Qualities of the Co-dependant?
 

Well what a schedule it has been broken faced, broken hearted, broken spirited for the last few months, and to those who have dealt with it longer, I cannot stress enough just how much we all need an emotional holiday. It's like being opened up to the fire of hell, and seeing someone who like a cat looks at your while they are smiling (while of course under the influence) and see your face squirm while they keep sinking lower and lower, and while you scream and shout for the to stop they simply continue.

- I look at myself from my hurt background, always wanting to put the gloss over everything and wanting everything to look as if I am happy, showing a face of what I am truly going through would be showing my vulnerability and make me look as if I was not in control of the situation. Is this a trait of us who are co-dependants?
- My desire to save everyone, to stop pain and abuse both to the self and to others. Another pretty obvious trait of us?!
- My thinking that my life and influence miraculously changes others?! Who the hell am I kidding?!
- Those of us who feel as if we have lost our spirit and vigour we once had so definitively over life. - well I guess we all have felt this HUGE slump
- That in spite of all the evidence, our sympathy took over and we marched ahead to the voice of the controller being controlled by the vice. Again, pretty generic I can only assume.
- When our inner conscience/voice kept screaming inside ourselves that there are severe issues and we ignored them.

I can only warn people of just how diabolical it all gets. When it seems as if the floodgates burst open, and our safety is in severe danger. If anyone wants to feel the life sapped out of them, try dating an addict, you come out of the process line another person. Whether the end product is good or bad, time will tell. But I just regret not having the knowledge I have now. Do I crave my ex-partner, sure I do. Do I see hope, well all I can do is believe in hope.

Hi adlatum--
My desire to save everyone, to stop pain and abuse both to the self and to others. Another pretty obvious trait of us?!

I think for me, the wanting to save everyone else was the most overwhelming bad habit. The stopping abuse to the self was a concept I had no education in as a child in an A home. I really grew up just having no clue what was best for ME or how to look out for myself. I was always "other" focused, and trying to change people and fix them and analyze their situation and design the steps they needed to take to improve their lives and change! Ha ha! Insanity!

It has taken me a loooooooooooong time to learn how to focus on myself and my own problems. And just one of my problems was my alcoholic family of origin and my A brothers....I had other problems, dreams, goals that I let be obscured by their problems.

It does get very diabolical - and the codie way of thinking will ultimately make a person as crazy, sick, and in denial as the alcoholic.

Glad you're here! :wave:
Peace-
B

Cheers Bernadette, fantastic to have you here too. Gosh, addiction is in my family too, grandparents and parents all had their episodes. The way I see it is that my Dad might no longer be drugging or drinking, but the issues which caused his addiction have not gone away, instead he uses his own brand of vigorous religion to work hardcorely through life.

I hope you can hang in there Bernadette, family members take the matter of co depenbdancy to a whole new level. Please feel free to come discuss at any point when your head is feeling low or you feel melted.

Mine was more shame based. Admit that I needed help? Never!