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Thanks to all and bought the codie book!

Old 08-19-2010, 09:38 PM
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Thanks to all and bought the codie book!

I just wanted to say thank you to you guys for telling me your personal stories and insights about loving an alcoholic. I wake up in the mornings with hope and a focus of what I need to do now (learn how to set boundaries and stop being codependent) and knowing better what my exABF needs to do to recover as well.

We do still speak here and there. And we did cave in and spend a night together, talking and holding each other the other night. We both knew it was to create a good parting memory and that it wouldn't happen again. I think it probably won't be something my therapist praises, but I did it. It happened. It was a perfect memory. And hopefully it won't be something that I regret later. We just genuinely care so much for one another, and since being honest with each other--him with his slip ups and me with realizing I deserve/d more from him and am codependent, we feel closer than ever. He is like my other half and I am his. But I know I need to be a whole person and he especially needs to be a whole person and finish his recovery.

He told all the people in his life he slipped up. He is going to AA meetings every day and overall is doing well. He is still looking for a sponsor. And I hope he gets one soon, so that he can figure out personal things more deeply. I am going to therapy again. I bought Codependent No More, thanks to you guys. And I am really looking forward to being a better, stronger person. And who knows what the future will bring. I don't want to wait around for him. But we both still want to be together (which I don't admit to, and when he brings it up I tell him he needs to work on himself and get a sponsor and talk to his sponsor about those feelings and the best course of action). So I hope my therapist will help me figure out what I need to do too. If talking is too much of a hindrance, then I will have to go no contact. Which I am mostly prepared to do for my sake and his.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how great it is to come here and read the stories and support you give each other and myself.
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Old 08-20-2010, 04:03 AM
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Originally Posted by waiting313 View Post
And we did cave in and spend a night together, talking and holding each other the other night. We both knew it was to create a good parting memory and that it wouldn't happen again. I think it probably won't be something my therapist praises, but I did it. It happened. It was a perfect memory. And hopefully it won't be something that I regret later. We just genuinely care so much for one another, and since being honest with each other
I did this too, waiting.

We had parted, he really wanted me to still attend a wedding reception with him and after debating for two weeks, talking to my therapist about it, I quietly got dressed up, left my house, and showed up at the party. Some of his family was there, so happy to see me (who all live out of town), so I talked to a couple of them, received support and compassion, and he and I had a beautiful last dance together - something I had always wanted yet we had never in all our years done. Even though it was weird to go as his date, I put my weirdness on the shelf and followed my heart. I can't always follow my heart, for I've learned that it is not a good barometer of what is best for me, but I did not regret that last act of love between us.

You are doing what you need to do now, to move on.

Peace...
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