Frustrated
 

I just need to vent. I am frustrated because I am 21 and still live with my parents. Frustrated because my father is an alcoholic and I still cannot find a way to detatch. We still argue and I feed into it. We argue like immature teenagers. I feel hopeless in this house and miserable. The school that I want to start doesn't start until March, and it is an 18 month program. There is no way I can go to school full time, and work enough to be able to get my own place so I am stuck living here for at least another two years. To me that seems hopelessly, and incredibly depressing. I don't want to raise my daughter around my father, although she is a newborn so she would likely not remember it once we do get out.

Also, last night, I fed into a two hour argument with a girl who knows both my XABF and I. She called me a liar for saying that he had an affair with a married women we both used to work with before we got together. I went into a rage and called her all kind of names, I allowed myself to stoop to her level and just completely abandon my recovery in that sense. I wanted to her to believe what I knew so badly I tried to basically shove it down her throat. We got to throwing even lower blows to each other. She talked down to me about how I got pregnant, and that at least she was in a relationship when she had her daughter. It all ended with her threatening to call the police on me for harrassment, even though she wouldn't stop texting me when I repeatedly asked her to.

She told me that she messaged my XABF and told him that I'm still too focused on him and trying to find out things about him, and that I'm a bad mother and don't focus enough on my daughter, and that I have a lot of growing up to do. Of course that's what he wants to hear and I felt the urge to go strangle her quite honestly. Today I feel low for allowing myself to feed into the craziness, and draining myself of all my energy and how angry I got. I have a horrible anger management problem I've come to realize, and I need to focus on learning how to manage it. Today I just feel defeated. Defeated by her, him, and most of all myself. I hope I can find a way to sort all of these negative feelings out.

Why not block her from your phone?

I did today. But last night I wanted to argue with her, I wanted to make her believe me, etc. Like I said it was a complete back-track as far as my recovery goes...

Aw, sorry you are frustrated and having a hard time. Can you go to Al-Anon meetings? It sounds like you are letting yourself continue to get "hooked" by other people. Of course you feel defeated; I also would feel defeated if I were in this situation.

Craigslist has listings for roomies. Renting a room is relatively cheap, that's what I have to do.

Might be an option for you.

I'm just overly protective of my daughter, and that is so outside of my comfort zone I don't think I'd be able to move in with a complete stranger. I think that would be worse than staying here... Plus right now I don't have a job, baby is only 2 months old and I'm just now starting the search.

I have found that when I admit I have other choices, it makes me feel empowered. It's perfectly fine if you choose to stay at your parents for whatever reason. But, to kid yourself that you 'have to' stay because you don't have a choice in the matter is playing the victim.

You choose your life. Take that approach, and do with it what you will.

L

LTD has a very good point. You DO have options--but sometimes just recognizing that fact, and that, for now, you are choosing the one that is most workable (though perhaps not ideal), can put a different spin on it.

I'm not real happy in my job right now. I think, "I CAN'T quit--I'm almost two years away from my pension, and I can't POSSIBLY give that up." Um, yes, actually, I could. It would involve some severe financial hardship that I don't want to go through, and it would be more painful than staying where I am until I can afford to retire.

Still, that is my CHOICE. And I can either whine about it for two years or I can make the best of it, working on possible career changes in the meantime. I still do a lot of whining--old habits are hard to break. But when I think of it as a choice, it makes me realize I'm not a victim.