I'd just drop it).
- The first thing that comes to my mind is his skinny, skinny body under the sheets, his stomach bloated, dark bruises under his yes, his skin yellow-grayish, when I used to walk in the room he slept in, in the morning to check if he is still alive. This was happening at the time I knew he was not well, and he was refusing to go to the doc's. I open the door and I wait to calm down enough to actually be able to see if he's breathing or not. And those rushing thoughts, if he is not alive, I'm going to take kids next door before I call ambulance.
Why did I do it? Why did I have to wait until it got that bad?
I know the answer to that, but I still can not help but ask myself why...
- Than one day I ask him to leave and he does. We say goodbye, and I know there is a good chance I'll never see him alive again. I apologize for everything I did wrong, and I forgive him for everything he did. I ask him does he know he is dying, and he said "yes, but I don't think it is that bad yet".
It felt like we were the last two standing soldiers standing on the battlefield, both with fatal wounds, who decided it is pointless to finish each other off. Nothing left to be said. It felt like an ultimate failure, admitting I am powerless. In that I found my strenght.
- Later on he is in hospital, told his chances are very, very slim. Me and kids are sitting at our dinning room table. they are 7 and 12. I tell them their dad is really sick, because he is an A. They ask if he's going to die. I say we don't know, we should hope that he will not, but if he does they should know he loves them very much. I'm numb, it is like an out of body experience, they take it as my strenght, they look up at me, and as confused as they were they trust me when I say whatever happens we'll be fine, I'll take care of them. They are grateful for that. We make dinner and we eat it like nothing is happening.
- Two days after he is admitted, I got a call early in the morning that he has run away from the hospital. no one can find him. They find him hours later, bruised, wet, barefoot, his clothes torn, wondering the streets. He suffered DT. I'm fine, at the top of the game, arranging everything that needs to be done with docs and I don't feel anything. I'm just a bit tired, like I had a hard day at work.
There is plenty more, but no point in listing it all. I'm writing all this, as I thought it'd do me good to talk about it, but I still don't feel anything, which would be perfectly fine if I wasn't having panic attacks.
I'm sure the time will do the trick, it will heal with the time, but I don't want to leave anything unresolved in me, I don't want to grow cold, I want to go though my pain and overcome it, but I guess it is not happening yet.
I don't know if there is any point in posting this, but I will anyways as just maybe someone can benefit from it, in some way.
If I have grown wise from any of this, my word of wisdom would be: Don't ever stay wishful thinking and waiting for someone to make your life worth living, live it instead, be there for someone, but not at the cost of your own well being, as it simply is not worth all that pain and suffering. My RAH needed to walk his own path, and he'd be exactly where he is today, regardless of anything I did. That is sad and simple, and I've wasted good 7 years of my life in misery, before I was able to see this.
Not only it is not worth it, it is pointless.
Sorry this was so long.
I guess I just needed to vent.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Evening/night was always my prime anxiety time as well. You get tired and your mental defenses are down. You are more impressionable.
Because you are more impressionable, though, I found it was a good time to do some recovery reading. Or read something funny. It will sink in a bit better.
And you can always post on here....from the amount of people that are here at the same time you started your post above, it is pretty obvious that we all have somewhat the same issue....
Try also avoiding heavy meals late in the day and caffeine. These always made things worse for me.
Love ya loads. Hang in there - this too shall pass.
Because you are more impressionable, though, I found it was a good time to do some recovery reading. Or read something funny. It will sink in a bit better.
And you can always post on here....from the amount of people that are here at the same time you started your post above, it is pretty obvious that we all have somewhat the same issue....
Try also avoiding heavy meals late in the day and caffeine. These always made things worse for me.
Love ya loads. Hang in there - this too shall pass.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
I remember after my axw was finally out of the house for good, and I could finally breath a sigh of relief, I thought, O.K., every thing's going to be alright now.
I was "out of the madness" and could finally relax, after being on "high alert" for several years. But I slowly began to feel worse instead of better, and handling little things poorly. I couldn't understand what was happening.
Luckily we were seeing a therapist for LMC at the time. He explained to me that people often "fall apart" AFTER the crisis is over, because we can't AFFORD to during the crisis.
We HAVE to keep it together DURING the crisis.
I would have to say, checking a dying spouse for a pulse every morning would probably qualify as a crisis.
Maybe see someone professionally if you can? It helped me to just understand that what I was experiencing was common/normal, what ever that is!
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I was "out of the madness" and could finally relax, after being on "high alert" for several years. But I slowly began to feel worse instead of better, and handling little things poorly. I couldn't understand what was happening.
Luckily we were seeing a therapist for LMC at the time. He explained to me that people often "fall apart" AFTER the crisis is over, because we can't AFFORD to during the crisis.
We HAVE to keep it together DURING the crisis.
I would have to say, checking a dying spouse for a pulse every morning would probably qualify as a crisis.
Maybe see someone professionally if you can? It helped me to just understand that what I was experiencing was common/normal, what ever that is!
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
I understand the anxiety attacks. I've wondered if it is a form of post traumatic stress disorder. Most of us here have certainly been through the war and back.
Mine comes in different forms. My XAH used to call drunk often when driving home from work and I was so afraid he would kill himself or someone else. Now when I here someone's cell phone that has the same ringtone mine had at that time I draw up in a knot. It all comes back.
I still see my XAH some. When I don't hear from him or when he is late I get the same anxiety as before.
I completely understand what you are going through. I also wasted six years of my life. I can't change that but I can stay in recovery and make sure that it doesn't happen with the next six years.
Hugs to you.
Mine comes in different forms. My XAH used to call drunk often when driving home from work and I was so afraid he would kill himself or someone else. Now when I here someone's cell phone that has the same ringtone mine had at that time I draw up in a knot. It all comes back.
I still see my XAH some. When I don't hear from him or when he is late I get the same anxiety as before.
I completely understand what you are going through. I also wasted six years of my life. I can't change that but I can stay in recovery and make sure that it doesn't happen with the next six years.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kansas for now
Posts: 100
What you've written, sesh, is oddly comforting to me right now. Feeling kind of overcome by a surprise wave of sadness and loss --- all those wasted years. I have to believe they had a purpose and I may even understand what it was someday. Anyway, thanks for what you wrote.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by sesh 
Sorry this was so long.
I guess I just needed to vent.
I guess I just needed to vent.
I needed to hear another person explain those feelings.
You are not alone.
Thank you, coyote & rolltide, for pointing toward an explanation.
We share, care, and grow together.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 97
Sesh,
I'm glad you posted this. I often wonder how you are doing, so it's good to hear from you, even though I wish you weren't having anxiety attacks.
It's sure understandable, though. Even from just reading your posts over the last months, I feel waves of disbelief that your husband is sober and home with you and the kids. I can't even imagine what you feel.
I'm not sure what else to say. We care about you!
1234
I'm glad you posted this. I often wonder how you are doing, so it's good to hear from you, even though I wish you weren't having anxiety attacks.
It's sure understandable, though. Even from just reading your posts over the last months, I feel waves of disbelief that your husband is sober and home with you and the kids. I can't even imagine what you feel.
I'm not sure what else to say. We care about you!
1234
Sobriety Date: Feb 2009
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Osaka, Jpn
Posts: 389
I am recovering alcoholic. Now I am separated from my family sice last Christmas time due to my alcoholism. My wife still do not want to live with me since then. I have once attacked panic in front of my wife and children early in the morning last Christmas time. It was very nasty and I thought I would kill my self. After a while the panic soon thoothed. That was the only once I experienced panic attack though, I understand that attack is very nasty and scared.
My uncle has had a traffic accident once before. After that my aunt had panic attacks when her hasband go out and she stay home alone. My uncle does not have such attacks.
Just in my opinion from my experiences, such panics attack mainly the victims (codies). As you stated, you think you wasted good 7 years of your life in misery, before you was able to see this circumstances. You are still thinking yourself victim. But I do not think my drunk days just waste period. I think your RAH either. I think it was disease and I was lucky to be recovering from the disease. Didesease is disease like cancer and infection disease. I could not avoid it. We do not regret too much. We alcoholics forgive ourselves. It is very hard but we shoud. Your RAH also shoud.
I know you decided to pursue your own happiness independent on your RAH with a help of your HP. And I know you are astonishingly recovered from codie. I am proud of you. Just in my opinion, I think you may progress your recovery this time. You may think you are not victim and misery, and you have not wasted your time for 7 years. This seven years make you strong and your current status with your HP. This seven years connect you and your HP properly. It has made you such good mother of two beautiful children and good wife of your RAH. You may forgive yourself last 7 years. Positive thinking. It is just in my opinion from the view of recovering alcoholic. We are always stay with you here. Thank you very much for your sharing!
My uncle has had a traffic accident once before. After that my aunt had panic attacks when her hasband go out and she stay home alone. My uncle does not have such attacks.
Just in my opinion from my experiences, such panics attack mainly the victims (codies). As you stated, you think you wasted good 7 years of your life in misery, before you was able to see this circumstances. You are still thinking yourself victim. But I do not think my drunk days just waste period. I think your RAH either. I think it was disease and I was lucky to be recovering from the disease. Didesease is disease like cancer and infection disease. I could not avoid it. We do not regret too much. We alcoholics forgive ourselves. It is very hard but we shoud. Your RAH also shoud.
I know you decided to pursue your own happiness independent on your RAH with a help of your HP. And I know you are astonishingly recovered from codie. I am proud of you. Just in my opinion, I think you may progress your recovery this time. You may think you are not victim and misery, and you have not wasted your time for 7 years. This seven years make you strong and your current status with your HP. This seven years connect you and your HP properly. It has made you such good mother of two beautiful children and good wife of your RAH. You may forgive yourself last 7 years. Positive thinking. It is just in my opinion from the view of recovering alcoholic. We are always stay with you here. Thank you very much for your sharing!
Last edited by ninja7; 08-20-2010 at 09:35 PM. Reason: typos
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Thank you all.
I do understand it is a natural process, after all I've been through a lot, but I've larned how to deal with it all, and this panicky thing is taking me by surprise.
Coyote, I must say you made me laugh, I know it is very black humor type of thing, but still: "I would have to say, checking a dying spouse for a pulse every morning would probably qualify as a crisis."
And you made good point with it, I am minimizing for the most part how horrible it all was. I guess I was thinking if I admit to it than I'm being weak, while I needed to feel strong. My good friend told me it is to do with expectations of oneself, and I can see she is right. I am expecting too much of myself, or better to say I'm expecting wrong things from myself. I was afraid feeling weak would jeopardise my recovery, but it doesn't have to be so.
Ninja, you made a good point in regard to wasted years. It is true that I am grateful for everything that has happen as it brought me to the place I am at now (anxiety aside). I know if it wasn't for all that I'd never feel as complete and self content as I do now, and I do appreciate it. I believe I needed to walk that path in the same way my RAH needed to walk his. All that is on spiritual level and I don't regret it, when I look at things that way. In my last post I was mainly refering to more practical level when I said: Don't waste your life hoping and waiting for someone to change. I guess my point was: don't think you can influence it or speed it up. As I see so many people on these boards wondering if they should stay or leave, while staying stuck. My point was: get busy on your own recovery, get yourself to better place, as that is the part you can control, you can infuence and you can speed up.
So the only thing I am sorry about is that I didn't have it in me to start working on myself sooner, as that way I'd had more happier years of my life.
It seems to me many people are staying stuck as they are refusing to question themselves, they're refusing to see that the only way out is working on yourself, and they keep looking for answers at the wrong place. I was a master at this. I've been on SR for 6 YEARS, and I only started my recovery few months ago, it didn't happen earlier as I was not allowing it to happen, as I kept insisting it is not me it is him.
But the secret is it was always me: I always had a choice. We all do, and sooner we admit this, sooner we are likely to break free, to stop drowning in life, and start living it.
So from one point of view I dind't waste all those years as I needed them to understand all this to finaly get where I am now, but from the other poing of view if I gave myself persmission to do it sooner, if I allowed that possibility than it wouldn't have had to be 7 years, it could have been sooner.
I'm not bitter about this, it was my path and I walked it, but I wanted to say it so just maybe it can help someone else who is struggling now, and keep insisting on asking the wrong questions.
There is always a way out, we just need to give ourself persmission to take it.
I do understand it is a natural process, after all I've been through a lot, but I've larned how to deal with it all, and this panicky thing is taking me by surprise.
Coyote, I must say you made me laugh, I know it is very black humor type of thing, but still: "I would have to say, checking a dying spouse for a pulse every morning would probably qualify as a crisis."
And you made good point with it, I am minimizing for the most part how horrible it all was. I guess I was thinking if I admit to it than I'm being weak, while I needed to feel strong. My good friend told me it is to do with expectations of oneself, and I can see she is right. I am expecting too much of myself, or better to say I'm expecting wrong things from myself. I was afraid feeling weak would jeopardise my recovery, but it doesn't have to be so.
Ninja, you made a good point in regard to wasted years. It is true that I am grateful for everything that has happen as it brought me to the place I am at now (anxiety aside). I know if it wasn't for all that I'd never feel as complete and self content as I do now, and I do appreciate it. I believe I needed to walk that path in the same way my RAH needed to walk his. All that is on spiritual level and I don't regret it, when I look at things that way. In my last post I was mainly refering to more practical level when I said: Don't waste your life hoping and waiting for someone to change. I guess my point was: don't think you can influence it or speed it up. As I see so many people on these boards wondering if they should stay or leave, while staying stuck. My point was: get busy on your own recovery, get yourself to better place, as that is the part you can control, you can infuence and you can speed up.
So the only thing I am sorry about is that I didn't have it in me to start working on myself sooner, as that way I'd had more happier years of my life.
It seems to me many people are staying stuck as they are refusing to question themselves, they're refusing to see that the only way out is working on yourself, and they keep looking for answers at the wrong place. I was a master at this. I've been on SR for 6 YEARS, and I only started my recovery few months ago, it didn't happen earlier as I was not allowing it to happen, as I kept insisting it is not me it is him.
But the secret is it was always me: I always had a choice. We all do, and sooner we admit this, sooner we are likely to break free, to stop drowning in life, and start living it.
So from one point of view I dind't waste all those years as I needed them to understand all this to finaly get where I am now, but from the other poing of view if I gave myself persmission to do it sooner, if I allowed that possibility than it wouldn't have had to be 7 years, it could have been sooner.
I'm not bitter about this, it was my path and I walked it, but I wanted to say it so just maybe it can help someone else who is struggling now, and keep insisting on asking the wrong questions.
There is always a way out, we just need to give ourself persmission to take it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Recovery promises that if we work recovery, we will get to the point where we do not regret the past. The reason is because it is that very past that ends up making us who we emerge as, through recovery. Each person needs a different pathway, to get to themself.
The question then ends up being:
CLMI
The question then ends up being:
If you end up at a place where you love yourself and are compassionate, strong, self-defined, resilient, and stable... were the things you went through to get there worth it, or a waste of lifespan?
Food for thought.CLMI
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
Hi Sesh
What a sad situation. I did not know this, how horrible for you.
It sounds to me that you may be in shock. Drastic differences - feeling nothing but having panic attacks.
The mind can only take so much stress before it decides that it has protect itself. So we shut down, but the stress is still there and the body reacts.
I hope you are talking to someone who can help you. To keep you safe and be there for you in case there is a breaking point (I may have missed that in your post).
Is is a lot for anybody to deal with, it's heartbreaking.
Hugs to you
What a sad situation. I did not know this, how horrible for you.
It sounds to me that you may be in shock. Drastic differences - feeling nothing but having panic attacks.
The mind can only take so much stress before it decides that it has protect itself. So we shut down, but the stress is still there and the body reacts.
I hope you are talking to someone who can help you. To keep you safe and be there for you in case there is a breaking point (I may have missed that in your post).
Is is a lot for anybody to deal with, it's heartbreaking.
Hugs to you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Originally Posted by catlovermi
If you end up at a place where you love yourself and are compassionate, strong, self-defined, resilient, and stable... were the things you went through to get there worth it, or a waste of lifespan?
CLMI
Even thought it doesn't looks so, it is a hard question. It is not waste of time, since the place I'm in now is by far much better than I ever was at before, and by that I don't mean just my life with my RAH, but my whole life. So for me it was worth it, but the point I was trying to make is: it is not worth staying stuck and not allow possiblity for the recovery, as that was something I was doing for the long time. One could say I did that as I couldn't do better, I needed to walk my own path and get there only when the time is right, but I wonder if that is something that might have been helped.
This question doesn't necesseraly has to do with me personaly, I was more thinking of it in the terms how it can help someone else, someone who is struggling with making decision to start thier own recovery, someone who still can't see the way out is their own recovery, and not recovery of their A.
So in those terms I was saying it is waste of time, I guess first you have to realize it is waste of time to actually start moving towards the place where you're to find out it was worth it. Does this makes sense to you?
And CrrisT it is funny how I actually need to hear someone else say what I've been though is horrible to actually become aware of it. So I was reading what you said, and thinking OMG she is right, it was horrible.
I'm not seeing anyone that can help me, but I have a great friend (hi dear
) who helps me tremendously, and I'm thankful to this preson for most of my recovery. I've seen few counselors in the past years and none of them was too helpful. I don't know maybe it wasn't them, maybe it was me, but I'm a really stuborn woman, and if I don't feel intelectually challenged enough I just don't respond. I guess I need to hear something I don't already know to make a difference for me....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
You seem strong as nails. But it's good you have someone to hold you when/if it gets too tough.
I've been trying meditation to relieve (what I now consider to be utterly pathetic compared to yours) stress.
Not like the UUUMMMM sitting lotus style, which can hurt like hell. But just focusing on breathing, being in the moment that kind of stuff. I was surprise at how much it helps.
It might help with the anxiety.
Just a suggestion
I've been trying meditation to relieve (what I now consider to be utterly pathetic compared to yours) stress.
Not like the UUUMMMM sitting lotus style, which can hurt like hell. But just focusing on breathing, being in the moment that kind of stuff. I was surprise at how much it helps.
It might help with the anxiety.
Just a suggestion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Thanks CrrisT for recomending breathing.
That sentence actually sounds really funny, but I do mean it.
I'm taking your advice and I've been having strange evening. I lie down and I can't breath, and than I sit up and do deep breathing, so I feel better. Than I think I'm fine, and as being tired I lie down again, only to sit up few minutes later and get busy with deep breathing again.
So I really hope I'll breath myself to sleep some time soon, as this is getting really tiring.
I'm thinking how strange it is that I'm getting these anxieties since I've been having really nice time for the past few days, and it only occurred to me now maybe I'm having some alergic reaction to having good time, I'm so not used to it that my body is freaking out. I'm only kidding, but .... who knows... anything is possible
That sentence actually sounds really funny, but I do mean it.
I'm taking your advice and I've been having strange evening. I lie down and I can't breath, and than I sit up and do deep breathing, so I feel better. Than I think I'm fine, and as being tired I lie down again, only to sit up few minutes later and get busy with deep breathing again.
So I really hope I'll breath myself to sleep some time soon, as this is getting really tiring.
I'm thinking how strange it is that I'm getting these anxieties since I've been having really nice time for the past few days, and it only occurred to me now maybe I'm having some alergic reaction to having good time, I'm so not used to it that my body is freaking out.
I'm only kidding, but .... who knows... anything is possible Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
sesh-
i'll second chris' advice regarding meditation for release of anxiety. even 10 minutes a day and you will soon notice a new calm centeredness.
i also want to say that there is a certain "weight" or soul-quality to your writings which makes me not worry one bit about you and your future journey.
thanks for sharing so freely and openly as you do. i for one benefit from your hard-earned wisdom.
naive
i'll second chris' advice regarding meditation for release of anxiety. even 10 minutes a day and you will soon notice a new calm centeredness.
i also want to say that there is a certain "weight" or soul-quality to your writings which makes me not worry one bit about you and your future journey.
thanks for sharing so freely and openly as you do. i for one benefit from your hard-earned wisdom.
naive
Sobriety Date: Feb 2009
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Osaka, Jpn
Posts: 389
Hi, sesh! Sorry you are going through this.
I understand what you are saying. If we do not realize that first, we can not get out of that situation forever. Then I do not think "waste of time" is the keyword of this anxiety.
I will second chris and naive's advice. I think time also solves the problem. We are staying here with you.
Originally Posted by sesh
So in those terms I was saying it is waste of time, I guess first you have to realize it is waste of time to actually start moving towards the place where you're to find out it was worth it. Does this makes sense to you?
I will second chris and naive's advice. I think time also solves the problem. We are staying here with you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
The breathing and meditation takes practice. Learning to focus and work with thoughts that distract from the relaxation.
I've borrowed books from the library, not sure of names, but there are plenty to choose from.
It work for all kinds of stresses.
You sound like such a sweetheart Sesh- I hope (soo much) that things work out well for you - and that you are happy, you deserve it.:ghug3
I've borrowed books from the library, not sure of names, but there are plenty to choose from.
It work for all kinds of stresses.
You sound like such a sweetheart Sesh- I hope (soo much) that things work out well for you - and that you are happy, you deserve it.:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
